Dear Seth,
So..... I found out a little more about you, in a way, hey I did have to make sure you're doing okay. Anyhoo I see you like some um very interesting music. It's leaving me in between biting my lip and and and uh leaving me opened mouth. And here I was thinking I was the only freak in the world. Hella naw dude you are too ;) . Love it. I like Danny Brown's flow. Great taste, especially his song I Will. Now I have a cocky little grin on my face that I think will carry until I sleep then dream of you, like last night.
I hope that you're having a great day. For the first time in a long while I know that I am.
p.s. I love you
Wednesday, April 30, 2014
Thursday, April 24, 2014
Tyler Knott Gregson poem 757 part three
Dear Seth,
This is all I think that I have almost wanted to say to you. Thank God that Tyler Knott Gregson was able to write it so aptly.
I want rainfall and I want your hair soaked in it. I want green grass and light pouring in through tree branches and slow steady steps towards me. I want the sound of nothing when it’s shared with you, I want to gasp as nothing always becomes something when your hand is in my hand and the night unfolds. I want movies that play as we don’t bother watching them and I want kisses in the back of the theater when we forget people can see. I want popcorn spills and candy hands and the stillness we swear lives around us. I want the noise rustling grocery bags make when you try to squeeze them to all be carried in one trip and I want the fullness of pantry shelves and I want the standing with hands on hips and long stares into them to unearth the secret of what dinner will consist of. I want the slow motion fall of hair that was cut and I want the chuckling laughter when you cut a spot too short. I want to watch the broom sweep back and forth and forth and back and I want to hold the dustpan to catch the cast aside pieces of me you no longer thought I needed. I want your feet in my hands and my thumbs sore from pressing out the hours you spent on them. I want laughter that comes on so suddenly that everyone around us thinks our tears are of sorrow and our breath abandoned us like we were sinking ships and the sea was filled with lifeboats. I want to be the mirror that watches you disapprove of yourself and I want to be the voice that comes in at the perfect moment to say how beautiful the exact spot you didn’t know I knew you were staring at is.
p.s. I love you
This is all I think that I have almost wanted to say to you. Thank God that Tyler Knott Gregson was able to write it so aptly.
I want rainfall and I want your hair soaked in it. I want green grass and light pouring in through tree branches and slow steady steps towards me. I want the sound of nothing when it’s shared with you, I want to gasp as nothing always becomes something when your hand is in my hand and the night unfolds. I want movies that play as we don’t bother watching them and I want kisses in the back of the theater when we forget people can see. I want popcorn spills and candy hands and the stillness we swear lives around us. I want the noise rustling grocery bags make when you try to squeeze them to all be carried in one trip and I want the fullness of pantry shelves and I want the standing with hands on hips and long stares into them to unearth the secret of what dinner will consist of. I want the slow motion fall of hair that was cut and I want the chuckling laughter when you cut a spot too short. I want to watch the broom sweep back and forth and forth and back and I want to hold the dustpan to catch the cast aside pieces of me you no longer thought I needed. I want your feet in my hands and my thumbs sore from pressing out the hours you spent on them. I want laughter that comes on so suddenly that everyone around us thinks our tears are of sorrow and our breath abandoned us like we were sinking ships and the sea was filled with lifeboats. I want to be the mirror that watches you disapprove of yourself and I want to be the voice that comes in at the perfect moment to say how beautiful the exact spot you didn’t know I knew you were staring at is.
p.s. I love you
Tuesday, April 22, 2014
Dear Seth,
There was a time that I held a deep seeded hateful grudge against you. I was not just broken inside I was mad and beyond hurt about a lot of things. Most of all I think that I did not like myself more than anything and took it out on those I loved and still love the most.
Then I let that go, I had to. I learned that I saw only what I wanted to see and not the whole picture. And when I let those toxic feelings go I saw the most beautiful world and the most beautiful human being standing there needing to be loved most of all.
What had happened in my past had taken over what my future held. It almost destroyed me and I know it hurt you deeply as well. One day I hope you will be able forgive me for disliking you so much.
Though there are times that you can be one hell of a blazing idiot I still love you like no other. I have come to the conclusion that there will be no one else for me. No it's not a sad thing to think but an amazing one, because to have someone love and care for you no matter what, to love them an no other I think is pretty damn special right there. I just wish you would see that too.
p.s. I love you
There was a time that I held a deep seeded hateful grudge against you. I was not just broken inside I was mad and beyond hurt about a lot of things. Most of all I think that I did not like myself more than anything and took it out on those I loved and still love the most.
Then I let that go, I had to. I learned that I saw only what I wanted to see and not the whole picture. And when I let those toxic feelings go I saw the most beautiful world and the most beautiful human being standing there needing to be loved most of all.
What had happened in my past had taken over what my future held. It almost destroyed me and I know it hurt you deeply as well. One day I hope you will be able forgive me for disliking you so much.
Though there are times that you can be one hell of a blazing idiot I still love you like no other. I have come to the conclusion that there will be no one else for me. No it's not a sad thing to think but an amazing one, because to have someone love and care for you no matter what, to love them an no other I think is pretty damn special right there. I just wish you would see that too.
p.s. I love you
Sunday, April 20, 2014
Dear Seth,
Tonight I did not fall in love with you because you made me laugh. I fell in love with you because of the kind words you spoke to me. The words of reassurance of that it will all be okay, somehow. You give me hope and strength. And you give me hope that good guys still exist out in there in the world.
What you did for me and others tonight I don't know if there will ever be a way to pay you back. I have struggled a lot with being bullied all my life, due to various situations. I think that you were as well. And you just got sick of it. The only reason that I do not assert myself more is because first the ones that I'd be speaking to are children, 17 and under. And secondly I love letters to crushes too much to stupe to that level of immaturity. I was verily tried but held steadfast.
This is also what I feel for you as well. I hope you don't mind a repeat of what I said before on the site.
I am starting to have a more clearer perspective of what is going on. Maybe I did not see things quite right from your view point. I am trying to do so.
In our exchanges I think that we are starting to tentatively become friends. So fragile that it is I do not want to rush it and destroy such a beautiful thing. But I am loving this feeling that is growing inside. Wanting to be someones friend more than a lover is something that I have never had the pleasure of experiencing with anyone and I want to with you and no one else.
Thank you.
I hope that you're having a great night and have sweet dreams. I know that I am going to go to bed so much happier, and wake up with a true smile on my face.
p.s. I love you
Tonight I did not fall in love with you because you made me laugh. I fell in love with you because of the kind words you spoke to me. The words of reassurance of that it will all be okay, somehow. You give me hope and strength. And you give me hope that good guys still exist out in there in the world.
What you did for me and others tonight I don't know if there will ever be a way to pay you back. I have struggled a lot with being bullied all my life, due to various situations. I think that you were as well. And you just got sick of it. The only reason that I do not assert myself more is because first the ones that I'd be speaking to are children, 17 and under. And secondly I love letters to crushes too much to stupe to that level of immaturity. I was verily tried but held steadfast.
This is also what I feel for you as well. I hope you don't mind a repeat of what I said before on the site.
I am starting to have a more clearer perspective of what is going on. Maybe I did not see things quite right from your view point. I am trying to do so.
In our exchanges I think that we are starting to tentatively become friends. So fragile that it is I do not want to rush it and destroy such a beautiful thing. But I am loving this feeling that is growing inside. Wanting to be someones friend more than a lover is something that I have never had the pleasure of experiencing with anyone and I want to with you and no one else.
Thank you.
I hope that you're having a great night and have sweet dreams. I know that I am going to go to bed so much happier, and wake up with a true smile on my face.
p.s. I love you
Friday, April 18, 2014
Dear Seth,
I have a lot on my mind and need to get it out.
Things have become a little complicated to the point that there might be things I will say in the near future that either set me free or hurt the both of us and there would never be a chance at a future. I know that if I do not do this though I will always feel like a caged bird. And that I will refuse to do to myself. I deserve better than that.
Whatever happens please understand that I love you so much, so very much. Always have and always will.
p.s. I love you
I have a lot on my mind and need to get it out.
Things have become a little complicated to the point that there might be things I will say in the near future that either set me free or hurt the both of us and there would never be a chance at a future. I know that if I do not do this though I will always feel like a caged bird. And that I will refuse to do to myself. I deserve better than that.
Whatever happens please understand that I love you so much, so very much. Always have and always will.
p.s. I love you
Wednesday, April 16, 2014
Dear Seth,
Tonight I am really sad. What went down yesterday is making me hurt. I am almost in tears all the time, even now. People actually hate me for what was done. Fucking why? I do not understand why they bullied and harassed people like that. And now they are doing it to me, sending pm's and kik. I cannot even read them yet.
I am not going to let them tear down anyone like that. Banning them was a good call. Thanks for coming in and rescuing me. But I will tell you that smoke is one of the main instagators. She is always putting down people for every little thing. And I am the one that has to hear others complain about her. So fucking what that she is messed up in all kinds of ways, we all are. But it does not give them free reign to do what they please. I do not feel that sorey for her. And what are you talking about respect for her? God, please tell me that you are not that guilable. She has pulled the wool over a lot of peoples eyes. Do not do this dude.
When and if you read this know that tonight that I am seriously considering leaving ltc. I love you so very much, Seth but I am tired of being this sad. This is not me. I have been there through a lot of crap, and I mean a lot. I have worked tirelessly, most days from the time I wake up to the time I go to bed, on that beautiful site of yours. Now I am just so mentally drained. I want to stay so badly but I will not if this continues, even though others need guidance so desperately and I love them like my own.
Hopefully I will get a great nights sleep after getting to bed at like 5 am and waking up at almost 8 this morning. Yeah that is how much of a peachy time I have had. Total bullshit. And maybe I will have a clearer head and a sense of what direction to take.
Goodnight and sweet dreams.
p.s. I love you
Tonight I am really sad. What went down yesterday is making me hurt. I am almost in tears all the time, even now. People actually hate me for what was done. Fucking why? I do not understand why they bullied and harassed people like that. And now they are doing it to me, sending pm's and kik. I cannot even read them yet.
I am not going to let them tear down anyone like that. Banning them was a good call. Thanks for coming in and rescuing me. But I will tell you that smoke is one of the main instagators. She is always putting down people for every little thing. And I am the one that has to hear others complain about her. So fucking what that she is messed up in all kinds of ways, we all are. But it does not give them free reign to do what they please. I do not feel that sorey for her. And what are you talking about respect for her? God, please tell me that you are not that guilable. She has pulled the wool over a lot of peoples eyes. Do not do this dude.
When and if you read this know that tonight that I am seriously considering leaving ltc. I love you so very much, Seth but I am tired of being this sad. This is not me. I have been there through a lot of crap, and I mean a lot. I have worked tirelessly, most days from the time I wake up to the time I go to bed, on that beautiful site of yours. Now I am just so mentally drained. I want to stay so badly but I will not if this continues, even though others need guidance so desperately and I love them like my own.
Hopefully I will get a great nights sleep after getting to bed at like 5 am and waking up at almost 8 this morning. Yeah that is how much of a peachy time I have had. Total bullshit. And maybe I will have a clearer head and a sense of what direction to take.
Goodnight and sweet dreams.
p.s. I love you
Tuesday, April 15, 2014
Dear Seth,
You are sincerely the love of my life. I will never be able to forget such an awesome being as you. The smiles, the laughter, the overwhelming urge to protect and love you unconditionally, the endless miles miles traveled just for a chance to see heaven on earth, the chance meeting your father the last minutes I was in Burlingame back in March of last year, the out right pain and tears shed has been worth it. I hope you know that I really do love you with all of my heart.
p.s I love you
You are sincerely the love of my life. I will never be able to forget such an awesome being as you. The smiles, the laughter, the overwhelming urge to protect and love you unconditionally, the endless miles miles traveled just for a chance to see heaven on earth, the chance meeting your father the last minutes I was in Burlingame back in March of last year, the out right pain and tears shed has been worth it. I hope you know that I really do love you with all of my heart.
p.s I love you
Dear Seth,
Tonight looking up at the eclipsed blood moon was amazing. Sadly it's a little hazy so I couldn't see the color, but I know it's there just the same.
I don't know if it will be one of the last I look at so I tried to make it as memorable as possible.
My health really sucks right now. Today my Kim got to see another side of what is going on. My left arm was a pale yellow color.
Right now I am so very scared. I don't want to be alone. I feel like crying but I know that won't accomplish anything. So I just deal when these episodes come.
Anyways you have been in chat all day long, so have I. And at times we were alone, just the two of us. I don't know if you were actually there or that chat is jacked and didn't log you out. Whatever the case may be I didn't and don't feel alone. I want to try and keep in there for as long as my eyes will permit me. So I am trying my best to talk to sweet Puffin about her chem mid terms and fluffies. LOL.
Also what you have seen in chat is the real me, right along with what I write to you every night these past two weeks. Those words have been the most honest I have been with myself. I hope that you don't mind.
Well I'm going back to chat with you and Puffin for now. I hope that you had an awesome day and that I didn't bug you too much with that stuff from earlier.
Goodnight and hope you have the sweetest of dreams.
p.s. I love you
Tonight looking up at the eclipsed blood moon was amazing. Sadly it's a little hazy so I couldn't see the color, but I know it's there just the same.
I don't know if it will be one of the last I look at so I tried to make it as memorable as possible.
My health really sucks right now. Today my Kim got to see another side of what is going on. My left arm was a pale yellow color.
Right now I am so very scared. I don't want to be alone. I feel like crying but I know that won't accomplish anything. So I just deal when these episodes come.
Anyways you have been in chat all day long, so have I. And at times we were alone, just the two of us. I don't know if you were actually there or that chat is jacked and didn't log you out. Whatever the case may be I didn't and don't feel alone. I want to try and keep in there for as long as my eyes will permit me. So I am trying my best to talk to sweet Puffin about her chem mid terms and fluffies. LOL.
Also what you have seen in chat is the real me, right along with what I write to you every night these past two weeks. Those words have been the most honest I have been with myself. I hope that you don't mind.
Well I'm going back to chat with you and Puffin for now. I hope that you had an awesome day and that I didn't bug you too much with that stuff from earlier.
Goodnight and hope you have the sweetest of dreams.
p.s. I love you
Monday, April 14, 2014
Friday, April 4, 2014
Dear Seth,
There is a thunderstorm brewing over the hills. Excitement is building in me. Hail falling brings me joy like a little kid experiencing something they have never seen before. Hearing thunder roar makes my hair stand up on end from the static. Seeing the lightening fills me with such wonder that something so simple could just happen. And that is how you make me feel too, like a thunderstorm
In other news I'll be downtown tonight playing pool with Kim at Hannah's and roaming around. I so desperately wish you were there. I know I'll end up seeing your face in every guy I look at always wondering....
p.s. I love you
There is a thunderstorm brewing over the hills. Excitement is building in me. Hail falling brings me joy like a little kid experiencing something they have never seen before. Hearing thunder roar makes my hair stand up on end from the static. Seeing the lightening fills me with such wonder that something so simple could just happen. And that is how you make me feel too, like a thunderstorm
In other news I'll be downtown tonight playing pool with Kim at Hannah's and roaming around. I so desperately wish you were there. I know I'll end up seeing your face in every guy I look at always wondering....
p.s. I love you
Thursday, April 3, 2014
Dear Seth,
Sometimes I get the urge to just let it all out and tell you how I feel, like truly tell you how I feel. Like without you saying anything back, and just let it sink in for a moment. But then self doubt sets in and nothing is accomplished. All that is there is pages and pages written that you might never get the pleasure of reading.
Tbh I hate feeling like this, I hate feeling so damned scared, like I am all the characters in The Wizard of Oz mixed into one messed up oddity; a side show freak that everyone laughs at and points to.
If I thought that you would just hear me out, just this once, I would go for it, no holds barred.
And all that I would ever want hear as a response would be: "Wow I can't believe that someone actually cares enough about me as a human being to say such beautiful things." I think that saying is all I have ever wanted to hear from you, no buts. Just that you know that someone really does love you for all that you are.
It would make me so freaking happy to be able to accomplish this.
So tonight before I lay my weary head, I will pray that someday I'll have the courage to do just what I say.
Goodnight and sweet dreams.
p.s I love you
p.s.s. You are "trucking" awesome.
Sometimes I get the urge to just let it all out and tell you how I feel, like truly tell you how I feel. Like without you saying anything back, and just let it sink in for a moment. But then self doubt sets in and nothing is accomplished. All that is there is pages and pages written that you might never get the pleasure of reading.
Tbh I hate feeling like this, I hate feeling so damned scared, like I am all the characters in The Wizard of Oz mixed into one messed up oddity; a side show freak that everyone laughs at and points to.
If I thought that you would just hear me out, just this once, I would go for it, no holds barred.
And all that I would ever want hear as a response would be: "Wow I can't believe that someone actually cares enough about me as a human being to say such beautiful things." I think that saying is all I have ever wanted to hear from you, no buts. Just that you know that someone really does love you for all that you are.
It would make me so freaking happy to be able to accomplish this.
So tonight before I lay my weary head, I will pray that someday I'll have the courage to do just what I say.
Goodnight and sweet dreams.
p.s I love you
p.s.s. You are "trucking" awesome.
Tuesday, April 1, 2014
Dear Seth,
I know it's been a long time since I have written to you here. Things have not been as good as I thought. And I am sorry for that. One day I may share what I have experienced. But I am not to that point, yet.
Never a day has gone by where I have not thought of you. Oh hell almost everything I do reminds me of you. I swear that I am not like that at all, promise.
Well tonight, going through old comments, I see a pattern with you. You talk to me more than anyone else. Granted our past, and yeah I so fucking dare you to deny it, we have one. has been at best tentative. To best sum it up, a balance between good and evil. And what I see is that you do care. And a lot of me is jumping up and down with joy. You make me smile. You make me so damn happy.
So I have started a Facebook page with some letters that I have written to you. I think that it will be my lasting legacy. When I have caught up I think I will share it with you here.
Anyways I hope that you are having a great night and sleep well. Goodnight and sweet dreams, seth.
p.s. I love you
I know it's been a long time since I have written to you here. Things have not been as good as I thought. And I am sorry for that. One day I may share what I have experienced. But I am not to that point, yet.
Never a day has gone by where I have not thought of you. Oh hell almost everything I do reminds me of you. I swear that I am not like that at all, promise.
Well tonight, going through old comments, I see a pattern with you. You talk to me more than anyone else. Granted our past, and yeah I so fucking dare you to deny it, we have one. has been at best tentative. To best sum it up, a balance between good and evil. And what I see is that you do care. And a lot of me is jumping up and down with joy. You make me smile. You make me so damn happy.
So I have started a Facebook page with some letters that I have written to you. I think that it will be my lasting legacy. When I have caught up I think I will share it with you here.
Anyways I hope that you are having a great night and sleep well. Goodnight and sweet dreams, seth.
p.s. I love you
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