Dear Seth,

I wish that you were here right now. I can hear the rain is pattering down from the floors below. Drip, drip drip. It would make my night complete with you by my side.

p.s. I love you

Dear Seth,

Tonight I'm all by myself. I'll have no one to really talk to or see. I do but I don't want to be alone. Wish you would show your face :)

Hope that you're having a great day. It's really nice and warm outside. Go out and enjoy yourself. Be happy and smile. That's what I want most from you. That's all I've ever really wanted.

p.s. I love you

Dear Seth,

While on BART today and almost seeing that terrible accident made me realize that I am so in love with you. Life is too short and I don't want to waste another minute not telling you either. And when I finally was able to get to the city almost 2 hours later I wanted to give everyone a hug and tell them that I loved them even though I'm a stranger. Everyone deserves to hear it.

I hope that you had a great day and are having sweet dreams. Tomorrow is another day full of adventure and mayhem for me. Wish you were there to see it through my eyes.

Good night and Tha gaol agam ort.

p.s. I love you

Dear Seth,

I'm going to try and go to the main library in San Francisco today. I would love to see you there, my " angel ". Hope that you're having a great day.

p.s. I love you

Dear Seth,

Though I like Drew a lot this was meant for you.

I'm scared out of my mind. Being sick and on vacation is no fun. Doctor's don't know what is wrong with me and it's frightning and frustrating. Especially when they take more notice of your ink than the issues at hand.

All though my best friend, whom I love to death, is here by my side there is someone that I want even more holding my hand. And when they poke and prode me telling me everything is going to be okay I want you here so bad. I'm so tired of being a pin cushion with too many bruises to count almost.

I try and take walks along the path of my hotel to clear my head. But the only thing that helps is that sometimes at night when the moon is shining brightly I look up to where it is and just stare praying that we are looking at it together. It makes me feel so not alone in this big world. And tonight it feels like one of those nights to do exactly just that, to just let it all out and cry.

Though you are probably fast asleep some how I hope that this reaches you. Sweet dreams, I love you Seth.

p.s. I love you

Dear Seth,

Tonight I am doing half way okay. What ever I have is scaring the shit out of me and I don't like it one bit. After I have one of these attacks all I want to do is sleep because it drains me. It feels something akin to a seizure.

For the first time in my life I'm scared, really scared. I've had tests done on my heart and abdomen yet the doctors can't figure it out. I don't want to die. There is so much that I want to see and do in my life, with you being a big part of that.

Well tomorrow is another day. Hopefully it won't be as bad. I'm so tired of being a human pin cushion and having bruises all over my body. And I can't leave here until I find out what the fuck is wrong with me. It would be too much of a strain on me to leave and have an attack happen on the bus.

Hope that you're having a better day than I am. Take care and have sweet dreams and a beautiful tomorrow.

p.s. I love you

Dear Seth,

I'm going to try and venture into the city. Wish you were there with me. I hope that you're having a great day. The sun is nice and warm. Take a walk you never know what adventure awaits you until you do!

p.s. I love you

Dear Seth,

I had another episode today. Went to the hospital but the bastards can't find out what is wrong with me. And to be honest I'm scared as hell. I wish that you were here to help me make sense of this. But I'm here at the hotel now and feeling pretty okay.

Hope that you're having a way better day than I am. I miss talking to you so much Seth it's not funny. Maybe one day soon it will happen. I'll be waiting for that day forever if that's what it takes.

p.s. I love you

Dear Seth,

I'm going for a walk along the marsh near the dog park here. Would love to see you. This funny feeling is happening again and I think that you would be able to calm it down. No lie.

p.s. I love you

Dear Seth,

Every moment that I was at the hospital, thinking that I was dying, I thought of you and how I hadn't told you enough that I loved you. I do so much. And now that I have been given a second chance some how and some way I'll make things right.

p.s. I love you

The Script - Nothing

Dear Seth,

This is me right now. And if I had enough balls I would scream your name out loud into the night.

p.s. I love you

Dear Seth,

Tonight for the first time in almost a week I haven't had a panic attack. I know that you're safe and okay. It has set my mind at ease. Plus you're talking to me again and it feels great. I've missed that so damn much.

But damn you I just fell in love with another ltc'er because of you. Bastard.

Anyways I hope that you are having sweet dreams.

p.s. I love you

Dear Seth,

Everytime I go out I hold my breath hoping to see you. Sometimes I think that I do, see you that is. Maybe it's all just wishful thinking I don't know. Here is to to all the 11:11's and wishing on stars. God how I'm hoping I see you again.

p.s. I love you

Dear Seth,

I'll be in the city today wearing my Tweedle Dee shirt. LOL. I don't know why but I just went wonky last night and am so tired today.

I hope that you're having a great day.

p.s. I love you

Dear Seth,

Today I'll be waking around Chinatown. Come and find me, I dare you too ;) . Let's say hmm about 1 pm. I know that you probably won't but at least I can hope, right? Right!

p.s. I love you

Dear Seth,

Maybe you go out, maybe not. But I'll be at the Hotel Utah Saloon tonight. Please be there I need you so much.

p.s. I love you

Dear Seth,

Today I promise that I'll be down at The Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf. I really need you.

p.s. I love you

Dear Seth,

If you're reading this tonight, I need you so much. I'm at the RRI in Burlingame. I just feel honestly so lost without you.

p.s. I love you

Dear Seth,

Today Kim and I plan on going to The Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf on Market and 4th and to Chinatown. A part of me wishes that I could see you too. Why do you have to be in my every waking thought and dream to need you by my side so desperately?

Anyways I hope that you have a great day. It's supposed to be really nice in the upper 60's lower 70's, plenty of sunshine.

p.s. I love you

Dear Seth,

I'm here once again in the bay area. It feels good to be back even though I haven't been gone that long. I think about the day that I met your father and what we talked about as well.

Even though I was on the bus for more than 24 hours I am wide awake now after having coffee from Leann's. Best coffee in the world I think.  Okay I'm now rambling so I'll let you go for now.

I hope that you're having a great day.

p.s. I love you

Dear Seth,

Tonight I think that I might need you just a little bit. And now the radio had to go and play Marry Me by Train. Nice going.

Anyways I hope that you had a great day. Good night and sweet dreams.

p.s I love you

Dear Seth,

I'm back here in Boise. Can't wait to go back to San Francisco so bad. I miss it there even though I have only been gone for a few days. But more than anything I wish I could see you Seth. On my last day I got to see your sweet father. I wonder if he's still there?

Well I'll write more to you later. I hope that you're having a great day.

p.s. I love you

Dear Seth,

I wish that it could have been you that I was talking to instead. Maybe next week when I'm back there? God only one could hope and pray.

Yesterday I had the pleasure of meeting your father. I had a chance to tell him what kind of impact you have put on me and changing my entire world. I wish I would have said anything. That is something that will haunt me. I regret it now.  And I can't believe that I missed the chance to thank him for helping bring to life the boy I love so deeply.

Instead I just soaked him in. Looking at how tall he is compared to me. Seeing how very blue his eyes were. Or how when he smiled at me the laugh lines burrowed into his forehead, which I'm sure half of them were because of you, the other half from your mother. I just stood there memorizing the timbre of his voice and the beams of sun glinting off his salt and pepper golden hair.

To be honest a little part of me fell for him too knowing, that in part, you surely will look a lot like him at his age.

Please Fate, if you're reading this, give me one more chance. This time I promise I won't screw it up.

p.s. I love you

Dear Seth,

Sometimes fate works in very mysterious ways. And too much of a coincidence not to be who I think it is. I was out waiting for the shuttle and this good looking older gentleman notices that I had a Piggly Wiggly t shirt on. We talked for a moment and he said that he was from Chas and I'm like cool I was just there and the town from where I got the shirt from, from where you were from. I mean no one comes to San Francisco from over there just for vacation. Chas is so much better. That made me very happy seeing him.

Anyways I can't wait to get back to here next week with Kim. Going to have so much fun. Well I'm off for now.

p.s. I love you

Dear Seth,

The whole time I was with him I was thinking of you. I just couldn't. And I realized that I will always be in love with you, always.

Tomorrow I go home for a few days and then I'm back in San Francisco for a real vacation. Kim will be with me too. Should be a little more interesting this time around. So I'll be hanging out at The Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf off of 4th and Market if you happen to walk by anytime before 4 pm, hint hint. Would seriously love to see you Seth.

Hope all is well with you. Take care. Good night and sweet dreams.

p.s. I love you

Dear Seth,

I'm not doing so good right now. I'm bad sick right now. I was up until 2 something in the morning puking. And Seth in most of it there was blood too. I don't know what in the hell I have but I need you so bad. I'm thinking of going to Ocean Beach and doing what I have to do and then going to the hospital. Yeah it's stupid not to go right now but I don't want it to be a big thing. I don't want to go to General Hospital but that seems the only option right now. This just really blows.

I'll write more to you later.

p.s. I love you

Dear Seth,

Tomorrow I'll be at Ocean Beach if you still read my blog. Though I'm still sick and all that I would love to see you. I should be there around one ish. :)

Hope that you're having a great night. Take care and sweet dreams.

p.s. I love you

Dear Seth,

Once again I'll be down at The Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf on Market and 4th trying to figure out the mess the queue is in. Sorry about that. Wish you were there. <3

p.s. I love you

Dear Seth,

I think that I will always see you in every place I go and into every face I see. I miss you so much right now.

Good night and sweet dreams.

p.s. I love you

Dear Seth,

I'll be there at the coffee bean and tea leaf in about two hours. I wish you would be there too. Sometimes this is just too much to bear without you to talk to, honestly.

p.s. I love you

Dear Seth,

I need you tonight. Please. I did something that should have NEVER happened. I'll be waiting for you again at the coffee bean and tea leaf again later today around 1pm. I'm begging Seth.

p.s. I love you