Dear Seth,

I am listening to Explosions In The Sky's The Birth and Death of a Day as I write this, making me feel a little more sentimental about everything. I love your taste in music dude.

Tonight was almost beautiful. People swaying back and forth to their own beat, lights flashing, some music that you would like playing in the background. The place was crowded with regulars. But honestly everywhere I turned I searched for your face. I needed and wanted you there. Honestly I was fucking miserable.

I know that I said that I am happy that you are somewhere on earth, but that does not make me yearn for you to be where I am, or vise versa,  any less.

There is a line that A Fine Frenzy sings about only wanting to be only where you are, and tonight I have to agree with her. I feel it so deep inside that it pretty much makes me feel weird otherwise.

I have learned, that over time, where you call home is not always where you reside. And damn it my gut tells me that you are my home.

And how I feel right now is I am okay, but earlier I just didn't know. I'm so damned scared. Yeah I know that I'm getting older and whatever but fucking a man this just doesn't feel right. I know it's definitely not  a panic attack, because if so it has an odd way of presenting itself. It doesn't add up.

Anyways I have thought about a lot of things. When the inevitable happens I know that I will not be able to stay here any longer. Thinking long and hard about this and what I need and want to do with my life, I plan to move very very far away.

You have made me love a state like no other. South Carolina is as about as far away from everything as you can get. That is where I want to be. That is where I know, without a doubt, that I would be able to build a life for myself, though I would love to have you in it more than it is now. This is where, in a way, that I have always dreamed about being. It was where I was so happy. Idaho is my past and South Carolina is my future. I still think of you waiting for me at Boone Plantation, in the gardens. Here's to hoping that it comes true.

p.s. I love you