Dear Seth,

Ok so I lied this will probably be the last letter that I send you. Here it is I'm going to tell you every little last goddamn detail.

I just fell in love with you. I'm so sorry. I didn't want to either because I knew that it would just end in heartbreak, like it is now.

You sort of know what's going down but not everything. No I'm not doing this for attention either. I haven't been feeling well for a while. I've gone to doctors off and on. Cancer this and cancer that. Tests all coming back negative. Now it seems that my heart is having issues. Every once in awhile it used to seem to skip a beat or felt like it totally stop. Now it happens daily. Last week I had the scare of my life. It seems that the veins in my hand are bursting open and I'm bruising. Very painful to experience.

All that I wanted in my life is to up to this point is to love. And love I did and do. You Seth Hayward. Fuck this shit. But now I don't know where life is going to take me. I'm so scared to go to sleep for fear that I won't wake up. Just once I would have liked to seen your face or heard your voice. Now all I do is cry and scream in frustration. I don't know what I've done to you for me to feel so badly.

It took me 5 fucking years to be brave enough to fall in love and tell you that I did. Now I feel like shit and honestly worthless. It has taken me a lot of tears to get through the death of Marc and to try and move on.

Falling for you has been one of the best and worst things to happen to me. But I do not regret it one bit. I will always love you. Please just understand if you read this that I always will. I will never be in another relationship. You were my last hope.

Please take care Seth. Maybe one day I will get to meet you, one could only hope.

p.s. I love you