Dear Seth,

I don't know how much more I can do this without you. Please if you have any heart at all come down to The Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf on Market tomorrow morning. I'll be there. Please.

p.s. I love you

Dear Seth,

I miss you. Nothing more and nothing less.

p.s. I love you

Dear Seth,

I've missed writing to you. I wish that you would meet with me just once. On pins and needles did I make it here. Granted I'm taking my sweet time today because I have been on the bus over 24 hours but I wanted to see if you do read this blog to at least walk by Mason and Geary at the Starbucks on the corner. I'll be the one in the comfy chair reading that Nicholas Sparks book. I just hope that that SB is still open. Probably. Oh well I'll find out soon enough.

p.s. I love you

Dear Seth,

I have a feeling that I'm going to dream about you tonight. Please just go easy on me. Last night I was so lucky that I didn't. When is this going to get easier? Because time isn't helping. I'm tired of being this tired. And all I want to do is take a nap but afraid if I do I'll dream about you. * sigh *

p.s. I love you

A Thousands Years Part 2 - Christina Perri feat. Steve Kazee

Dear Seth,

Something in me still thinks of this. I don't know why I can't seem to give up on you. I'm sorry.

p.s. I love you

Dear Seth,

I still miss talking to you so much. But I can't even email you with out being scared that you'll say something hurtful or won't even respond at all, so I don't. I just write it out here/ ltc and hope that you see it knowing that I still care so damn much for you.

Hope that you're having a great night. Take care.

p.s. I love you

Dear Seth,

Please don't think of me tonight. I don't know how much more of this I can take dreaming of you. It's like a fucking knife when I do. Pure torture that this has been going on for over a month. And I'm so very tired. I barely get any sleep anymore.

p.s. I love you

Dear Seth,

Even though I now it's a very big pipe dream this is what I would love to one day have you slip on my finger.

p.s. I love you

Dear Seth,

These are the things that I’ll never get to say to you. There were times that I thought that you were the one that needed rescuing, turns out it was me that needed to save myself.  I was too green to realize, too naive.

So in saving myself I am letting you go. You will always be in every memory I have, from sunrise to sunset. From the leaves that crunch in the fall to the summer rainstorms, from the first snowfall of winter to the crickets sing in spring I will love you. To the miles that I travel down the lonely highway to the ones that would have lead me to you that is where pieces of my heart will always lay.

There is someone new, though I’ll never love him like you. Where you were my sunshine on a cloudy day he is becoming my rainbow in the middle of a thunderstorm. Meaning there just might be a chance to take one of those pieces of my heart, dust it off and giving it to him but keeping the key never to get hurt again. 

Please always smile knowing that you are my biggest inspiration and motivation in life and love. My life hasn’t been the same since meeting you.

But tonight* I am praying that this will be the last that I dream of you, my life is haunted enough, and I am so very tired.

p.s. I love you

On Fire - Switchfoot

Dear Seth,

Just wanted to wish you a Happy Valentine's Day.

p.s. I love you

As soon as the sun sets my dark devilish side comes out. All the deep seeded desires that have no place in the light become all that I want here in the night where only shadows play in the moonlight. And a part of myself is hating this thing that I'm becoming. This is what loving the one you can't have has done. Don't ever be like me, it's brutal.

p.s. I love you 

Dear Seth,

You know it. Do you want to hear that I'm still hopelessly in love with you. Is that what you want? Well congratulations. I am. And I'm feeling pretty miserable right now too.

Tonight I know that I'll dream about you too. It's been like this for over a month now. And I'm just so damn fucking tired too. I wish it would stop but it's not.

I hope that you're having a great night. Can't wait to be back there in a month. So tired of this weather as well.

Anyways good night and sweet dreams. See you in a few hours whether I want to or not.

p.s. I love you

Florence + The Machine - Never Let Me Go

Dear Seth,

I fucking hate you. I just fell in love with you all over again and I hate you to the bone. And if I do ever speak to you face to face I will tell you what I really think of you.

p.s. I love you

Dear Seth,

I know that you've probably seen this but oh well I'm posting it here for the other people that read this blog about you.

I still think it and know it. I love you. And I always will. I know it's my own heart that will break and I wish that it wasn't like this. It's pure hell. I would never wish this on my worst enemy, and at the moment that seems to be me.

And also I did find another version of 9 Crimes that I love just the same.

Good night and sweet dreams.

p.s. I love you

9 Crimes - Michael Schulte

I found another version of 9 Crimes that I absolutely love.

Dear Seth,

I will always ask myself why. Why couldn't I give my love to someone that could return it with fervor like I deserve? And why did I have to fall in love with you. And every night why does my heart break into a million pieces and an insurmountable amount of tears fall up on deaf ears?

p.s. I love you

Dear Seth,

I had a nightmare last night. I was fired from a job that I didn't even apply for. Afterwards all I know is that I wanted to find you, if I could I knew that everything would be okay. Sadly I woke up before I saw your beautiful face.

And I was so so close to looking at your face again.

p.s. I love you

Dear Seth,

Well I'm coming back to Chas. next month. This time with Kim, my bestie. I am so freaking excited and can't wait. Just thought that if you do read this that you'd like to know that.

Hope that you're having a great night. Take care.

p.s. I love you

Dear Seth,

Well tomorrow is my birthday and there is only one wish that I have, to see you. Yeah I know it's not going to happen but a girl can dream right? Right!

Hope you're having a great day. Smile.

p.s. I love you

This letter is to all you people from LTC that read my blog. Fine you guys win. I still love Seth. Always will. But he just breaks my heart so fucking bad, you don't know. I cry and it makes me so sad that I'm trying my best to move on and no one really gets it. It's like I take one step forward only to slide 2 steps back and never make any progress in getting on with my life without him.

And to you Seth, I just don't know anymore. I just wish things could be different between us but you are so damn stubborn.

Good night and sweet dreams.

p.s. I love you

Dear Seth,

I wish that I could tell you goodbye in my dreams too but some part of me doesn't want to. Seeing your face some how gets me through the days admittedly. And maybe I'm just being masochistic in torturing myself like this because this is the only way we'll ever be together.

p.s. I love you

Damine Rice - 9 Crimes

Dear Seth,

I have a feeling that I'm going to dream about you tonight. It's been 3 glorious dream free days without seeing you when I close my eyes. Tonight I think that my heart might need you a little more than I thought it did.

I just want to be over you so bad and whenever I have those dreams I fall right back to the begging and it freaking hurts now because I know that it will never happen between us. But my subconscious seems to think otherwise.

Slowly I feel myself breaking and I don't want to any more.

p.s. I love you

Dear Seth,

Just a thought for today.

I was never going to be good enough for you was I? Other people see how great and fabulous I am but you were too blind. And most of all I know that I was and that's what hurts so damn much. Whatever it is that is going through your head I will wait even if it takes forever. I still love you.

Hope that you're having a great day.

p.s. I love you

Dear Seth,

Tonight I have nothing more to say than Tha Gaol Agam Ort. Always.

p.s. I love you

Dear Seth,

I want you out of my head it's hurting too bad this time around. I dream of you every damn night. Here I am up at 1 am seriously contemplating using a hypnotist to make me forget you. I am trying so hard to move on yet you still creep into every freaking thought I have.

Nothing is sacred or safe when it comes to you. I constantly have bags under my eyes because I try and stay awake as long as I dare too only to have it backfire when I close them. This has become too much torture for me. There is no where that I can turn to that doesn't remind me of you. Please I am begging you to leave my thoughts, I am so very tired and want to sleep.

* I ended up awake until 5 in the morning because of you. I cried so much because I didn't want to dream again. I did but thankfully it was something else entirely.

p.s. I love you

Dear Seth,

I have never loved you more than I do than at this moment. That is why I am letting you go. I'll still write to you from time to time just to let you know how I'm doing.

Hope that you're doing okay and are having a great night, I know that I am.

Good night and sweet dreams.

p.s. I love you

Dear Seth,

So this is what happened during the night.

I dreamed of you again last night. Some say that when that happens that person is thinking of you. And if it's true, for the first time ever, I wish that you wouldn't. It hurts too much to see someone in my dreams that I'll never have, it really breaks my heart.

I hope that you're having a great day.

p.s. I love you