Dear Seth,

Happy New Year :)

p.s. I love you

Dear Seth,

A lot has happened since the last time I wrote to you. I don't let on more than the mods already know, but I don't think that my mom is going to make it much longer. That stroke she had a few days ago just about took everything she had. I am so damn scared. She's the last family member I have really. And right now I just feel so lost and lonely.

Seth, I know there are things going on with you too, but if you could find it in your heart I really would like you here. God please. I need some kind of support too and...... *sniffs. She's at St. Lukes on the 7th floor. I really feel like I am about to crack. It has been a total fucking nightmare. Damn...

Well I hope you are doing well and that you at least smile a little bit. I know I do when you write to me. It's my little pick me up of the day.

p.s. I love you

Dear Seth,

Your commenting to me more than just one line or yes or no answers. I am loving it. But there is one thing, I would love to hear your voice tonight. I know I know silly hope but still.....

Anyways I hope that you are having a good night, sorta looks like it to me :)

p.s. I love you

Dear Seth,

I was a little sad to wake up this morning. Last night I dreamed of you. It's the first time in two years of knowing you exist that I boldly walked up and kissed you. OMFG my heart is still racing from that dream. I don't know how I am ever going to live it down. Now there is a fire in me, and it's raging. This is going to haunt me for a long time to come.

p.s. I love you

Dear Seth,

You'll never really know how much those words you spoke to me today really meant. I couldn't be happier. Thank you so much.

Well I have a little something for you that hopefully you'll like.

I was terrified that the little red string that connects us was going to snap. Now it seems that it is getting shorter and shorter. And I have a feeling that one day soon there will be no discernible tie because we will be together.

p.s. I love you

Dear Seth,

I must have woke up on the right side of the bed. You are talking to me. ME.  Not short sentences but almost freaking pages. Right now I'm smiling and feeling a lot better than in previous days. Thank you.

Idk but you're a morning person and me, not so much. Eh I'll get used to it. Especially if the days are like this more.

It'll be a few weeks until I'll be in the Bay Area. Very excited about the move. No it's not because of you, though it is an incentive to be there. Can't wait to start on a new chapter in my life.

p.s. I love you

Dear Seth,

What you commented on earlier is really irking me. But no matter what I still love you even though you are a dork.

p.s. I love you

Dear Seth,

Just seeing your name anywhere fills me with such emotions. I told my ex how I felt about you today. He thinks it's real too, what I love about you. Oh and fyi I think he might just be a little bit jealous as well. Let me tell you that there were never these kind of feelings with him, ever.

Anyhoo might write more to you later. Hope you had a great day and smiled at least once :)


p.s. I love you

Dear Seth,

I'm about to head off to Cafe Capri for my few cups of joe. I know you won't be there but I'll always hope so.

p.s. I love you

Dear Seth,

You don't know how those few words you said could mean so much to me. I'm almost to the point of tears. Thank you.

Well I just ate and feeling bleh. I don't think it's going to stay down. Already feeling my heart race and stomach clinching, wanting to expel what I pretty much shoved down my throat. Whatever it is that I have is not fun at all. I just want this to go away.

But right now I am smiling and so happy.

p.s. I love you

Dear Seth,

I saw this quote on Facebook and thought of you.

I don't know a perfect person. I only know flawed people who are still worth loving. ~John Green

p.s. I love you

Dear Seth,

Tonight I am really not feeling good at all. I'm surprised that I can even type, I'm that weak. Last night was really bad for me. I thought that I would have to go to the hospital. But every time I was nauseated or threw up I thought of you. LOL sorry. It's just that when I do that my whole body calms down. You make me feel better, even though I'm not.

I hope that you are doing well, Seth. I haven't heard from you in so long. More than that I wish you were here so I could tell you face to face how I feel.

Anyways always remember that I care for you soo much, even in my time of need.

p.s. I love you

Dear Seth,

I really have missed talking to you. I hope that you are doing okay. Maybe I do tend to worry about those that I love the most, you included but it is valid damn it. So just say something every once in a while dude.

So Kim will be in San Francisco tomorrow. I wish that I could have gone with her, but my health is just so bleh among other things. Maybe one day you will come here. Hell there is enough snow on the ground and the air is so brutally cold that it might remind you of home.

Anyhoo take care and don't forget to smile Seth. :)

p.s. I love you

Dear Seth,

I wish you were here so badly. I miss talking to you. Please be okay.

p.s. I love you

Dear Seth,

There are all the little things that I want to say to you. But something is holding me back. I don't want to be shamed for loving you, yet somehow I do. It fucking sucks.

Anyways I hope that you are doing well and are okay. I miss talking to you so much.

p.s. I love you

Dear Seth,

I'm sure that I have posted something like this before but I'm going to say it again.

So at one time I creeped on your last fm profile. I saw a song that, for what ever reason, intrigued me. The song being Shiloh by Magnolia Electric Co. And for the past few months I have tried to dissect it., you know hidden meanings and all that. But I've seen and heard the lyrics many times. I get it now. 

And just so you know whenever I am not feeling particularly well I always listen to this song. It fills me with such calmness. Thank you.

Okay well now I think I can sleep a little. I hope you had a good night and the sweetest of dreams.

p.s. I love you

Dear Seth,

Again it has been a while since I have written to you here. No have not, nor will I able, to ever forget you. For that I am sorry.

It's almost 3 a.m. here and so much going on inside of me. But the one thing that has been tacking my brain is that I am so fucking jealous of the place where you are now. And it hurts that I am not there too. Not just because of you. I have been thinking of being in South Carolina for the longest time.  That is where my heart calls, as silly as it may seem.

Not much has changed since the last time I have written to you here. I went to my mammogram and it came out negative, thankfully. But the lump and pain is still there. And over the past few days I am throwing up more blood. To be honest I am scared as fuck. What goes through my head is what the hell do I have then?

But honestly thinking about you has kept me from being totally afraid. Some nights I stay up because it's easier than trying to sleep not knowing if I will open my eyes in the morning.  You are the in between. You make it easier to accept what is going on through all this confusion.

I hope that you are doing semi okay, though you said you were not totally yourself. Though I am not in the best place right now I would do anything to help you with whatever.

Well I'll let you go for now. And please don't ever forget to smile Seth.

p.s. I love you