Dear Seth,

I wonder if there will ever be a time I will get enough courage to tell you everything, or will it be too late? That right there fucking terrifies me.

Honestly I have to make myself wake  up and go to work, some days. And some days I have those moments where my heart physically feels like it is about to give out. Watching your arm mottle, fingers and parts of and fingertips turn blue becomes so scary. The one thought, besides my mom, that goes though my head is that I ask God to tell him that I love you so much.

Falling in love with you Seth was never a part of my life's plan. It is not that it's not welcome but dude...

Dear Seth,

You are in the place that I want to be most, where I am going to be in the next few months. But right now I have to admit that I'm so hella jealous of you. Damn..... Hopefully you'll step out of your comfort zone and visit one place for me, Duelers Alley, or even the Gibbs Museum, or or or Charleston's Waterfront Park on a clear night looking up at the stars and swinging. *sigh* Maybe this spring, or whenever you visit next you'll meet me at the pineapple fountain. 

p.s. I love you