Dear Seth,

Tonight I am doing half way okay. What ever I have is scaring the shit out of me and I don't like it one bit. After I have one of these attacks all I want to do is sleep because it drains me. It feels something akin to a seizure.

For the first time in my life I'm scared, really scared. I've had tests done on my heart and abdomen yet the doctors can't figure it out. I don't want to die. There is so much that I want to see and do in my life, with you being a big part of that.

Well tomorrow is another day. Hopefully it won't be as bad. I'm so tired of being a human pin cushion and having bruises all over my body. And I can't leave here until I find out what the fuck is wrong with me. It would be too much of a strain on me to leave and have an attack happen on the bus.

Hope that you're having a better day than I am. Take care and have sweet dreams and a beautiful tomorrow.

p.s. I love you