I'm pretty badly affected by what you told me. It's so bad that I cry all the time even though I laugh and cry. Pretty much a shell. I don't sleep really at all. And when I do I fucking dream of you, some of the most vivid dreams I might add too. I always have circles under my eyes. I don't eat. Or when I do it's all just one meal.

This is turning into a total nightmare. Sometimes I really wish that I had never found letters to crushes. But then I would have met all the lovely people that I now consider part of my family. 

Somehow I am going to have to work this out. I'm going to try and be a brave little soldier and keep my head high.

But there is one thing that I would like to say to you are, no better yet write to you, Mr. Hayward you are a coward, and a coward that really has no heart. And for that I really feel so very sorry for you. Dude get it through your fucking head. I am JUST like you. Seriously. But you have your head soooo far up your ass that you can't see what's right in front of you.

Sadly I am, and always will be, in love with you.

p.s. I love you