To tell you how bad it has been for me and it's been bad dude. I've lost almost 35 lbs in the past month from not eating. I have started drinking again. Halloween was cool but I really over did it. I'm just so numb.

Before I would cry, now I just hold it in. My heart is breaking once again. And it couldn't be at a worse time either. Marcs death is just around the corner and it's weighing on me too. Just so much is coming at me all at once. It so hard to take. I feel like I've done something wrong and I know that I haven't. I know that people now probably hate me on ltc. I just feel so alone right now in this. Yes I know that I have my friend Kim back but still......

That's all I have for now. I never thought that someone that means so much to me could affect me like this and it fucking sucks.

And it's hard for me to now go on ltc and post a letter even though it's not about you and put my name down. I want to be able to let people know hey this is me but my stomach gets in knots because I always expect some back lash. The same goes for chat too. I had heard that people were in chat talking about me. Why? I never did anything wrong to anyone and I get this?