Dear Seth,

Sometimes I get the urge to just let it all out and tell you how I feel, like truly tell you how I feel. Like without you saying anything back, and just let it sink in for a moment. But then self doubt sets in and nothing is accomplished. All that is there is pages and pages written that you might never get the pleasure of reading.

Tbh I hate feeling like this, I hate feeling so damned scared, like I am all the characters in The Wizard of Oz mixed into one messed up oddity; a side show freak that everyone laughs at and points to.

If I thought that you would just hear me out, just this once, I would go for it, no holds barred.

And all that I would ever want hear as a response would be: "Wow I can't believe that someone actually cares enough about me as a human being to say such beautiful things." I think that saying is all I have ever wanted to hear from you, no buts. Just that you know that someone really does love you for all that you are.

It would make me so freaking happy to be able to accomplish this.
So tonight before I lay my weary head, I will pray that someday I'll have the courage to do just what I say.


Goodnight and sweet dreams.

p.s I love you

p.s.s. You are "trucking" awesome.