Falling Into You - Mae

Dear Seth,

I'm just wondering if I would have ever been good enough for you. No these things that I'm doing I'm doing them for me but are you proud, just even a little bit? God what I wouldn't give to know.

Anyways I found a new song that sort of reminds me of you and I'm sitting here in tears.

p.s. I love you

Silver Swans - Secrets

Dear Seth,

I don't know why but this song reminds me of you. Huh go figure, just like most things now days.

p.s. I love you

Dear Seth,

I hope that one day that you'll realize that I love you so much.

p.s. I love you

Wish You Were Here - Avril Lavigne

p.s. I love you

p.s.s 115. Damn wishful thinking

Dear Seth,

I'm in the middle of reading, finally, The Fault In Our Stars. Yeah it's sort of a girlie book but it has it's points too. And it's sort of, the emotional part at least, what I'm going through. And you sort of remind me of the novelist in the book Peter. It makes me smile and cry at the same time.

I'm just to the part where Gus and Hazel are finishing their dinner date the first night they are there. I don't know if she gets to meet the author, but she's one lucky lady ( even though she's a fictional character ). That's all that I have ever wanted is to meet you face to face. To at least for sure get to see once in my life whom I fell in love with. I only have like 4 more days here in which to make that dream come true before heading to Missouri. Please would you give me that chance Seth?

Bah I've become really emotional right now. I guess I'll go back to reading the book to see how it turns out. Hope that you're having a great rest of the day.

p.s. I love you

Dear Seth,

Short and sweet tonight. Good night and sweet dreams. Hope that you're day was as good as mine.

p.s. I love you

Dear Seth,

Well it's 2 am. I was expecting to take just a short nap and ended up sleeping somewhere around 4 hours. Yeah I'm going to be hurting in the morning. I had dinner at Max's. Tri- Mushroom Pasta with Chicken. So freaking good dude with whole roasted garlic cloves and evoo.  And also I had a half order of nachos. Oh my God it was so good. I couldn't even finish it all so it sits in the fridge to be eaten later. Tomorrow I'm going to try a monstrous macaroon, bigger than my hand.

Being here in Burlingame again has brought back so many memories. For a moment I thought that I was in Charleston again. It made me smile. I miss it there so much like I know that I'm going to miss it here. Looking up at the big moon and brights stars tonight took my breath away here at the hotel. I wonder if you did the same?

Anyways I hope that you had a great day even though it was a bit blustery and blah compared to a few days ago. At least I can say that the sun was shining for all the warmth it did not give. I knew that I should have brought a coat. :) Well good night to you and sweet dreams Seth. Tomorrow is another day.

p.s. I love you

Dear Seth,

Tonight I need you so damn bad. You are the only thing that makes sense in this fucking crazy world. I'm sure by now that you know that I'm staying at the Red Roof Inn here in Burlingame. If you see this please come. Please. I'll be waiting.

p.s. I love you

Dear Seth,

Going to try and go to the city on Caltran, at the Burlingame station, later today. Would love to see you there. I need more great things to happen to me to make me not think about the bad. And yeah you're one of the great. Will try and be there somewhere around 12:30 - 1 pm. Even though you haven't said anything, yesterday you were the reason I was smiling. I'm happier when I think of you. Thanks for that.

I hope that you had a great day. Nice weather though a little on the hot side. God it felt like I was melting. And reminded me of Charleston. Good and great memories right there.

Well good night and sweet dreams.

p.s. I love you

Dear Seth,

Because of you I damn well fell in love with California again. Shit I hate you :P. It's so nice here in Burlingame. The sun is shining and warm but not too much. Time to go out exploring.

p.s. I love you

Dear Seth,

I'm here. God please grant me this one humble request. I really would love to see you. I'm at the same place, Red Roof Inn. And it's still the same. Love it. Hope that you're having a great day today. I know that I am. :)

p.s. I love you

Dear Seth,

Goodnight and sweet dreams.

p.s. I love you

Dreaming With a Broken Heart - John Mayer

Dear Seth,

Sometimes I still think like this.

p.s. I love you

Dear Seth,

Day after tomorrow I'll be there. Please just once grant me this wish. I'm begging. I want to know.

p.s. I love you

Dear Seth,

Well I'm just waiting to hear back from the doctors. The first part of next month I'll have an endoscopy done. And to be honest I'm a little scared. I wish you were there to hold my hand and tell me that everything is going to be okay.

p.s. I love you

Dear Seth,

I hope that one day soon you come out of your shell. I would really love to meet you so badly. Please grant me this wish. I'll be there on Sunday. Here's to hoping.

Well I hope that you had a great day and that you were happy. Good night and sweet dreams.

p.s. I love you

Dear Seth,

I can imagine dancing to this song.

p.s. I love you

Dear Seth,

They say that everyone has their person. The one no matter how much they hurt you you'll always love them. You are my person. But I don't think you realize how much. I cannot wait for the day to tell you that you are more than a mere blip on my radar, you have become my life.

p.s. I love you

This is how you make me feel Seth. I'm pretty sure that I've shared this here before but I'm doing it again. :)

Dear Seth,

Nights like tonight I miss you the most. I just feel so alone. But with you I can be honest about everything when we do talk. Thank you so much for that.

I hope that your day went great and that you sleep well. Good night and sweet dreams Seth.

p.s. I love you

Dear Seth,

Hopefully in six days I'll be able to finally see you. That is my only wish I have ever wanted. Hope that you're having a great day so far. Smile and everything will be all right.

p.s. I love you

Dear Seth,

I want to tell you so badly that I love you... but you and people surrounding you severely wounded my psyche. I tried to get over my feelings for you that my heart created. And for a moment there was success.

Now I'm back at the begining, loving you in silence. And I think that's how it will always be. I'll never have the courage to tell you a second time.

But I'll say it here; I love you and always will. Neither time nor space will ever change how I feel about you. My heart will always belong to you.

p.s. I love you

Dear Seth,

They say that you never forget your first love. How true that is because you are mine, my first and last.

I hope that you had a great day and have a better day tomorrow. 16 days. Cannot wait.

p.s. I love you

Dear Seth,

Early this morning it got really bad. I'm scared. It's not a panic attack like I thought. I had all the symptoms but throwing up blood, a lot of it, it's a part of it. I just need you so bad. God I can't wait to get to Cali. Then maybe.........

I hope that your day is going fantabulous and the sun is shining and you're smiling.

p.s. I love you

Dear Seth,

Tonight I pray to dream of you. It just helps me feel so much better when I wake up with a smile on my face and looking forward to whatever life brings me that day.

My best friend Kim asked me something and I have been thinking a lot about it too. She said " Okay Gina what if you had 3 months to live, who would you be thinking about?" And without a thought it would be you always would be too. Why in the hell do you have such a hold over me that I can't even almost function properly ever since I was introduced to you.? I have tried everything in my power to get over you and I can't. I'm sorry. This is how it will always be for me, loving you no matter what.

Well good night and sweet dreams Seth. I am proud of you for trying to make the site a better place. Don't forget to smile.

p.s. I love you

Dear Seth,

I have one more chance to see you. This time I'm not going to mess it up. God I am coming back to California.

p.s. I love you

Dear Seth,

Today is a happy day. I posted something in the Facebook group and your responded immediately. I haven't come down off my high and it's been hours. Thank you for making me feel this way.

p.s. I love you

Dear Seth,

I wish that you would step out of your comfort zone and see me. I just need to know.

p.s. I love you

Dear Seth,

Goodnight and sweet dreams. May your day be beautiful and blessed.

p.s. I love you

Dear Seth,

I wanted to let you know that I wrote this about you.

So after much deliberation and being that it my last night here, I balled out, went up to his door gently knocking. Last night I finally got to meet the man that I have loved for so long with baited breath. There on the other side stood a most gorgeous man. Damn this was going to be harder than I thought.

It turned out that he was egotistical and rude beyond belief. Never had I met a person that I wanted to punch so badly, making my blood boil. I think that I even called him an asshole. I remember him getting me a beer with a smug smile lit upon his handsome face, which pissed me off even more for some reason. Maybe because he knows that I'm wrapped around his little finger and would follow him through hell and back without a question of why.

Getting to know him was proving to be difficult. His friends, that we were hanging with, gave me some insight to why he was acting the way he was towards me. So he was hurt in previous relationships as was I. But that didn't give him the right to act that way.

Being the stupid person that I was I left. While waiting in the terminal for my flight to be called I started regretting my actions towards him. Sometimes people deserve a second chance but was he worth the risk?

Just then my flight was called. Before entering the plane I turned back to fall back on a familiar form, making my heart leap wildly. I knew then without a question that I loved him no matter what. He needed someone to give him that second chance. So I did what they do in the movies, I ran up to him giving him a kiss like no other.

He apologized for his actions,telling me that he loved me too. He told me about his past and why he was like he was. It made tear up inside. That meant that we could finally build a future together.

And the... I freaking woke up. This isn't fair. I've waited for so long and it was just a dream.

p.s. I love you

Dear Seth,

I think that I'm going to have to accept the fact that I'm going to always be in love with you. I've tried everything to forget you and have failed. You have been my highest and also lowest points in life. You've had me jumping for joy and I have cried myself into oblivion. I hate that my heart refuses to get over you. All that these feelings do are turning me into a masochistict blob. And God how I want more of you no matter how much I'm starting to feel for him. I wish that I never was introduced to you. My heart and soul need to heal from all the damage done. I want to be done with loving you because there is a very special man that truly deserves the wasted effort I put into a boy who can't even love himself. But I can't. So my heart will always be torn in two.

p.s. I love you