Dear Seth,

Totally, um drunk, but hell I freaking really do love you. I just want you to know that I have something, sort of, up my sleeve, if you may. Um it's something like what I had hand written to you before. It's been floating in my head for a while now. And I think later today that I'm going to actually write it and stick it where you and only the people that read this know where.

I hope that you had a great NYE. I just wish, oh hell I wish a lot of things, but I just wish that I would have honestly seen you at midnight and been your New Years kiss.

Here's to 2014!

Well I'm now totally inebriated so I better stop this post before I can not longer type.

p.s. I love you

Dear Seth,

Happy New Year. And to everyone else that reads this.

p.s. I love you

Dear Seth,

Tonight at midnight I'll be at WaterFront Pier. I don't know if you'll be there but I can only wish. That's all.

p.s. I love you

Dear Seth,

I really didn't think that this post would make it to the front page but............ this is about you. Shit. And it was a sort of promise that I made to myself that I would tell someone about you. Now it looks like I do have to.


http://www.letterstocrushes.com/letter/417931


p.s. I love you

Dear Seth,

If I begged you would you come? Because I think that I'm in serious need of you now. It really hurts. Things are coming at me from all sides. My ex. Marc. And thoughts of you. Sometimes, as now, I feel so lost, but you you make those ideas a little easier to find and to deal with.

p.s.  I love you

Dear Seth,

Tonight is just so messed up. God I wish that I could say sometime meaningful to you. I'm just so damn tired. And the emotions are getting to me. I'm sorry. Forgive me.

p.s. I love you

p.p.s. I hope that you have a good night and sweet dreams.

Dear Seth,

Tonight while at Waterfront Pier I thought of you. I cried. And I'm pretty sure that makeup ran down my face, freezing to my cheeks. Some how I think that I messed up big time and now I'm left feeling like an idiot.

Anyways I hope that you had a great day, I know that I did before that at Tommy Condon's listening to an Irish type band that I haven't even got the name of yet ( yeah I'll have to google it later ). One day, on a Friday or Saturday, you'll have to go there and just listen to them.

Good night and sweet dreams. Always smile.

p.s. I love you

Blank Page - Christina Aguilera

And early this morning I get to fall asleep to the sound of the rain. Lord I swear I didn't know what I was getting myself into I didn't but my heart didn't and sometimes still doesn't care. And Seth if you ever read this I am truly so very sorry.

p.s. I love you

Christina Aguilera & Blake Shelton - Just a Fool

Dear Seth,

God that last post is really um hurting me bad. And I'm drunk out of my mind just to try and forget but it's not helping one bit. It's just making me remember more. It's like everything is being thrown back in my face. Dude this just really sucks for me tonight. Bad. I mean to the point that I'm crying in the middle of the street because people are bringing it up on ltc. And it's like why? Why rub salt into the wounds? Right?

Maybe the reason that I'm still keeping this blog going is because maybe one day it will all come around. I don't know but what ever.

Hell maybe they see what I won't admit again on there, that I'm still in love with you. You darn smart cookies you :P. Well it's true and I always will. If love were simple I would have given my heart to a lot of men by now. But it's not. It's the most complex feelings a person will ever feel in his or her lifetime. And now I truly know what love is all about. I really do.

Anyways I hope you had a great day. Sweet dreams, if you shall go to bed before I.

p.s. I love you

Tonight I'm sorry I can't write a proper letter to you. It's just too much.

p.s. I love you.

Dear Seth,

I think that I'll always have this endless cycle of being in love with you. And right now it sucks. But at the same time it's the most amazing thing in the world.

p.s. I love you

Dear Seth,

Damn it I do love you, I really do. Why in the hell else am I 2,700 miles away from my friends and family otherwise? And this is the 3rd time that I've done this too, by bus no less. I just hope that one day you'll come to realize and appreciate what a person goes through for you. That's my honest dam opinion right there.

Well I hope that you had a great day and have sweet dreams.

p.s. I love you

Dear Seth,

It's not that I don't have a lot to say to you, believe me I do. It's just that I think about you all the time and you know most of what I think.

I had a pretty great night. I went to watch The Guilt Trip at the Cinnebarre. I'm like ugh a Seth Rogan movie. Meh he's okay but not a favorite of mine. It turned out to be an actually great movie that I wouldn't mind seeing again. It made me laugh, cry and miss my mom even more. So that's all I've really done today.

Now I'm just up watching ltc and I'm making sure that no one posts or comments on idiotic things. I've rested pretty okay today so I'll be golden.

I hope that you had a great day and are taking care of yourself. Smile.

p.s. I love you

Why - Secondhand Serenade

The buttons on my phone are worn thin
I don't think that I knew the chaos I was getting in
But I've broken all my promises to you
I've broken all my promises to you

[Chorus]
Why do you do this to me?
Why do you do this so easily?
You make it hard to smile because
You make it hard to breathe
Why do you do this to me?

A phrasing that's a single tear,
It's harder than I ever feared
And you were left feeling so alone
Because these days aren't easy
Like they have been once before
These days aren't easy anymore

[Chorus]

I should've known this wasn't real
And fought it off and fought to feel
What matters most? Everything
That you feel while listening to every word that I sing
I promise you I will bring you home
I will bring you home

[Chorus x2]

To me, to me, to me...

Dear Seth,

Well it is quite possible that I'll be staying at least another week here in Mt. Pleasant. These damn storms are keeping me from going home.

Christmas sucked badly for me this year, more than last. As you know because of the storms I was stuck here, didn't mind it though. And after getting off the phone with my ex I started to have severe pain and was sick to my stomach. I didn't get to bed until sometime around 8 am. I woke up at 11 and stayed up for a couple of hours before falling back to sleep for a few more hours. Now it's about 4:40 am. It's starting to rain and there are severe thunderstorms expected later today.

I hope that your Christmas was a lot better than mine.

p.s. I love you

Dear Seth,

I'm taking tomorrow off from writing on the blog. Though I will think of you ever moment I am awake, trust me. I plan to go to the Isle of Palm beach as a present to myself and to relax awhile. I wish that you were there, would love to see you.

So I wish you and everyone reading this a Merry Christmas.

p.s. I love you

Dear Seth,

I have a rough idea of what I'm going to do today and I'm sticking to it too. First I'll go to Starbucks and get an iced coffee ( becoming addicted to them by the way ), then I'll get on CARTA and go to the city to try and find The Sword Gate House. I'll take a ton of pictures, of course, then I'll go down my alley and look at my pink house longingly. I'll make it down to Waterfront Pier and see the sunset ( maybe if it's not cloudy ). I'll find somewhere to get dinner, being that it's Christmas Eve and all. Then I'll make it down to the park on King and Calhoun where I'll walk around in childish wonder looking at all the lights. Then maybe by then it'll be time for mass at the pink church. I just didn't want to be alone today or on Christmas. So that is my plan tentatively.

I hope that you're having a great day, Seth. And don't forget to smile :D

p.s. I love you

Dear Seth,

Well today was another blah day. Didn't do anything productive at all, besides eat something :p. So tomorrow I'm going to go see a movie and then go downtown and take pictures of the Sword Gate House. And then off to midnight Mass. I just don't feel like being alone on this holiday, it sucks being away from my mom.

Anyways I hope you had a great day and have sweet dreams tonight.

p.s. I love you

Dear Seth,

Going back to the city today. I'm going to try and get pictures of the Sword Gate House. It has special memories for me and is so beautiful.

I hope that you're having a great day.

p.s. I love you

Dear Seth,

I'm just so tired tonight and it's only 10:14 pm. I did a lot of walking in Charleston and had a great time too. Here is what went on.

Today I've seen the most amazing things in my life. Never again will I have an experience like this.

After I had gotten off the bus a few blocks from where I was I decided to take a street that I had not yet. Walking down this street I come to a very old graveyard on church grounds.

The path leading to the graveyard was made for two walking side by side, I was by myself. Looking up the trees were dripping with moss. The place looked like right out of the movie Midnight In The Garden of Good and Evil.

The graveyard looked old and forgotten with weeds and flowers twining in and out of plots and some right in the middle, it wasn't. I was so stunned to find a place that looked so breath takingly beautiful in all my living years, a place that is usually a place of grief was a place of wonder for me. And if you must know no I am not morbid.

Reading and reflecting on the lives of each and every stone that I could, really unable to comprehend what they went through. Most passing away in the mid to late 1700's and a few war heros from the Civil War. Totally mind blowing.

I'm glad that I made the decision to go down a road that I had never been down.

I hope you have a great night. Sweet dreams.

p.s. I love you

Dear Seth,

I think that today I'm going to go out and roam Charleston. Yeah I know that I've said it before but I just really feel the need to today. I didn't do a damn thing yesterday so I'll do it doubly today :) .  Woohoo for CARTA. Thank goodness that they go into Charleston from Mt. Pleasant and doesn't cost an arm and a leg like a taxi. Heck I want to save some money so that I can go to the beach for Christmas. Can't wait.

Anyhoo that's what I'm going to do today. I hope your day goes just as well as mine. Would love to see you again though I know that won't probably happen until pigs fly. :P

Laters.

p.s. I love you

Dear Seth,

I had a pretty lazy day today. Didn't do much. Just slept and relaxed. Guess I needed it too. Slept like 2 hours. And I dreamed of you, naturally. Though sadly I only remember bits and pieces of it.

Well I hope you had a great day. Take care and sweet dreams.

p.s. I love you

Dear Seth,

Today it's been a year since I realized that I loved you. And here is to the next 50 or 60 years. I will with all of my heart.

p.s. I love you

Dear Seth,

What the hey is going on with the rain? It ruined my mood to go outside at 12 am. Love it though. Want to see some snow soon too. I'm going to hate leaving here but it's time. I'm already missing Christmas with my mom, and that's hard enough to deal with. I just pray that New Years isn't the same. :/

Well I hope that you had a great day and have sweet dreams tonight.

Laters.

p.s. I love you

Dear Seth,

No matter what happens tonight ( no I don't believe it will but still ) I just want you to know that I love you so much. There isn't a greater phrase of words to come up with to describe how I feel but that's as close as it will ever come to.

p.s. I love you

Dear Seth,

Just wanted to say that today I'm happy. It will be a year tomorrow ( ironic I know ) that I fell in love with you. That's all.

p.s. I love you

Dear Seth,

Someday soon I hope to see you again and to actually talk to you. I was such an idiot. My first memory of you will live with me forever. You are really a beautiful person, though sometimes you're an ass ;) .

Well I need to eat and get to sleep so I can move into another hotel because this one doesn't have a weekly rate. Can't believe that I'm stuck here ( not complaining ) because of winter storm Draco. I wanted to be home by Christmas and spend it with mom but now, no.

Good night and sweet dreams Seth. May tomorrow be a good day for you.

p.s. I love you

Dear Seth,

It looks like that I'll be spending Christmas here in Mt. Pleasant. Man I wish that it was with you since I can't be with my mom. It's going to be so damn lonely. But I'll manage somehow.

Hope you had a great day. The sun was shining and warm, though it was a bit windy. By the way that will be the best memory I'll have of you.... smiling. Thank you.

Good night and sweet dreams.

p.s. I love you

Dear Seth,

Now I know. Dear God how in the hell did I ever think that there would ever be an us? This is what happened.

Time stood still. The wind stopped blowing for those few seconds. Today I saw you leaning against the brick wall, probably texting a friend. You were smiling. God it took my breath away. 

You are honestly one of the most beautiful human beings I have ever seen. And now I know I will be average compared to you.

I will always remember that moment with the sun on your face and your smile. You will always haunt my dreams. 

Today you broke my heart.

p.s. I love you

Fear - One Republic

I need a miracle now...
Since you've gone, well it seems like everything is wrong,
Deep inside I know that I've lost much more than pride.
Happiness has been further away now,
I miss you more than words can say.

I need a miracle now...
So tell me how can I change the world,
Cause I sure can't change your mind.
Where's the miracle I need now.
Gotta get to you somehow,

No I can't change the world.
Losing you,well has been the hardest thing to do,
So I close my eyes and tell myself that somehow I'll survive.
You gave me heaven then you took it away boy,
I miss you more with each passing day.
I need a miracle now...

These letters are really getting to me tonight. I'm just going to go to Village Point Center and go to Starbucks for a chocolate latte. I need it.

p.s. I love you

Try - Pink

Dear Seth,

This really sucks. I don't want to leave. I'm thinking about staying one more day. I know it's going to always be the case, just one more day one more memory. Even though I'm in Mt. Pleasant now it's still the same, I love it here. I have my little niche and routine.

Tomorrow I think that I'll be spending the day saying goodbye to Charleston. My alley, my house, my pier, my park with the cool Christmas tree, my English and Irish Pub, my streets and all the other places that I have come to care about.

I hope that you're having a great day Seth. And don't forget to smile at least once.

p.s. I love you

World In Flames - In This Moment

And I can't forget this one as well.

11:11 - In This Moment

This is how I feel Seth.

Dear Seth,

I pray tonight that I dream of you. I need just a little bit of heaven in my life, and that small glimpse from my subconscious is what I really need.

Well I'm off for now. Hope that you had a great day and sleep well. Good night and sweet dreams.

p.s. I love you

I don't know what to say but I would like to let you know that I love you with all of my heart.

Dear Seth,

This is how much I love you.

I don't just love you at holidays.

I don't just love you on your birthday.

I don't just love you on odd or even days.

I don't just love you on 11/11/11 or 12/12/12

And I don't just love you when ever 11:11 comes around.

There are 365 days in a year, 52 weeks in a year, 7 days in a week, 168 hours in a week, 24 hours in a day, 60 minutes in an hour, 3,600 seconds in an hour.

Yeah that's when I love you.

p.s. I love you

Dear Seth,

Today I'm going to do some laundry and go to the Starbucks at Village Point. It's a nice set up there. And then off to the city, ending the night with me at the pier once again. Yeah a pretty boring day for me but that's okay too. You don't need to do everything all at once and be busy every day. Nice to take a breather once in a while too.

Anyways I hope that you're having a great day. I would love to see you before I leave. Please.

p.s. I love you

Dear Seth,

This morning I'm still in love with you more now than ever. Last night was meant for you and I. I'm sure you would have loved it.

p.s. I love you

God please be there. I'm leaving now.

Here is to tonight for feeling like a princess.

p.s. I love you Seth

Tonight I didn't want to be by myself. I wish that you would show up at Tommy Condons.

p.s. I love you

Dear Seth,

If you're wondering I was going to go down to Octobacci and then to Tommy Condons. Wish you were there.

p.s. I love you

Tonight it's taken all of my will power not to scream out in pain. And the only thing that's saving me from going to the hospital is thinking of you Seth while I take calm and measured breaths. Hell the only thing that they'll do is pump my i.v full of dilaudid, which is just a temporary ease of the pain I have, that or oxicodone.

Anyways I need to try and get some sort of sleep. Please don't stay up so late either. Good night and sweet dreams.

p.s. I love you

Dear Seth,

It's almost 3 am and I really need you.

p.s. I love you

This day belongs to the innocent lives that were lost in Ct. today. There will be no new posts today.

Dear Seth,

Well I'm getting ready to go to Starbucks. Lord here come the butterflies. I only have such a finite time here, which greatly saddens me. Just once I would like to see the face of the person that has come to mean so much to me, the person that I've traveled over 15,000 miles for just one damn glimpse and know what heaven looks like.

p.s. I love you

Dear Seth,

Maybe someone new has discovered my blog about you on ltc. That would be so cool.

And to them I would like to say thank you so much for reading this. It honestly means a lot to me. I hope that you don't think any less of such a great man. See he is my world and then some. These are my thoughts as they come out of my head.

Some letters have direction others are total just blah and needing to get it off my chest, a release if you could say.

Know that a very special man created an outlet for people to express their feelings, though mine at times have seem to have been muted.

I love this man with all of my heart. So much so that I don't care about my own soul. Seth seems to be my one purpose in life at the moment. And to him I say this: Tha gaol agam ort.

And Seth I think that I have been appropriate tonight. Please forgive me if I have not been. The dorkyness seems to come out in me when I've had a little bit too much to drink, but hey at least I'm honest.

p.s. I love you

Dear Seth,

Some how I think that you really do read this blog. Hell I have it still on ltc. If so I'll be at Patriots Point Starbucks. Hell I think that's what it's called. You're from here, you'll know what the fuck I mean. Anyways I'll be there, say at like 9:30 am. Please. I'm here and I think that you know it too. Now I'm begging. Really.

p.s. I love you

Dear Seth,

One day I'm going to slip and write your name on ltc again. And I don't know if I could handle the backlash that I got before. Still dealing with that.

But damn thank God that this place exists or I would really be in a world of hurt right now.

Anyways once again this fabu person is on her way to being drunk as a skunk. And probably going to embarrass myself on ltc once again. Well atm I don't give a fuck. I love you and that's that Seth. Deal with that shit. Hell I've you Mr. Hayward for a year. A fucking year!!!!

p.s. I love you

You tell all the boys no
Makes you feel good yeah
I know you're out of my league
But that won't scare me away oh no
You've carried on so long
You couldn't stop if you tried it
You've built your wall so high
That no one could climb it
But I'm gonna try

Would you let me see beneath your beautiful
Would you let me see beneath your perfect
Take it off now girl, take it off now girl
I wanna see inside

Would you let me see beneath your beautiful tonight
You let all the girls go
Makes you feel good, don't it?
Behind your Broadway show
I heard a boy say please don't hurt me
You've carried on so long
You couldn't stop if you tried it
You've built your wall so high
That no one could climb it
But I'm gonna try

Would you let me see beneath your beautiful
Would you let me see beneath your perfect
Take it off now boy, take it off now boy
I wanna see inside
Would you let me see beneath your beautiful tonight?
Ohhh, Tonight
See beneath, See beneath,
I...Tonight
I...

I'm gonna climb on top your ivory tower
I'll hold your hand and then we'll jump right out
We'll be falling, falling
But that's okay
Cause I'll be right here
I just wanna know

Would you let me see beneath your beautiful
Would you let me see beneath your perfect
Take it off now girl, take it off now girl
Cause I wanna see inside

Would you let me see beneath your beautiful tonight?
Tonight, see beneath your beautiful
Oh tonight, we ain't perfect, we ain't perfect
Would you let me see beneath your beautiful tonight?

Dear Seth,

Hell it's too damn cold. I'm going to go and see that damn Twilight movie at the Cinebarre today at 4 pm. Tomorrow the beach.

Laters.

p.s. I love you

Dear Seth,

About to go to Sullivan's Island. Can't wait. So very excited. I wish that you were there waiting but I know that's just another dream :/

Anyways I hope you have a great day and that it doesn't rain too much.

Laters.

p.s. I love you

Dear Seth,

I pray to God that I didn't totally embarrass you last night with all of those posts. I'm sorry if I did. Really I am. But at least you know now.

Ugh I need some coffee right now. Head is killing me. But I don't want to get dressed and go outside. Brrr. Plus I don't know why but woke up out of a sound sleep at 5 am. Hecka sleepy. Blah that's what I'll probably do, go back to sleep and then make a quick run to the Starbucks for some joe. Then off to Sullivan's Island beach. Can't wait :)

Laters.

p.s. I love you

Dear Seth,

I want you to know that I fucking lied. I damn well lied to a very sweet little lady. Starting to hate myself now. Fuck. Damn me for being in love with you Hayward. But I am.

Anyways I need to get some sleep if I'm going to go to Sullivan's Island beach tomorrow.

God when you read all of my letters that I sent sheesh I wonder what you'll think.

Good night and sweet dreams. Don't stay up too late please. And don't forget to smile either.

p.s. I love you

Dear Seth,

Yeah so I'm going out with another guy on Saturday. But know this it's you that I always thought of when I looked at him. Granted he's a very sweet guy but you are the one that I'll always love. ALWAYS. He's like the connection that I have to you.

p.s. I love you

Dear Seth,

I think that I'm the most honest when I've had something to drink. All that I can say is you freaking bastard for making it come out of me, for what I've hidden. And to post it on ltc. Fuck. Well hell this is what I wrote. But fuck you know. Why hide it, right?

If you only really knew maybe you'd think differently of me. God you probably think that I'm just like the rest of them. I'm not. Whatever you decide remememer that I really do love you. Always have and will.

p.s. I love you

Dear Seth,

This is the only place that I can really let myself go. God freaking damn it. What I said on that facebook post is I really don't know. He's a sweet guy but......... you're the only one that will EVER have my heart. I just had to say something to direct their attention somewhere else. But I know that you know. God how could you not?

Damn it Hayward. This just fucking sucks right now. I'm closer than I'll ever be but shit I just don't know. Hell I don't think that I'm making much sense because I've had waaaay too much to drink. Hell that's all there is to do right now. It's raining. I'm in Mt. Pleasant. It's fucking a wooded area. I'm not about to get coyotes after me. Dude know I know why you are how you are a little bit. Damn. Anyways. I'll try to stop those idiotic posts, for now ;)

p.s. I love you

Dear Seth,

If I told you that I really needed you tonight would you come and rescue me? Even as a friend or person that you may care about, even just a little?

p.s I love you

Our Song - The xx

Beneath Your Beautiful - Labrinth feat. Emeli Sande

I guess you could say this is my favorite song of the moment.

Dear Seth,

Last night I don't remember what I dreamed of but I know that I didn't have nightmares. I guess being over in Mt. Pleasant is good for me.

But damn it for being a dreary day. I think that I'm just going to go into Charleston today on the bus. Oh that should be really fun. WildFlour Bakery here I come! Oh I miss that place so much. My little piece of heaven. Though I am starting to love this side of the bridge as well.

Have you ever gone to Patriots Point to the fishing pier and looked out to the right? It's so freaking beautiful with the grass growing out of the water. And then in the background those houses. Wow. If you look straight  up you see the bridge. So cool. Almost like the Oakland Bay Bridge in a way. I would love to see a cargo ship go underneath it. Now that would be a sight to see.

Anyways I need to take a shower and then maybe go to the Huddle House for biscuits and gravy. Such a corny place but hey it's next to my hotel so why not, eh?

I hope that you have a great day Seth. Laters.

p.s. I love you

Good night and sweet dreams Seth. Hopefully tomorrow Sullivan's Island beach! Finally I'll get to feel the warm waters of the Atlantic Ocean rush through my fingers.

p.s. I love you

The Parting Glass - Ed Sheeran

Nothing - The Script

Dear Seth,

Well I'm about to walk to the pier on this side of the bridge and see everything that it has to offer. Tomorrow for sure the beach :)

p.s. I love you

Dear Seth,

This is the one letter that I hope that you'd read most of all. It pretty much sums up everything that I feel for you.

I know now more than ever that I love you, no matter how much you bruise my heart. Over the past year I have tried to forget you, find someone new and even hate the person I've come to find out you really are. I can't. So this is as far as this will go. Just a few nameless letters here on ltc.

But know this; I will always be alone because of you. I will never have another love. Ask me on my death bed and these feelings I have will be stronger than when I click send.

I hate having to go into a nice restaurant saying table for one, I cringe. I hate walking down the street seeing couples holding hands. I hate when I close my eyes knowing that you'll be there waiting. That is all I'll have, dreams.

Please understand that I did not ask for this because this is the purest form of hell that a person can live through, not being with the one they love.

p.s. I love you

Dear Seth,

I'm now over here across the bridge. Not going to panic, not going to have a spazzy moment just because we might see each other. I am here for me not you, this time.

I didn't get a chance to go to Sullivan's Island because I spent all day procrastinating doing laundry. Today I'm going. I don't care if rain is falling I'm going. It's the promise that I made to someone that's very special in my life and always will be.

Now I just need to orient myself with your town so I don't get " lost ". I already love it here. Then taking a shower and going to the beach and see the Atlantic for the first time and feel her sand beneath in between my toes and touch her waters.

I hope that you have a great day.

p.s. I love you

Dear Seth,

I just don't know what to do anymore. Can't believe that I just admitted to someone on chat that I still love you. But it hurts so bad how things went down. Bad. Never have I felt at a loss for words. I'm scared to email you when it has to do with ltc because I don't know what you'll end up saying. My heart didn't need this after the loss of Marc. But yet here I am pinning away after you Mr. Hayward. Fuck fuck fuck. 

Anyways I'm going to do laundry and then go to the beach to be at peace. Would be nice to see you there too. No I know that's just fucking wishful thinking but still.....

p.s. I love you

Dear Seth,

I've sadly got Ed Sheeran's Give Me Love on repeat. I don't know why I lead a life like this to where everything reminds me of you. This sucks.

So anyways I'll be over in your neck of the woods again. Sullivan's Island beach is my destination. I feel the need to see the Atlantic, she's pulling me to her waters. Can't wait.

p.s. I love you

Dear Seth,

I'm going down to the pier. I just can't sleep without seeing that beautiful bridge and the water sloshing around. I guess you could say that place is my nirvana.

p.s. I love you

Haunted - Taylor Swift

Dear Seth,

I was so freaked that I would actually see you that I think I ended up having a mini panic attack, making it hard for me to breathe. So I just took it slow and tried not to freak when I went over there to watch the parade ( which was pretty cool I would have to say ).

The funniest thing was that Santa didn't get any applause. During the first part of the parade there were horses that had lights on them ( rad ) and behind them was a guy that was the pooper scooper upper. Well almost right in front of the crowd near the BP gas station the horses decided to poop and there he was scooping it up. I have never heard so many people clap and cheer for this guy. It had me cracking up. Way funny I tell you.

Anyways though the parade was pretty cool in it's own right, it was the fireworks that held my attention the most. And this is what I experienced.

Tonight was so beautiful. Yes I went to the parade but it was the fireworks that were just breath taking. Never have I been so close that I could feel the reverberations while looking up like a 2 year old oohing and awwing.

And while I was watching I made my own little montage; listening to Taylor Swift's Enchanted. I swear that there was even a firework the burst into a heart. While all this was happening light showers gently fell which sort of reminded me of Hawaii when a quick spritz of rain usually happens in the afternoon there.

It was a perfect night I would have to say.

Tomorrow the beach. Going to be another great day.

Good night and sweet dreams.

p.s. I love you

Dear Seth,

I'm about to go over and watch the light parade. Can't wait. It's said to be really beautiful. That is all.

p.s. I love you

Dear Seth,

I'm going to be doing the 2nd Sunday on King St. Maybe I'll see you there. One could only wish.

p.s. I love you

Dear Seth,

Good night and sweet dreams. May your day be beautiful and bright. It's actually supposed to be really nice later in the day. It's so weird that it's in the 70's here and in Idaho it's snowing. Well that's what I get for coming here. Love it.

p.s. I love you

Dear Seth,

I'm going to the pier. I can't sleep again because of you. Damn.

p.s. I love you

Dear God the idiot in me is begging to come out. Fuck. I'm sorta buzzed and listening to Kryterium and oh this is going to be one hell of an interesting night.

p.s. I love you

I always stare at this bridge when I go down to the pier at night. It's so beautiful, even in the fog.

I'm just going to go to the pier now too and take pictures. If you're there you're there if not your loss. But I'm hoping it's the first. :)

p.s. I love you

Dear Seth,

Please meet me at the Waterfront Pier at 9:30 tonight. I'll be waiting.

p.s. I love you

Damn it Hayward I love you. How in the fuck am I going to get you out of my blood?

Give Me Love - Ed Sheeran

This is what I think happened to me.

Nothing Here To Hold You

Learning to breathe 
As walls close in around you 
Learning to see 
The things that surround you 
Once you believed 
In every word he sold you 
There’s nothing here to hold you 

Learning to fly 
While things fall down around you 
You’re wasting your time 
With the people that surround you 
Don’t ask me why, 
But once you’re on your own 
You will soon realize – 
It’s true what I told you 

Real love is all 
It takes to walk away from comfort 
Real pain to know; 
Nothing scares you now 
Real life will show the naked truth 
In what I told you: 
There’s nothing here to hold you 

Learning to hide 
From memories you’ve built a life on 
They’ll wonder why 
The sudden change of mind? 
But just passing time 
No longer is an option 
you must re-organize, 
and feed the fire in your belly 


Real love is all 
It took to bring you back from sleep 
Real pain to know 
You are still alive 
Real life has shown 
The truth in everything I told you 
There’s nothing here to hold you 

You have come to despite 
Everyone who adores you 
So you wave your goodbyes 
To everything that bores you 
There’s a whole world outside 
And you know you shouldn’t buy it 
But you just have to try it 
Cuz there’s nothing here to hold you 

Real love was all 
It took to raise you from the dead 
Real pain to know 
You’re still inside your head 
Real life is all 
To see the truth in what I told you 
There’s nothing here to hold you 

Learning to fly 
A pair of broken wings 
But still you’re willing to try 
Cuz there’s nothing here to hold you

Ho Hey - Tyler Ward cover

And then I listen to Tyler and can't help but smile. Love you boy.

ortoPilot - Someone Like You ( cover )

This is my mood today. I don't know why but it sucks. I hate of thinking of leaving Charleston. She has my heart and soul. God I just don't know.

Dear Seth,

God it kills me that I can look out across the bay to where you are and know that just a few miles away you're there, somewhere. I think that's why I partially why I go to Waterfront Park every night. If there ever was a chance it would be tonight to meet.

Please come to the pier at around 9pm.

p.s. I love you

Dear Seth,

Of course you didn't show. I've come to expect that. Look I wish that you would just trust me. I'm scared as hell too. But I came over roughly 14,000 miles so far for just one moment of your time. I've had the most amazing journey of my life but I would trade it all for just a second in your presence.  Please give me that chance. Weird as I am I feel it in my bones. Please.

p.s. I love you

Dear Seth,

If you grace yourself tonight at 10pm at the pier I warn you that I will most likely be drunk. Just saying.
Anyways I need to get ready to go and eat soon.

p.s I love you

Dear Seth,

Tonight I'll be down at Waterfront Park pier around 10 pm watching the stars. I wish that you would show up this time. Please. Sick or not I'll be there.

p.s. I love you

You didn't show. So last night what I did is go to Griffon, got drunk and went to the pier and cried my heart out.

Dear Seth,

I tried to wait as long as I could today. Please I'll wait for you tonight under the stars, for as long as it takes. God please show up. Say at 9 pm, since I know you never really sleep, like me. Meet me at the pier's wooden blocks. Thank you.

p.s. I love you

Ok I'm going to go and try and find retail therapy right now. Please just show up at the Waterfront Park at 3 pm ish.

p.s. I love you

Let me give you a word of advice. Please I'm begging you don't ever fall in love with a faceless name. Like me you'll end up searching for him every where you go, having idolized him and what he looks like in your head. Their name seems to pop up every place you go. You'll dream about him constantly.  You'll smile at complete strangers thinking that maybe this person could be him. And in the end you'll be miserable, like me.

Come Wake Me Up - Rascal Flatts

I can usually drink you right off of my mind
But I miss you tonight
I can normally push you right out of my heart
But I'm too tired to fight

Yeah the whole thing begins
And I let you sink into my veins
And I feel the pain like it's new
Everything that we were,
Everything that you said,
Everything that I did and that I couldn't do
Plays through tonight

Tonight your memory burns like a fire
With every word it grows higher and higher
I can't get over it, I just can't put out this love
I just sit in these flames and pray that you'll come back
Close my eyes tightly, hold on and hope that I'm dreaming
Come wake me up

Turn the TV up loud just to drown out your voice
But I can't forget
Now I'm all out of ideas
And baby I'm down to my last cigarette

Yeah you're probably asleep deep inside of your dreams
While I'm sitting here crying and trying to sleep
Yeah wherever you are baby now I am sure you've moved on
And aren't thinking twice about me and you tonight

Tonight your memory burns like a fire
With everyone it grows higher and higher
I can't get over it, I just can't put out this love
I just sit in these flames and pray that you'll come back
Close my eyes tightly, hold on and hope that I'm dreaming

I know that you're movin' on
I know I should give you up
But I keep hopin' that you'll trip and fall back in love

Time's not healin' anything
Baby this pain is worse than it ever was
I know that you can't hear me but baby I need you to save me tonight

Tonight your memory burns like a fire
With everyone it grows higher and higher
I can't get over it, I just can't put out this love
I just sit in these flames and pray that you'll come back
Close my eyes tightly, hold on and hope that I'm dreaming
Come wake me up
Oh I'm dreaming
Come wake me up
Oh, I'm dreaming

Dear Seth,

Today I am nervous and happy at the same time. I dreamed about your site last night that someone spammed the hell out of it. I woke up and checked that no one had. Whew. Almost a nightmare right there.

At the moment I'm sitting across from my dream park at the Starbucks sipping on an iced coffee because it's too damn hot here still. But I love it just the same. Just feels weird being December and it in the 70's here in South Carolina. Yeah I guess you can tell I'm from Idaho.

Well just a few more hours until I hope I get to see you. If not it's okay. I've been disappointed before, it's not like it's going to be the last time either. But I will always hope and pray that you'll show up at Waterfront Park today. And that's what I wished for at 1 am when I was looking up at the sky and saw a shooting star.

Blah. Okay I'll write to you later. Need to go and do some retail therapy in a while. Take care Seth.

p.s. I love you

Dear Seth,

I hope that you show up at the Waterfront Park tomorrow at like 3 pm. I really would like to explain myself. Please. I've come almost 15,000 miles for one moment of your time.

p.s. I love you

Dear Seth,

I'm sorry for the delay in posting on the blog. I've been having issues with my internet at the hotel. So I'm here across the street from Marion Park on King street at the Starbucks. God it's so fucking beautiful here. Seriously beautiful.

That's all I have for now. I'll write more later.

p.s. I love you

Dear Seth,

So the next time that I post a blog I will be in Charleston. I'm so excited and can't wait to see the city that I fell in love with again.

p.s. I love you