Dear Seth,

I think that it's finally come to this, us ignoring each other. I wanted so badly to say something but... I just couldn't. Things were too serious with G and smoke. There will never be words to describe what I feel for you, well totally feel for you.

Things have gotten so bad with my health that I don't know if I'll make it back to Idaho. Here is what is going on with me. I eat but my pant size is going down, rapidly. I'm nauseous all the time. I have lack of energy, though I try my best to do things. I never sleep anymore. I find myself waking up earlier and earlier every morning. And right now I'm so damn scared.

I just wanted one moment with you. I got it and blew it tonight. I'm not saying this to get attention at all. Please believe that. But I have no where to turn other than here or ltc at the moment.

If I ever get your attention there is one thing that I would love to say, no matter what. Thank you for making me smile and for just everything. Never have I been so happy in my life. That, I think, is the best gift anyone could receive in life. With everything going on in my life I don't think that I'd be able to do it without..... hell I just can't do it anymore.

This isn't a goodbye letter but just one of how I'm feeling at the moment. I have been writing to you regularly here for almost a year. That's how much I still care for you. And God help me I love you.

p.s I love you