Tonight I think that I will sleep with the dream box that has your name etched in it, underneath my pillow. Maybe I will get some rest finally. I can't believe that I'm about to go to bed and it's only 1 am! Yesterday it was 6 am before falling dead asleep.
G'night and sweet dreams Seth.
p.s. I love you
Friday, November 30, 2012
Dear Seth,
Tonight I went to 12th and Porter to listen to my favorite band, Crown Point, play. I realized that I loved them all equally. They are like the brothers ( cute brothers ) that I never had. But I always looked for your face in the thin crowd. Always hoping that you might be there by the grace of God.
I just hope and pray that you show up on the 5th to let me explain myself Seth.
Ugh. I'll try and write more later.
p.s. I love you
Tonight I went to 12th and Porter to listen to my favorite band, Crown Point, play. I realized that I loved them all equally. They are like the brothers ( cute brothers ) that I never had. But I always looked for your face in the thin crowd. Always hoping that you might be there by the grace of God.
I just hope and pray that you show up on the 5th to let me explain myself Seth.
Ugh. I'll try and write more later.
p.s. I love you
Someone Like You ( cover ) - Tyler Ward
Ok I'm in a musical post on this early morning. Sorry can't help it.
Thursday, November 29, 2012
Okay call me really weird but I know you're up right now Seth. No I'm not stalking you. I've tried to go to bed but I just can't sleep at all. My legs are killing me and are so damn swollen it's not funny anymore. But I fucking can't sleep. God this is torture. For the past like 3 nights I haven't been able to go to be until like 4 or 5 in the morning. And my stupid subconscious brain dreamed about you last night. When is this ever going to end?
Deep Inside Of You - Third Eye Blind
When we met light was shed
Thoughts free flow you said you've got something
Deep inside of you
A wind chime voice sound, sway of your hips round rings true
Echo's deep inside of you
These secret garden beams changed my life so it seems
Fall breeze blows outside, i don't bring stride
My thoughts are warm, and they go deep inside of you
Oh yeah
And I never felt alone
Alright, alone...alone
Till I met you
Friends say I've changed
I don't listen cause I live to be
Deep inside of you
Slide of her dress, shouts in darkness
I'm so alive I'm
Deep inside of you
You said boy make girl feel good
But still...deep inside...STILL!
I've never felt alone
Till I met you
I'm alright on my own
Till I met you
And I'd know what to do if I just knew what's coming
I would change myself if I could
I'd walk with my own people if I could find them,
And I would say that I'm sorry to you,
I'm sorry to you, but I don't want to call you,
But then I want to call you cause I don't want to crush you,
But I feel like crushing you and it's true
I took for granted you were with me,
I breath by your looks and you look right through me
But we were broken and didn't know it
But we were broken and didn't know it
But we were broken and didn't know it
But we were broken and didn't know it
Right...oh, what's right?
Something's gone you withdraw and I'm not strong like before I was
Deep inside of you
I can go nowhere I burn candles and stare at a ghost
Deep inside of you
And some great need in me, starts to bled
I've lost my self there's nothing left, it's all gone
Deep inside of you
Deep inside of you
Thoughts free flow you said you've got something
Deep inside of you
A wind chime voice sound, sway of your hips round rings true
Echo's deep inside of you
These secret garden beams changed my life so it seems
Fall breeze blows outside, i don't bring stride
My thoughts are warm, and they go deep inside of you
Oh yeah
And I never felt alone
Alright, alone...alone
Till I met you
Friends say I've changed
I don't listen cause I live to be
Deep inside of you
Slide of her dress, shouts in darkness
I'm so alive I'm
Deep inside of you
You said boy make girl feel good
But still...deep inside...STILL!
I've never felt alone
Till I met you
I'm alright on my own
Till I met you
And I'd know what to do if I just knew what's coming
I would change myself if I could
I'd walk with my own people if I could find them,
And I would say that I'm sorry to you,
I'm sorry to you, but I don't want to call you,
But then I want to call you cause I don't want to crush you,
But I feel like crushing you and it's true
I took for granted you were with me,
I breath by your looks and you look right through me
But we were broken and didn't know it
But we were broken and didn't know it
But we were broken and didn't know it
But we were broken and didn't know it
Right...oh, what's right?
Something's gone you withdraw and I'm not strong like before I was
Deep inside of you
I can go nowhere I burn candles and stare at a ghost
Deep inside of you
And some great need in me, starts to bled
I've lost my self there's nothing left, it's all gone
Deep inside of you
Deep inside of you
Wednesday, November 28, 2012
Dear Seth,
Please show up on the 5th. Being like this inside is fucking slowly killing me. I have traveled so many damn miles. Granted the first time I came to Charleston was because of something else. By bus I have ridden over 10,000 miles this summer just for one chance. Please grant me this. I'm begging.
Good night and sweet dreams.
p.s. I love you
Please show up on the 5th. Being like this inside is fucking slowly killing me. I have traveled so many damn miles. Granted the first time I came to Charleston was because of something else. By bus I have ridden over 10,000 miles this summer just for one chance. Please grant me this. I'm begging.
Good night and sweet dreams.
p.s. I love you
Dear Seth,
This is how it will always be like for me too.
* note I didn't write this but I would love to share it with everyone *
I was the first to enter the classroom that day, and my teacher say at her desk, her hands covering her mouth. Her eyes were wide and she had a stunned expression on her face.
"What's wrong?" I had asked. My words seemed to shake her from he reverie and she glanced over at me. She looked like she didn't want to tell me, yet she knew that she had to tell someone.
"Come here," she gestured for me to come around her desk and look at her screen. It was opened to an email and she motioned for me to read it.
The email said: Janet, is this right Janet I'm looking for? I sure hope it is. It's Bill. I've been meaning to contact you for ages and I hope this is the right address.
Beneath the email was her response:
If this is the Bill I'm thinking of, explain the importance of a topaz.
It seemed as though she had just received his reply:
A topaz was the centerpiece of the engagement ring I gave you twenty years ago. I proposed to you at the fancy hotel in Portland when we were twenty five. You were never a traditional girl and I knew that a diamond would not satisfy you. So a topaz it was.
Janet, they say you never forget your first love. And darling, a day hasn't gone by since you gave me that ring back that I haven't though about you. I've recently had a divorce and would love to reconcile with you. Please, please, meet me soon.
I turned to face my teacher and saw that her eyes were brimming with tears. It was then that I noticed that we called her "Miss" and not "Mrs", she was a woman who lived in a house full of dogs and just graded papers on the weekend.
"Miss -----, what are you going to say?"
"Say what?" Asked a fellow student, and we realize that more had arrived.
"I'm not going to say anything. He was my first love, but that's all he'll ever be." She stood up to greet students at the door and wiped away a stray tear. I watched as she composed her face to be friendly, and not tormented like it was seconds before.
I wonder if she ever did write back, and I hope whatever decision she made was the right one for her.
p.s. I love you and always will
This is how it will always be like for me too.
* note I didn't write this but I would love to share it with everyone *
I was the first to enter the classroom that day, and my teacher say at her desk, her hands covering her mouth. Her eyes were wide and she had a stunned expression on her face.
"What's wrong?" I had asked. My words seemed to shake her from he reverie and she glanced over at me. She looked like she didn't want to tell me, yet she knew that she had to tell someone.
"Come here," she gestured for me to come around her desk and look at her screen. It was opened to an email and she motioned for me to read it.
The email said: Janet, is this right Janet I'm looking for? I sure hope it is. It's Bill. I've been meaning to contact you for ages and I hope this is the right address.
Beneath the email was her response:
If this is the Bill I'm thinking of, explain the importance of a topaz.
It seemed as though she had just received his reply:
A topaz was the centerpiece of the engagement ring I gave you twenty years ago. I proposed to you at the fancy hotel in Portland when we were twenty five. You were never a traditional girl and I knew that a diamond would not satisfy you. So a topaz it was.
Janet, they say you never forget your first love. And darling, a day hasn't gone by since you gave me that ring back that I haven't though about you. I've recently had a divorce and would love to reconcile with you. Please, please, meet me soon.
I turned to face my teacher and saw that her eyes were brimming with tears. It was then that I noticed that we called her "Miss" and not "Mrs", she was a woman who lived in a house full of dogs and just graded papers on the weekend.
"Miss -----, what are you going to say?"
"Say what?" Asked a fellow student, and we realize that more had arrived.
"I'm not going to say anything. He was my first love, but that's all he'll ever be." She stood up to greet students at the door and wiped away a stray tear. I watched as she composed her face to be friendly, and not tormented like it was seconds before.
I wonder if she ever did write back, and I hope whatever decision she made was the right one for her.
p.s. I love you and always will
Tuesday, November 27, 2012
Look I don't know what in the hell I've ever done to you to make you do shit like this. I see people posting things for youtube all the time and you don't delete them. Why in the fuck are you picking on me all of a sudden? I don't get it. Well at least I can still post it here.
http://www.forestmood.com
http://www.forestmood.com
Monday, November 26, 2012
Dear Seth,
And this is what's sad everywhere I looked I saw a little bit of you in every face here in Nashville.
And this is what's sad everywhere I looked I saw a little bit of you in every face here in Nashville.
I have walked all over this city. For about 2 hours I did nothing but walk and look at buildings and the lights of the city. Nothing has changed much.
It makes me happy looking at the simplest things. And I smile at the honkey tonk music blaring from the bars, neon lights flashing inviting me into their environment. The smells coming from rib joints assaulting my senses, knowing that I would partake in their wares.
A splat here and there from the clouds warning me that more was on the way. I loved it all and could have danced in the rain not caring who saw.
Now the rain is coming down more steadily hitting the concrete while I'm in my toasty hotel room listening to one of my favorite singers.
Today has been a really good day. Tomorrow a new adventure. I can't wait.
p.s. I still love you
Saturday, November 24, 2012
Thursday, November 22, 2012
Dear Seth,
It's been two days. I think that I might have just lost that loving feeling. I miss you but what you did was the last straw for me. What I feel is nothing, utterly nothing for you. And when I go out now, without being preoccupied with thoughts of you, I'm being noticed. It's a very strange feeling. I don't know if I like it but there is a change in the air.
The only thing that I ever regret is not meeting you. Maybe it would have lessened the feelings that I have for you, I don't know. If you ever read this blog Seth please just once meet with me. I promise I'm not a bad person. I would really just like to talk to you face to face and clear my conscience once and for all. Emailing and chatting takes away some of that gusto.
Seth I will be at the Water Front Park in Charleston all day, probably reading a book that my friend wrote and laughing my ass off as well and also most likely on the swings. Hmmmm say Tuesday December 5, most likely around say 2 pm. I will be there waiting for you. Please I think that I have a right to explain myself to you face to face.
p.s. I love you
It's been two days. I think that I might have just lost that loving feeling. I miss you but what you did was the last straw for me. What I feel is nothing, utterly nothing for you. And when I go out now, without being preoccupied with thoughts of you, I'm being noticed. It's a very strange feeling. I don't know if I like it but there is a change in the air.
The only thing that I ever regret is not meeting you. Maybe it would have lessened the feelings that I have for you, I don't know. If you ever read this blog Seth please just once meet with me. I promise I'm not a bad person. I would really just like to talk to you face to face and clear my conscience once and for all. Emailing and chatting takes away some of that gusto.
Seth I will be at the Water Front Park in Charleston all day, probably reading a book that my friend wrote and laughing my ass off as well and also most likely on the swings. Hmmmm say Tuesday December 5, most likely around say 2 pm. I will be there waiting for you. Please I think that I have a right to explain myself to you face to face.
p.s. I love you
Wednesday, November 21, 2012
Dear Seth,
( sorry give me a minute........... ahh that's better. Took a shot of Jack just to get through what I have to say to you )
I think that you are honestly one of the biggest assholes I know. Hey I'm being honest here. What you did yesterday felt like a slap on the face. That's the day that I loved you and let you go. You could have just fucking explained that too me instead of taking that post off so rudely.
Anyways I love you but I hate you at the same time, go figure. Whatever.
I may or may not write you later seeing that I'm slightly buzzed from the two shots that I've taken so far.
p.s. I love you
( sorry give me a minute........... ahh that's better. Took a shot of Jack just to get through what I have to say to you )
I think that you are honestly one of the biggest assholes I know. Hey I'm being honest here. What you did yesterday felt like a slap on the face. That's the day that I loved you and let you go. You could have just fucking explained that too me instead of taking that post off so rudely.
Anyways I love you but I hate you at the same time, go figure. Whatever.
I may or may not write you later seeing that I'm slightly buzzed from the two shots that I've taken so far.
p.s. I love you
Dear Seth,
God I think that I finally get you. It's amazing how I've turned a 180, going from loving you to hating you with a passion.
I know why you created your website. You feed off of other peoples emotions and you get a kick out of it too. Why dude? It's not a game with these kids here. They go through some serious crap and are brave enough to post it online.
Look I don't read it for my enjoyment, unlike you, I read their letters to see if they need help. And if a few chuckles come out of it in the process so be it. I think that you seriously need help Seth.
God I think that I finally get you. It's amazing how I've turned a 180, going from loving you to hating you with a passion.
I know why you created your website. You feed off of other peoples emotions and you get a kick out of it too. Why dude? It's not a game with these kids here. They go through some serious crap and are brave enough to post it online.
Look I don't read it for my enjoyment, unlike you, I read their letters to see if they need help. And if a few chuckles come out of it in the process so be it. I think that you seriously need help Seth.
Tuesday, November 20, 2012
Dear Seth,
It's fucking almost 3:30 am and I can't sleep because of you. Just thought you'd like to know that. I'll try a hot shower and some milk to see if that helps but..........
Anyways I hope that you're having a good day so far. I see that you're up already. I don't know how the hell you do it but you are amazing like that. Ugh.
p.s. I love you
It's fucking almost 3:30 am and I can't sleep because of you. Just thought you'd like to know that. I'll try a hot shower and some milk to see if that helps but..........
Anyways I hope that you're having a good day so far. I see that you're up already. I don't know how the hell you do it but you are amazing like that. Ugh.
p.s. I love you
Monday, November 19, 2012
Dear Seth,
I'm sorry that I haven't written you lately it's just that I've been really tired from traveling. I've made it to Denver, yay :) . I'll be spending until Sunday here and then I'm off to Nashville for just a few days and then to my final destination, Charleston. I cannot wait either.
I think that tomorrow I'll go to Blackhawk and enjoy the bus ride there. It's so freaking beautiful up in the mountains, even more beautiful than Idaho. Yeah I went there. If I could have any other place to live besides South Carolina it would be Colorado.
Anyways I'll post another letter tomorrow of my exploits. I hope all is well with you. Take care.
p.s. I love you
p.s.s. This is the song that's been on my mind whenever I think of you.
I'm sorry that I haven't written you lately it's just that I've been really tired from traveling. I've made it to Denver, yay :) . I'll be spending until Sunday here and then I'm off to Nashville for just a few days and then to my final destination, Charleston. I cannot wait either.
I think that tomorrow I'll go to Blackhawk and enjoy the bus ride there. It's so freaking beautiful up in the mountains, even more beautiful than Idaho. Yeah I went there. If I could have any other place to live besides South Carolina it would be Colorado.
Anyways I'll post another letter tomorrow of my exploits. I hope all is well with you. Take care.
p.s. I love you
p.s.s. This is the song that's been on my mind whenever I think of you.
Friday, November 16, 2012
Dear Seth,
I'm sorry it's been a while since I've been able to get on and write a letter to you. It seems that my fucking computer crapped out so I ended up having to get a new one. Grrr. Anyways I am leaving tonight. I can't wait. So very excited.
Once again I dream of you every damn night. It's like something of a balm to my aching soul. I'm happy yet sad. I don't know how in the hell I'm going to leave Charleston at all this time. But I will be back that I know. So in a few days time I will be back in Chas, where I'm supposed to live.
There is so much that I want to say but time is running short so I'll just end it here, so that I can pack for my trip.
I hope that you're having a great day and have an exceptional night. I miss chatting with you so much. I wish you knew that.
p.s. I love you
I'm sorry it's been a while since I've been able to get on and write a letter to you. It seems that my fucking computer crapped out so I ended up having to get a new one. Grrr. Anyways I am leaving tonight. I can't wait. So very excited.
Once again I dream of you every damn night. It's like something of a balm to my aching soul. I'm happy yet sad. I don't know how in the hell I'm going to leave Charleston at all this time. But I will be back that I know. So in a few days time I will be back in Chas, where I'm supposed to live.
There is so much that I want to say but time is running short so I'll just end it here, so that I can pack for my trip.
I hope that you're having a great day and have an exceptional night. I miss chatting with you so much. I wish you knew that.
p.s. I love you
Tuesday, November 13, 2012
Dear Seth,
Well I'll be offline for a few days, until I reach St. Louis on Friday, where I'll have internet access. It's going to be so hard in not writing to you but somehow I will manage.
Until then, I hope you have a great few days. And always remember to smile even if you're sad, it makes me feel a little better at least :).
p.s. I love you
Well I'll be offline for a few days, until I reach St. Louis on Friday, where I'll have internet access. It's going to be so hard in not writing to you but somehow I will manage.
Until then, I hope you have a great few days. And always remember to smile even if you're sad, it makes me feel a little better at least :).
p.s. I love you
Dear Seth,
I'm sitting in a cafe called Caffe Capri. It reminds me so much of WildFlour Bakery. And the music playing is A Thousand Years - Christina Perri. It's so homey. I feel alive and invigorated while drinking my pumpkin spiced latte.
Tomorrow night I start my journey for the third time, crossing from one coast to the next. Almost 2,500 miles and I will finally feel like I'm home. I thought about staying in Mt. Pleasant but I want to be near the pier and be able to walk around the city at night so I'll be staying in Charleston.
I cannot wait. The only thing better would be having you there but I know that's just a pipe dream.
I hope that you're having a great day. I see at least it's nice and warm there compared to Boise. Here it's fucking cold as hell. It rained through out the night, now we just have an over cast sky with wind. I can't wait to go to the beach when I get to Charleston. I can't wait!
Write to you later.
p.s. I love you
I'm sitting in a cafe called Caffe Capri. It reminds me so much of WildFlour Bakery. And the music playing is A Thousand Years - Christina Perri. It's so homey. I feel alive and invigorated while drinking my pumpkin spiced latte.
Tomorrow night I start my journey for the third time, crossing from one coast to the next. Almost 2,500 miles and I will finally feel like I'm home. I thought about staying in Mt. Pleasant but I want to be near the pier and be able to walk around the city at night so I'll be staying in Charleston.
I cannot wait. The only thing better would be having you there but I know that's just a pipe dream.
I hope that you're having a great day. I see at least it's nice and warm there compared to Boise. Here it's fucking cold as hell. It rained through out the night, now we just have an over cast sky with wind. I can't wait to go to the beach when I get to Charleston. I can't wait!
Write to you later.
p.s. I love you
Monday, November 12, 2012
Dear Seth,
Day after tomorrow I will be once again making my journey south. Though there have been various reasons I have traveled to the same place and over 12,000 miles just to get there, it has always been for love. I guess you could say that I have 12,000 reasons why I'm going back. And pretty much every single one of them belong to you. No matter the out come it was all worth it. All the pain that I have suffered through, it was worth it.
p.s. I love you
Day after tomorrow I will be once again making my journey south. Though there have been various reasons I have traveled to the same place and over 12,000 miles just to get there, it has always been for love. I guess you could say that I have 12,000 reasons why I'm going back. And pretty much every single one of them belong to you. No matter the out come it was all worth it. All the pain that I have suffered through, it was worth it.
p.s. I love you
I feel like I'm lying to myself. I'm still in love with you. He is just a distraction. Something to ease my aching heart. He's sweet and kind, though I'm sure there is a lot more too him than that.
This is just so damn well messed up.
Well I hope that you're having a great night and have sweet dreams. Maybe I'll get to see you on my trip and at least get to say goodbye to the man that will always have my heart. I'll be there Saturday to start that process.
Good night.
p.s. I love you
This is just so damn well messed up.
Well I hope that you're having a great night and have sweet dreams. Maybe I'll get to see you on my trip and at least get to say goodbye to the man that will always have my heart. I'll be there Saturday to start that process.
Good night.
p.s. I love you
Dear Seth,
It's sputtering snow here. Can't wait to get to South Carolina and not have to wear a freaking sweater. Winter came way too early here. I am so totally going to Folley Beach and see the Atlantic.
There are a lot of things that I can't wait to do, but most of all what I'd wish the most is to see you at least once in my life, to know that you are a flesh and blood human being and not a figment of my imagination.
I hope that you're having a great day Seth. Take care and write to you later.
p.s. I love you
It's sputtering snow here. Can't wait to get to South Carolina and not have to wear a freaking sweater. Winter came way too early here. I am so totally going to Folley Beach and see the Atlantic.
There are a lot of things that I can't wait to do, but most of all what I'd wish the most is to see you at least once in my life, to know that you are a flesh and blood human being and not a figment of my imagination.
I hope that you're having a great day Seth. Take care and write to you later.
p.s. I love you
Dear Seth,
While waking up I was a little bored so I googled something on my phone. I had heard that The Notebook was filmed , in part, in Charleston. Granted this got me excited as hell too. My favorite scene from the movie was filmed where I crossed almost every day. And this is what I posted. I hope that you'll meet me on King Street some night and we can watch the stars together.
Right now I'm excited. When I would look up at the stars at night in Chas. I knew that there was something special about them. They were were so polished and dream like that I could reach out and touch them.
Well I just found out that a few blocks from where I would look up at the stars is where Noah and Allie ( from The Notebook ) layed down in the middle of the street to look up at the same stars I did many months later. I've walked that same street many times as well and I never knew.
Now in less than a week I will be there once again.
p.s. I love you
While waking up I was a little bored so I googled something on my phone. I had heard that The Notebook was filmed , in part, in Charleston. Granted this got me excited as hell too. My favorite scene from the movie was filmed where I crossed almost every day. And this is what I posted. I hope that you'll meet me on King Street some night and we can watch the stars together.
Right now I'm excited. When I would look up at the stars at night in Chas. I knew that there was something special about them. They were were so polished and dream like that I could reach out and touch them.
Well I just found out that a few blocks from where I would look up at the stars is where Noah and Allie ( from The Notebook ) layed down in the middle of the street to look up at the same stars I did many months later. I've walked that same street many times as well and I never knew.
Now in less than a week I will be there once again.
p.s. I love you
Sunday, November 11, 2012
Dear Seth,
I just wanted to tell you good night and sweet dreams. As I'm writing this letter I'm listening to Mazzy Star. Love this band. And it fucking makes me think of you.
I can't believe that in a week I'll be counting the stars and breathing the salty ocean air. I'll be swinging in my favorite swing looking at the dolphins swimming around in the bay. I'll be home, finally.
Take care and hope that you have a great rest of the night and a good day tomorrow.
p.s. I love you
I just wanted to tell you good night and sweet dreams. As I'm writing this letter I'm listening to Mazzy Star. Love this band. And it fucking makes me think of you.
I can't believe that in a week I'll be counting the stars and breathing the salty ocean air. I'll be swinging in my favorite swing looking at the dolphins swimming around in the bay. I'll be home, finally.
Take care and hope that you have a great rest of the night and a good day tomorrow.
p.s. I love you
Dear Seth,
This is something that I've always wanted to say to you. Yes I posted it on your website and if you ever looked up the ip address you'll know that it's from me. And I really don't care I just felt the need to get this off my mind.
It seems that everything is infused with your essence. From the bitter cold air that fills my lungs to the crunchy leaves that fade away to nothing beneath my feet. From the songs I listen to, whether it be the head thumping beats of Skillet or the comforting swaying sounds of Sonny Rollins, I think of you.
24 hours a day, from the time I am conscious of my thoughts to when I close my eyes, you are always on my mind. You even invade my dreams. I can't seem to ever not think about you. Believe me I've tried.
Every cell in my body comes alive with just the mere sight of your name. You have affected me in ways that I never knew. Being dependent on someone like this isn't healthy but I no longer care.
I guess it will always be like this until my last breath and beat of my heart. I will always love you. My heart, body, soul and now love are yours for life.
p.s. I love you
This is something that I've always wanted to say to you. Yes I posted it on your website and if you ever looked up the ip address you'll know that it's from me. And I really don't care I just felt the need to get this off my mind.
It seems that everything is infused with your essence. From the bitter cold air that fills my lungs to the crunchy leaves that fade away to nothing beneath my feet. From the songs I listen to, whether it be the head thumping beats of Skillet or the comforting swaying sounds of Sonny Rollins, I think of you.
24 hours a day, from the time I am conscious of my thoughts to when I close my eyes, you are always on my mind. You even invade my dreams. I can't seem to ever not think about you. Believe me I've tried.
Every cell in my body comes alive with just the mere sight of your name. You have affected me in ways that I never knew. Being dependent on someone like this isn't healthy but I no longer care.
I guess it will always be like this until my last breath and beat of my heart. I will always love you. My heart, body, soul and now love are yours for life.
p.s. I love you
Dear Seth,
Oh my God. Now over 200 people on Facebook know that I'm still in love with you. I'm so fucked over here. Well that's what Jack Daniels does to me, I tell the truth. And I do still love you. Oh God I do so much.
I've decided that I'm leaving this Friday night to go to Charleston. I can't wait. I miss it there so much. Never have I been to a place that has that much of a pull on me. There is so much magic there it's indescribably breath taking. She has my heart fully just as much as you do.
Well I hope that you're having a great day Seth. Take care and I will write to you later. Just need to drink my butterscotch latte from Moxie Java and try to get over this hangover that's trying to consume me.
p.s. I love you
Oh my God. Now over 200 people on Facebook know that I'm still in love with you. I'm so fucked over here. Well that's what Jack Daniels does to me, I tell the truth. And I do still love you. Oh God I do so much.
I've decided that I'm leaving this Friday night to go to Charleston. I can't wait. I miss it there so much. Never have I been to a place that has that much of a pull on me. There is so much magic there it's indescribably breath taking. She has my heart fully just as much as you do.
Well I hope that you're having a great day Seth. Take care and I will write to you later. Just need to drink my butterscotch latte from Moxie Java and try to get over this hangover that's trying to consume me.
p.s. I love you
Saturday, November 10, 2012
Skillet-Don't Wake Me
This is how I feel at the moment about you Seth. Fuck this is bad.
I went to bed I was thinking about you
Ain't the same since I'm living without you
All the memories are getting colder
All the things that I wanna do over
I went to bed I was thinking about you
I wanna talk and laugh like we used to
When I see you in my dreams at night
It's so real but it's in my mind
And now
I guess
This is as good as it gets
Don't wake me
'Cause I don't wanna leave this dream
Don't wake me
'Cause I never seem to stay asleep enough
When it's you I'm dreaming of
I don't wanna wake up
I went to bed I was thinking about you
And how it felt when I finally found you
It's like a movie playing over in my head
Don't wanna look 'cause I know how it ends
All the words that I said that I wouldn't say
All the promises I made that I wouldn't break
It's last call, last song, last dance
'Cause I can't get you back, can't get a second chance
And now, I guess
This is as good as it gets
Don't wake me
'Cause I don't wanna leave this dream
Don't wake me
'Cause I never seem to stay asleep enough
When it's you I'm dreaming of
I don't wanna wake up
Don't wake me
We're together just you and me
Don't wake me
'Cause we're happy like we used to be
I know I've gotta let you go
But I don't wanna be alone
These dreams of you keep on growing stronger
It ain't a lot but it's all I have
Nothing to do but keep sleeping longer
Don't wanna stop cause I want you back
Don't wake me
'Cause I don't wanna leave this dream
Don't wake me
'Cause I never seem to stay asleep enough
When it's you I'm dreaming of
I don't wanna wake up
Don't wake me
We're together just you and me
Don't wake me
'Cause we're happy like we used to be
I know I've gotta let you go
But I don't wanna be alone
I went to bed I was thinking about you
Cause I don't wanna leave this dream
It ain't the same since I been here without you
Cause I never seem to stay asleep
I know I gotta let you go, I don't wanna wake up
Ain't the same since I'm living without you
All the memories are getting colder
All the things that I wanna do over
I went to bed I was thinking about you
I wanna talk and laugh like we used to
When I see you in my dreams at night
It's so real but it's in my mind
And now
I guess
This is as good as it gets
Don't wake me
'Cause I don't wanna leave this dream
Don't wake me
'Cause I never seem to stay asleep enough
When it's you I'm dreaming of
I don't wanna wake up
I went to bed I was thinking about you
And how it felt when I finally found you
It's like a movie playing over in my head
Don't wanna look 'cause I know how it ends
All the words that I said that I wouldn't say
All the promises I made that I wouldn't break
It's last call, last song, last dance
'Cause I can't get you back, can't get a second chance
And now, I guess
This is as good as it gets
Don't wake me
'Cause I don't wanna leave this dream
Don't wake me
'Cause I never seem to stay asleep enough
When it's you I'm dreaming of
I don't wanna wake up
Don't wake me
We're together just you and me
Don't wake me
'Cause we're happy like we used to be
I know I've gotta let you go
But I don't wanna be alone
These dreams of you keep on growing stronger
It ain't a lot but it's all I have
Nothing to do but keep sleeping longer
Don't wanna stop cause I want you back
Don't wake me
'Cause I don't wanna leave this dream
Don't wake me
'Cause I never seem to stay asleep enough
When it's you I'm dreaming of
I don't wanna wake up
Don't wake me
We're together just you and me
Don't wake me
'Cause we're happy like we used to be
I know I've gotta let you go
But I don't wanna be alone
I went to bed I was thinking about you
Cause I don't wanna leave this dream
It ain't the same since I been here without you
Cause I never seem to stay asleep
I know I gotta let you go, I don't wanna wake up
Friday, November 9, 2012
Well I've gotten a new hair cut and dyed my hair brown with reddish highlights. Didn't think that it could happen but my eyes look bluer. I look and feel beautiful for once. I wish you could see it. I really do. Ever since I've gotten out of the salon 45 minutes ago I've been nothing but stared at. A guy even introduced himself. Nick. Hmm idk.
Anyways I thought about you the whole time. I miss you so damn much right now it's not funny. Can't wait. Next Friday is when I'll start my journey back to Charleston. I can smell the sea breeze if I close my eyes and take a deep breath.
I just wish with my heart that I could finally meet the man that I'm in love with. The man that's my world.
So hope that you're having a great night and smile tomorrow. Good night and sweet dreams.
p.s. I love you
Anyways I thought about you the whole time. I miss you so damn much right now it's not funny. Can't wait. Next Friday is when I'll start my journey back to Charleston. I can smell the sea breeze if I close my eyes and take a deep breath.
I just wish with my heart that I could finally meet the man that I'm in love with. The man that's my world.
So hope that you're having a great night and smile tomorrow. Good night and sweet dreams.
p.s. I love you
Thursday, November 8, 2012
Trey Songz - Heart Attack
Oh damn. It seems that every new song I listen to reminds me of your Seth. What the holy fuck dude? And this is one of them.
Dear Seth,
I don't know why but today I'm smiling so damn much and so freaking happy. I guess it's because I dreamed of Charleston last night. I think that I might have dreamed of you too. At least I know that in my dreams you like me.
Even though today is gloomy and and threatening rain I'm so damn happy that I could cry.
I hope that you're having a great day. Can't wait to go to Chas soon. I miss it so much. It will be almost 12,000 miles that I've traveled and I still love you with every fiber of my being.
p.s. I love you
I don't know why but today I'm smiling so damn much and so freaking happy. I guess it's because I dreamed of Charleston last night. I think that I might have dreamed of you too. At least I know that in my dreams you like me.
Even though today is gloomy and and threatening rain I'm so damn happy that I could cry.
I hope that you're having a great day. Can't wait to go to Chas soon. I miss it so much. It will be almost 12,000 miles that I've traveled and I still love you with every fiber of my being.
p.s. I love you
Wednesday, November 7, 2012
Dear Seth,
Tonight I know that I'll dream of Charleston, like I did early this morning. I can't wait to be back there in probably like 3 weeks time. I miss it there so damn much. All the buildings, alleys and people. I miss it all.
A part of you has breathed new life into this lonely soul. Thank you.
Good night and sweet dreams.
p.s. I love you
Tonight I know that I'll dream of Charleston, like I did early this morning. I can't wait to be back there in probably like 3 weeks time. I miss it there so damn much. All the buildings, alleys and people. I miss it all.
A part of you has breathed new life into this lonely soul. Thank you.
Good night and sweet dreams.
p.s. I love you
To tell you how tremendously of a sucky day I really had here is how it all went down.
I got up early after only getting like 5 hours sleep. I was so excited to get to see Cody after not seeing him since Thursday. Took a shower and raced down to the coffee shop.
After thinking that hmm maybe he doesn't come in at 8 but at 12, I waited. Then I go up and ask the manager where he was. Turns out that hours were cut and he was let go. I tried to hold it in as long as possible but broke down.
Red eyed and stuffy nosed I go home and drop off my stuff so that I can go and vote. The polling place is at my old elementary school, which I thought was pretty rad ( still smells the same after 20 some years ).
I wait in a long line for like 5 minutes before being told that registered voters can wait in another line. I slowly make my way up to the front of the line. I was then told that my id doesn't match what's on their papers. Ugh fine.
I go and wait in the long long line to reregister for over a half hour, thinking ok lets get this done so I can go home and eat, all while reading ltc. Damn idiots ticked me off. Told me that I have to have proof that I live where I do.
So I go home, crying from all the frustration of the day, and get a piece of mail with my name and address on it. I make it back to the school and vote.
The only thing that totally saved me from losing it right there was a bake sale that the kids were having. Best damn brownies ever!
Now I just have that lingering headache that feels a lot like a hangover and no brownies :/
I'm giving it one last hope that Cody is at this other place that he's mentioned before. I'm not going to wish on a star or dandelions for that. If he's there he's there, if not I try and move on. But I am going to hope. Wish me luck. :)
But the real reason that I was crying was that I missed you most of all Seth. ( but that's my little secret )
p.s. I love you
Tuesday, November 6, 2012
Dear Seth,
No you're not a fall back crush or whatever. I've always loved you so much. So I will continue this blog no matter the cost to my heart. Maybe someday you will come across it and finally know, one can only wish.
Even after all that's gone on I still love you so damn much. Loving you is second nature to breathing. It just happens without thought. But you'll never really know how much I love you. So I'll just keep it to myself so my friends don't end up really hating you. This will be my secret.
p.s. I love you
No you're not a fall back crush or whatever. I've always loved you so much. So I will continue this blog no matter the cost to my heart. Maybe someday you will come across it and finally know, one can only wish.
Even after all that's gone on I still love you so damn much. Loving you is second nature to breathing. It just happens without thought. But you'll never really know how much I love you. So I'll just keep it to myself so my friends don't end up really hating you. This will be my secret.
I love you.
p.s. I love you
I just want to know what in the hell I've done that's so wrong in life? God now even Cody doesn't work here. I'm just in a really shitty mood. And it doesn't help that I'm still in fucking love with you Seth. I tried my best to move on and this is what gets thrown in my face. Why? That's the only question I have. Why?
Monday, November 5, 2012
I think that I will always love you. I have fought with myself so many times on what you are to me. You are seriously my first and last love. You have been my greatest high and my lowest low.
My heart has thundered like it was about to stop from being so damn happy and it has also shattered into so many tiny pieces that will never be found. You are both my yin and yang. There has never been a gray area when it comes to someone like yourself.
And now I have to find at least some of those pieces of my heart so that I may move on. I wish things would have been different between us, but at least I can hope to one day see you in heaven. You will always haunt my dreams Seth.
Good bye my love.
My heart has thundered like it was about to stop from being so damn happy and it has also shattered into so many tiny pieces that will never be found. You are both my yin and yang. There has never been a gray area when it comes to someone like yourself.
And now I have to find at least some of those pieces of my heart so that I may move on. I wish things would have been different between us, but at least I can hope to one day see you in heaven. You will always haunt my dreams Seth.
Good bye my love.
Sunday, November 4, 2012
Damn it someone wrote to me about you. Fuck man. I'm trying so hard to let go but damn it. I'm trying to move on and forget about you. Cody is a good guy. I'm starting to like him. This is really going to be a hard night. Why tonight? I answered her letter as best as I could have. It feels like a slap in the face. And all I want to do is curse and scream right now. The gods aren't going to be kind to me I can feel it. All I can do right now is focus on Tuesday and seeing him.
I feel like such a loser that I still love you so damn much. What did I do to deserve this kind of pain? I'm trying so hard to get over you by my will power has gone to shit today. I sort of do like some else, at least I'm trying to convince myself of that, but I just really don't know.
Damn you Hayward. And go to hell.
Damn you Hayward. And go to hell.
Friday, November 2, 2012
Ugh ok I'm not going to break. I am not going to fucking do it. But I fucking miss talking or better yet emailing you. I'm sick and fucking tired of seeing you in my dreams Seth. Get the fuck out of my head. I'm trying to move on. I am. But I can't. What the fuck are you doing to me? Why? It's obvious that you are messed up but I still love you so much. Damn it to hell.
p.s. I love you
p.s. I love you
Thursday, November 1, 2012
Look I know that you probably don't want to hear it but tough shit, deal with it because I'm about to speak my mind.
It took my 5 fucking years to gather up all the courage that I had to tell someone that I loved them. I mean LOVED them. It was you dude. After what my ex husband had told me all of those years I believed it day in and day out. Then you came along. You were sweet and charming and I though intelligent as well.
It's not that you shot me down. You fucking broke my heart. I have been in love with you for almost a year. A fucking YEAR dude. For most of that time I kept silent because I was too afraid to take the leap and tell anyone that I loved them again. I know that you are going through a lot of shit. Believe me so am I, but that's no stupid ass reason to take it out on me. That is not forgivable.
Every time I would chat or email with you I felt beautiful and wanted. I smiled and laughed freely. Now it's all forced even if people think it's natural. And I believed how I felt too. Now I can't trust anyone. I don't believe anything anyone has to say. I'll never tell anyone again that I love them. You were my last hope. And it fucking broke me bad.
Now I'm left feeling lost and very alone and I always will be. And when I either meet you in heaven or hell you will hear from me. I will be waiting. You can count on that. I'm so tired of being unhappy and crying all the time. I just want it to stop.
It took my 5 fucking years to gather up all the courage that I had to tell someone that I loved them. I mean LOVED them. It was you dude. After what my ex husband had told me all of those years I believed it day in and day out. Then you came along. You were sweet and charming and I though intelligent as well.
It's not that you shot me down. You fucking broke my heart. I have been in love with you for almost a year. A fucking YEAR dude. For most of that time I kept silent because I was too afraid to take the leap and tell anyone that I loved them again. I know that you are going through a lot of shit. Believe me so am I, but that's no stupid ass reason to take it out on me. That is not forgivable.
Every time I would chat or email with you I felt beautiful and wanted. I smiled and laughed freely. Now it's all forced even if people think it's natural. And I believed how I felt too. Now I can't trust anyone. I don't believe anything anyone has to say. I'll never tell anyone again that I love them. You were my last hope. And it fucking broke me bad.
Now I'm left feeling lost and very alone and I always will be. And when I either meet you in heaven or hell you will hear from me. I will be waiting. You can count on that. I'm so tired of being unhappy and crying all the time. I just want it to stop.
To tell you how bad it has been for me and it's been bad dude. I've lost almost 35 lbs in the past month from not eating. I have started drinking again. Halloween was cool but I really over did it. I'm just so numb.
Before I would cry, now I just hold it in. My heart is breaking once again. And it couldn't be at a worse time either. Marcs death is just around the corner and it's weighing on me too. Just so much is coming at me all at once. It so hard to take. I feel like I've done something wrong and I know that I haven't. I know that people now probably hate me on ltc. I just feel so alone right now in this. Yes I know that I have my friend Kim back but still......
That's all I have for now. I never thought that someone that means so much to me could affect me like this and it fucking sucks.
And it's hard for me to now go on ltc and post a letter even though it's not about you and put my name down. I want to be able to let people know hey this is me but my stomach gets in knots because I always expect some back lash. The same goes for chat too. I had heard that people were in chat talking about me. Why? I never did anything wrong to anyone and I get this?
Before I would cry, now I just hold it in. My heart is breaking once again. And it couldn't be at a worse time either. Marcs death is just around the corner and it's weighing on me too. Just so much is coming at me all at once. It so hard to take. I feel like I've done something wrong and I know that I haven't. I know that people now probably hate me on ltc. I just feel so alone right now in this. Yes I know that I have my friend Kim back but still......
That's all I have for now. I never thought that someone that means so much to me could affect me like this and it fucking sucks.
And it's hard for me to now go on ltc and post a letter even though it's not about you and put my name down. I want to be able to let people know hey this is me but my stomach gets in knots because I always expect some back lash. The same goes for chat too. I had heard that people were in chat talking about me. Why? I never did anything wrong to anyone and I get this?
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