Dear Seth,
It's 5 minutes before the stroke of midnight; Christmas, and this is my wish for you.
http://letterstocrushes.com/letter/611035
p.s. I love you
p.p.s. Merry Christmas
Wednesday, December 24, 2014
Thursday, November 27, 2014
Dear Seth,
I hope that you had a great Thanksgiving. Mine on the other hand went from great to not so great. I spent roughly 8 hours with mom today. The one thing that I have to remember is that my mom is there somewhere and what she says is just the disease taking a little more from her. Okay so I can be brave and do this crap alone, hell it's been like this for a long time now, but then at times I just would love for it not to be totally pushed on me. All I can do is smile and carry on.
Good night and sweet dreams.
p.s. I love you
I hope that you had a great Thanksgiving. Mine on the other hand went from great to not so great. I spent roughly 8 hours with mom today. The one thing that I have to remember is that my mom is there somewhere and what she says is just the disease taking a little more from her. Okay so I can be brave and do this crap alone, hell it's been like this for a long time now, but then at times I just would love for it not to be totally pushed on me. All I can do is smile and carry on.
Good night and sweet dreams.
p.s. I love you
Wednesday, November 26, 2014
Thursday, October 23, 2014
Dear Seth,
I wonder if there will ever be a time I will get enough courage to tell you everything, or will it be too late? That right there fucking terrifies me.
Honestly I have to make myself wake up and go to work, some days. And some days I have those moments where my heart physically feels like it is about to give out. Watching your arm mottle, fingers and parts of and fingertips turn blue becomes so scary. The one thought, besides my mom, that goes though my head is that I ask God to tell him that I love you so much.
Falling in love with you Seth was never a part of my life's plan. It is not that it's not welcome but dude...
I wonder if there will ever be a time I will get enough courage to tell you everything, or will it be too late? That right there fucking terrifies me.
Honestly I have to make myself wake up and go to work, some days. And some days I have those moments where my heart physically feels like it is about to give out. Watching your arm mottle, fingers and parts of and fingertips turn blue becomes so scary. The one thought, besides my mom, that goes though my head is that I ask God to tell him that I love you so much.
Falling in love with you Seth was never a part of my life's plan. It is not that it's not welcome but dude...
Dear Seth,
You are in the place that I want to be most, where I am going to be in the next few months. But right now I have to admit that I'm so hella jealous of you. Damn..... Hopefully you'll step out of your comfort zone and visit one place for me, Duelers Alley, or even the Gibbs Museum, or or or Charleston's Waterfront Park on a clear night looking up at the stars and swinging. *sigh* Maybe this spring, or whenever you visit next you'll meet me at the pineapple fountain.
p.s. I love you
Friday, September 5, 2014
Thursday, September 4, 2014
Dear Seth,
Well my time here is sadly over. I leave tomorrow on the bus back home at 6:30 pm. And right now I'm scared that I won't make it back in December. I think that I saw you sometime last week on BART, but not totally sure. All I know is that it has left me shook up and breathless. I just wish that I could see you tomorrow, or even tonight at 2 a.m. :D (*cough, cough* I have my favorite room, #115 just look up my last letter on the mod page, the ip addy is where I'm at, sorta. I'm sure you'd figure it out, you're smart like that.).
And all I know is that my life has been forever changed by you, dude. I hope that you have a good night and sleep well. I'm still jealous of your pillows that your head lays on :P.
p.s. I love you
Well my time here is sadly over. I leave tomorrow on the bus back home at 6:30 pm. And right now I'm scared that I won't make it back in December. I think that I saw you sometime last week on BART, but not totally sure. All I know is that it has left me shook up and breathless. I just wish that I could see you tomorrow, or even tonight at 2 a.m. :D (*cough, cough* I have my favorite room, #115 just look up my last letter on the mod page, the ip addy is where I'm at, sorta. I'm sure you'd figure it out, you're smart like that.).
And all I know is that my life has been forever changed by you, dude. I hope that you have a good night and sleep well. I'm still jealous of your pillows that your head lays on :P.
p.s. I love you
Tuesday, September 2, 2014
Dear Seth,
Time goes by too fast, would you not agree? At the end of the day you wish for one more finite piece of time, grasping at thin air even, just so that it can keep the memory going.
That is what is going on with me. I want more time. I will always want more time, but I have to live with what was given. I guess that makes each second spent loving you more precious.
p.s. I love you
Monday, September 1, 2014
Dear Seth,
I was there for as long as I could be.The dizziness and other things made it a bit unbearable to stay any longer. It was an interesting festival. And those potato things were good. The sun on my face while looking at the palm trees swaying in the gentle breeze felt so good.
Today I plan to be in the city doing the tourist thing. First the mission district and then of course Chinatown around noonish time. And then end the day at Ocean Beach. I don't know about eating clams, but I just might go for it. I just wish I could see you.
I hope that you have a great morning and a lovely day, just the same.
p.s. I love you
I was there for as long as I could be.The dizziness and other things made it a bit unbearable to stay any longer. It was an interesting festival. And those potato things were good. The sun on my face while looking at the palm trees swaying in the gentle breeze felt so good.
Today I plan to be in the city doing the tourist thing. First the mission district and then of course Chinatown around noonish time. And then end the day at Ocean Beach. I don't know about eating clams, but I just might go for it. I just wish I could see you.
I hope that you have a great morning and a lovely day, just the same.
p.s. I love you
Sunday, August 31, 2014
Dear Seth,
I'm here, and it's unbelievable. Never have I been happier than right now, a little nervous too. If I'm not mistaken I saw you on BART about two days ago. Ever since then I haven't been quite right. The damned emotions are in the way. I'm just in total shock.
In a little while I'm going to the Millbrae's Art and Wine Festival, and would love to see you there. With my heart in my throat I'll walk up to you and say hello. So if you could find it in your heart, please be there. This is probably my last chance to be here. I'm not trying to gain sympathy but my health really isn't that peachy. And I'm scared.
It's a nice day to be out and around, just like yesterday. I'm glad that I didn't spend the whole day inside. I've found my new happy spot at Peet's on Broadway. Love it, it reminds me of Cafe Capri back in Boise. That will be the first place I stop at to get my ice Pumpkin Spiced Latte. :D
Well I better go take a shower and get ready for some awesome stuff.
p.s. I love you
Thursday, August 21, 2014
Dear Seth,
I know it's been a while. Life just happens. Anyways I hope that all is well with you. Here it's a little hard, but getting by. I'm planning a trip in early September to my happy spot. I really need this, especially for my sanity. Just wish you would be there meeting me at the Waterfront Pier at the swings, looking up at the stars.....
And thank you for all the support that you have given me, it means a lot. More than you know.
p.s. I love you
I know it's been a while. Life just happens. Anyways I hope that all is well with you. Here it's a little hard, but getting by. I'm planning a trip in early September to my happy spot. I really need this, especially for my sanity. Just wish you would be there meeting me at the Waterfront Pier at the swings, looking up at the stars.....
And thank you for all the support that you have given me, it means a lot. More than you know.
p.s. I love you
Saturday, August 9, 2014
Dear Seth,
It's been a long time since I've written to you, I'm sorry. There's just a lot going on everywhere, barely any time to really think for myself.
I'm really happy that I'm coming back to Burlingame the first part of December. I need this for many reasons. God how I really wish that I could see you.
Hope that you're doing well and that you have a good night and sweet dreams. I'll try to write more often, though I'll be even busier than ever.
p.s. I love you
It's been a long time since I've written to you, I'm sorry. There's just a lot going on everywhere, barely any time to really think for myself.
I'm really happy that I'm coming back to Burlingame the first part of December. I need this for many reasons. God how I really wish that I could see you.
Hope that you're doing well and that you have a good night and sweet dreams. I'll try to write more often, though I'll be even busier than ever.
p.s. I love you
Monday, June 30, 2014
Dear Seth,
Tonight I am living with a regret that should have never happened.
I realized that I had an hour, give or take, with you to say what I needed to say. I took the cowards way out and said nothing. I was only brave enough to steal a glance as the city lights passed us by and smile at you once or twice. You were so beautiful that I forgot to fully breathe. I never should have gotten off where I did.
I made a mistake. And now I so desperately want another chance to make it right.Today what you said gives me hope that there could be another chance. I could only hope and pray that it is true. Right now I really need this.
p.s. I love you
Tonight I am living with a regret that should have never happened.
I realized that I had an hour, give or take, with you to say what I needed to say. I took the cowards way out and said nothing. I was only brave enough to steal a glance as the city lights passed us by and smile at you once or twice. You were so beautiful that I forgot to fully breathe. I never should have gotten off where I did.
I made a mistake. And now I so desperately want another chance to make it right.Today what you said gives me hope that there could be another chance. I could only hope and pray that it is true. Right now I really need this.
p.s. I love you
Sunday, June 29, 2014
Tuesday, June 24, 2014
Saturday, June 21, 2014
Saturday, June 14, 2014
Thursday, June 12, 2014
Tuesday, June 10, 2014
Dear Seth,
Mr. Sparks said it best when he wrote this for The Notebook, and I honestly could not agree more; "The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more, that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds. And that's what you've given me. That's what I'd hoped to give you forever."
p.s. I love you
Mr. Sparks said it best when he wrote this for The Notebook, and I honestly could not agree more; "The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more, that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds. And that's what you've given me. That's what I'd hoped to give you forever."
p.s. I love you
Dear Seth,
Back in March I had looked and looked for the place that Emma found Will in the ending of Waiting for Forever. I sort of though of it as my happy spot. Sadly I never did find it.
I was so disheartened that I thought that it was a real place, never once thinking it a movie set. Though I did find somewhere similar, ending setting on top of the mound watching life go on all around me in the middle of the big city called San Francisco.
The one thing that I have come to realize is that it is not where you go that is special, but what is in your heart and how that place makes you feel inside. And to that I have to add I have many such places. It is also a state of mind that you can place your self in. And most of the time all I have to do is just close my eyes and you are there. You are the place my heart and mind will always go to.
p.s. I love you
Back in March I had looked and looked for the place that Emma found Will in the ending of Waiting for Forever. I sort of though of it as my happy spot. Sadly I never did find it.
I was so disheartened that I thought that it was a real place, never once thinking it a movie set. Though I did find somewhere similar, ending setting on top of the mound watching life go on all around me in the middle of the big city called San Francisco.
The one thing that I have come to realize is that it is not where you go that is special, but what is in your heart and how that place makes you feel inside. And to that I have to add I have many such places. It is also a state of mind that you can place your self in. And most of the time all I have to do is just close my eyes and you are there. You are the place my heart and mind will always go to.
p.s. I love you
Sunday, May 25, 2014
Dear Seth,
I am listening to Explosions In The Sky's The Birth and Death of a Day as I write this, making me feel a little more sentimental about everything. I love your taste in music dude.
Tonight was almost beautiful. People swaying back and forth to their own beat, lights flashing, some music that you would like playing in the background. The place was crowded with regulars. But honestly everywhere I turned I searched for your face. I needed and wanted you there. Honestly I was fucking miserable.
I know that I said that I am happy that you are somewhere on earth, but that does not make me yearn for you to be where I am, or vise versa, any less.
There is a line that A Fine Frenzy sings about only wanting to be only where you are, and tonight I have to agree with her. I feel it so deep inside that it pretty much makes me feel weird otherwise.
I have learned, that over time, where you call home is not always where you reside. And damn it my gut tells me that you are my home.
And how I feel right now is I am okay, but earlier I just didn't know. I'm so damned scared. Yeah I know that I'm getting older and whatever but fucking a man this just doesn't feel right. I know it's definitely not a panic attack, because if so it has an odd way of presenting itself. It doesn't add up.
Anyways I have thought about a lot of things. When the inevitable happens I know that I will not be able to stay here any longer. Thinking long and hard about this and what I need and want to do with my life, I plan to move very very far away.
You have made me love a state like no other. South Carolina is as about as far away from everything as you can get. That is where I want to be. That is where I know, without a doubt, that I would be able to build a life for myself, though I would love to have you in it more than it is now. This is where, in a way, that I have always dreamed about being. It was where I was so happy. Idaho is my past and South Carolina is my future. I still think of you waiting for me at Boone Plantation, in the gardens. Here's to hoping that it comes true.
p.s. I love you
I am listening to Explosions In The Sky's The Birth and Death of a Day as I write this, making me feel a little more sentimental about everything. I love your taste in music dude.
Tonight was almost beautiful. People swaying back and forth to their own beat, lights flashing, some music that you would like playing in the background. The place was crowded with regulars. But honestly everywhere I turned I searched for your face. I needed and wanted you there. Honestly I was fucking miserable.
I know that I said that I am happy that you are somewhere on earth, but that does not make me yearn for you to be where I am, or vise versa, any less.
There is a line that A Fine Frenzy sings about only wanting to be only where you are, and tonight I have to agree with her. I feel it so deep inside that it pretty much makes me feel weird otherwise.
I have learned, that over time, where you call home is not always where you reside. And damn it my gut tells me that you are my home.
And how I feel right now is I am okay, but earlier I just didn't know. I'm so damned scared. Yeah I know that I'm getting older and whatever but fucking a man this just doesn't feel right. I know it's definitely not a panic attack, because if so it has an odd way of presenting itself. It doesn't add up.
Anyways I have thought about a lot of things. When the inevitable happens I know that I will not be able to stay here any longer. Thinking long and hard about this and what I need and want to do with my life, I plan to move very very far away.
You have made me love a state like no other. South Carolina is as about as far away from everything as you can get. That is where I want to be. That is where I know, without a doubt, that I would be able to build a life for myself, though I would love to have you in it more than it is now. This is where, in a way, that I have always dreamed about being. It was where I was so happy. Idaho is my past and South Carolina is my future. I still think of you waiting for me at Boone Plantation, in the gardens. Here's to hoping that it comes true.
p.s. I love you
Saturday, May 24, 2014
Wednesday, May 21, 2014
Tuesday, May 20, 2014
Monday, May 19, 2014
Friday, May 16, 2014
Dear Seth,
God that name, your name, gives me shivers. My breath hitches, my heart speeds up the adrenaline in me just gets me all flustered. It also gives me that crooked smiles, that goofy feeling. I want to laugh. Everything about you just makes me feel just, omg.
And this is this one thing that gives me something to look forward too. Just even a mention of me.
p.s. I love you
God that name, your name, gives me shivers. My breath hitches, my heart speeds up the adrenaline in me just gets me all flustered. It also gives me that crooked smiles, that goofy feeling. I want to laugh. Everything about you just makes me feel just, omg.
And this is this one thing that gives me something to look forward too. Just even a mention of me.
p.s. I love you
Dear Seth,
Thank you for being so kind to me, especially lately. It has been really rough. My emotions are all over the place, but you being there in some small way, helps a lot more than you think. I feel like I am not in this alone.
Last night was really rough for me. I cried so hard, and there is some residual sadness this morning. There was someone that sent me a hate letter. I did nothing to deserve this at all. What happened between the parties involved happened for a reason. And to be blamed for something that needed to happen just isn't right or fair to us. They just need to grow the fuck up.
No I am not jumping to conclusions. I think that I know who it was that did this. I wish that you would not have unbanned them. They will always continue to bully others, that is their nature. Just because they have issues doesn't mean that they have to find the need to bring others down with them.
Well now I have to go and help paint my besties deck. ugh I'm so sore after sanding the fucker yesterday. I used muscles that I never knew I had. And I'm paying for it this morning. But the show must go on. And it's cathartic too, letting all these frustrations out.
I hope that you are having a great day. I just wish you were here instead of there.
p.s. I love you
Thank you for being so kind to me, especially lately. It has been really rough. My emotions are all over the place, but you being there in some small way, helps a lot more than you think. I feel like I am not in this alone.
Last night was really rough for me. I cried so hard, and there is some residual sadness this morning. There was someone that sent me a hate letter. I did nothing to deserve this at all. What happened between the parties involved happened for a reason. And to be blamed for something that needed to happen just isn't right or fair to us. They just need to grow the fuck up.
No I am not jumping to conclusions. I think that I know who it was that did this. I wish that you would not have unbanned them. They will always continue to bully others, that is their nature. Just because they have issues doesn't mean that they have to find the need to bring others down with them.
Well now I have to go and help paint my besties deck. ugh I'm so sore after sanding the fucker yesterday. I used muscles that I never knew I had. And I'm paying for it this morning. But the show must go on. And it's cathartic too, letting all these frustrations out.
I hope that you are having a great day. I just wish you were here instead of there.
p.s. I love you
Thursday, May 15, 2014
ZZ Ward Last Love Song
Dear Seth,
You'll never know how much that comment means to me that you made today. I'm tearing up and having a hard time controlling my emotions. My mother is my life, right now. And for you to say that what is going on with my mom affected your grandfather it just made it hit home that much more.
Shit there goes a tear forming in my left eye and about to run down my cheek.
When she passes I will have no family here. I have thought about going back to Missouri but I just don't really know right now. There is too much going on here. I mean I'd move back to San Francisco but I wouldn't do it without you there. Sure I have friends that I have known forever but it isn't the same.
Anyways I'm listening to this amazing song by ZZ Ward right now called Last Love Song. It's so amazing, sort of like Adele singing Someone Like You.
Thank you for taking the time to write to me today.
p.s. I love you
You'll never know how much that comment means to me that you made today. I'm tearing up and having a hard time controlling my emotions. My mother is my life, right now. And for you to say that what is going on with my mom affected your grandfather it just made it hit home that much more.
Shit there goes a tear forming in my left eye and about to run down my cheek.
When she passes I will have no family here. I have thought about going back to Missouri but I just don't really know right now. There is too much going on here. I mean I'd move back to San Francisco but I wouldn't do it without you there. Sure I have friends that I have known forever but it isn't the same.
Anyways I'm listening to this amazing song by ZZ Ward right now called Last Love Song. It's so amazing, sort of like Adele singing Someone Like You.
Thank you for taking the time to write to me today.
p.s. I love you
Sunday, May 11, 2014
Dear Seth,
I know that it's hope against hope, you have your own life, but I would love to see you today even though you're over 500 miles away. I'll be at Life Care of Valley View here in Boise. Bleh what am I even saying? Stupid, stupid, stupid.
Well I hope that you're having a great day and that all is well. I miss talking to you.
p.s. I love you
I know that it's hope against hope, you have your own life, but I would love to see you today even though you're over 500 miles away. I'll be at Life Care of Valley View here in Boise. Bleh what am I even saying? Stupid, stupid, stupid.
Well I hope that you're having a great day and that all is well. I miss talking to you.
p.s. I love you
Thursday, May 1, 2014
Dear Seth,
p.s. I love you
To sum it all up you're like a favorite novel I can't put
down. The bindings and cover frayed from hands handling you so much, but
what is underneath is worth reading and knowing. Some parts a little
blotched from crying, pages a bit worn from gently caressing favored
passages, others dog eared because I want to read later.
Though sometimes I put you off until late into the night I am always happy and excited to explore another chapter into what seems to be a never ending story. And today I seem to be reading you a little earlier than normal. That's okay because it makes me happy, bringing a smile to my face.
Though sometimes I put you off until late into the night I am always happy and excited to explore another chapter into what seems to be a never ending story. And today I seem to be reading you a little earlier than normal. That's okay because it makes me happy, bringing a smile to my face.
p.s. I love you
Wednesday, April 30, 2014
Danny Brown
Dear Seth,
So..... I found out a little more about you, in a way, hey I did have to make sure you're doing okay. Anyhoo I see you like some um very interesting music. It's leaving me in between biting my lip and and and uh leaving me opened mouth. And here I was thinking I was the only freak in the world. Hella naw dude you are too ;) . Love it. I like Danny Brown's flow. Great taste, especially his song I Will. Now I have a cocky little grin on my face that I think will carry until I sleep then dream of you, like last night.
I hope that you're having a great day. For the first time in a long while I know that I am.
p.s. I love you
So..... I found out a little more about you, in a way, hey I did have to make sure you're doing okay. Anyhoo I see you like some um very interesting music. It's leaving me in between biting my lip and and and uh leaving me opened mouth. And here I was thinking I was the only freak in the world. Hella naw dude you are too ;) . Love it. I like Danny Brown's flow. Great taste, especially his song I Will. Now I have a cocky little grin on my face that I think will carry until I sleep then dream of you, like last night.
I hope that you're having a great day. For the first time in a long while I know that I am.
p.s. I love you
Thursday, April 24, 2014
Tyler Knott Gregson poem 757 part three
Dear Seth,
This is all I think that I have almost wanted to say to you. Thank God that Tyler Knott Gregson was able to write it so aptly.
I want rainfall and I want your hair soaked in it. I want green grass and light pouring in through tree branches and slow steady steps towards me. I want the sound of nothing when it’s shared with you, I want to gasp as nothing always becomes something when your hand is in my hand and the night unfolds. I want movies that play as we don’t bother watching them and I want kisses in the back of the theater when we forget people can see. I want popcorn spills and candy hands and the stillness we swear lives around us. I want the noise rustling grocery bags make when you try to squeeze them to all be carried in one trip and I want the fullness of pantry shelves and I want the standing with hands on hips and long stares into them to unearth the secret of what dinner will consist of. I want the slow motion fall of hair that was cut and I want the chuckling laughter when you cut a spot too short. I want to watch the broom sweep back and forth and forth and back and I want to hold the dustpan to catch the cast aside pieces of me you no longer thought I needed. I want your feet in my hands and my thumbs sore from pressing out the hours you spent on them. I want laughter that comes on so suddenly that everyone around us thinks our tears are of sorrow and our breath abandoned us like we were sinking ships and the sea was filled with lifeboats. I want to be the mirror that watches you disapprove of yourself and I want to be the voice that comes in at the perfect moment to say how beautiful the exact spot you didn’t know I knew you were staring at is.
p.s. I love you
This is all I think that I have almost wanted to say to you. Thank God that Tyler Knott Gregson was able to write it so aptly.
I want rainfall and I want your hair soaked in it. I want green grass and light pouring in through tree branches and slow steady steps towards me. I want the sound of nothing when it’s shared with you, I want to gasp as nothing always becomes something when your hand is in my hand and the night unfolds. I want movies that play as we don’t bother watching them and I want kisses in the back of the theater when we forget people can see. I want popcorn spills and candy hands and the stillness we swear lives around us. I want the noise rustling grocery bags make when you try to squeeze them to all be carried in one trip and I want the fullness of pantry shelves and I want the standing with hands on hips and long stares into them to unearth the secret of what dinner will consist of. I want the slow motion fall of hair that was cut and I want the chuckling laughter when you cut a spot too short. I want to watch the broom sweep back and forth and forth and back and I want to hold the dustpan to catch the cast aside pieces of me you no longer thought I needed. I want your feet in my hands and my thumbs sore from pressing out the hours you spent on them. I want laughter that comes on so suddenly that everyone around us thinks our tears are of sorrow and our breath abandoned us like we were sinking ships and the sea was filled with lifeboats. I want to be the mirror that watches you disapprove of yourself and I want to be the voice that comes in at the perfect moment to say how beautiful the exact spot you didn’t know I knew you were staring at is.
p.s. I love you
Tuesday, April 22, 2014
Dear Seth,
There was a time that I held a deep seeded hateful grudge against you. I was not just broken inside I was mad and beyond hurt about a lot of things. Most of all I think that I did not like myself more than anything and took it out on those I loved and still love the most.
Then I let that go, I had to. I learned that I saw only what I wanted to see and not the whole picture. And when I let those toxic feelings go I saw the most beautiful world and the most beautiful human being standing there needing to be loved most of all.
What had happened in my past had taken over what my future held. It almost destroyed me and I know it hurt you deeply as well. One day I hope you will be able forgive me for disliking you so much.
Though there are times that you can be one hell of a blazing idiot I still love you like no other. I have come to the conclusion that there will be no one else for me. No it's not a sad thing to think but an amazing one, because to have someone love and care for you no matter what, to love them an no other I think is pretty damn special right there. I just wish you would see that too.
p.s. I love you
There was a time that I held a deep seeded hateful grudge against you. I was not just broken inside I was mad and beyond hurt about a lot of things. Most of all I think that I did not like myself more than anything and took it out on those I loved and still love the most.
Then I let that go, I had to. I learned that I saw only what I wanted to see and not the whole picture. And when I let those toxic feelings go I saw the most beautiful world and the most beautiful human being standing there needing to be loved most of all.
What had happened in my past had taken over what my future held. It almost destroyed me and I know it hurt you deeply as well. One day I hope you will be able forgive me for disliking you so much.
Though there are times that you can be one hell of a blazing idiot I still love you like no other. I have come to the conclusion that there will be no one else for me. No it's not a sad thing to think but an amazing one, because to have someone love and care for you no matter what, to love them an no other I think is pretty damn special right there. I just wish you would see that too.
p.s. I love you
Sunday, April 20, 2014
Dear Seth,
Tonight I did not fall in love with you because you made me laugh. I fell in love with you because of the kind words you spoke to me. The words of reassurance of that it will all be okay, somehow. You give me hope and strength. And you give me hope that good guys still exist out in there in the world.
What you did for me and others tonight I don't know if there will ever be a way to pay you back. I have struggled a lot with being bullied all my life, due to various situations. I think that you were as well. And you just got sick of it. The only reason that I do not assert myself more is because first the ones that I'd be speaking to are children, 17 and under. And secondly I love letters to crushes too much to stupe to that level of immaturity. I was verily tried but held steadfast.
This is also what I feel for you as well. I hope you don't mind a repeat of what I said before on the site.
I am starting to have a more clearer perspective of what is going on. Maybe I did not see things quite right from your view point. I am trying to do so.
In our exchanges I think that we are starting to tentatively become friends. So fragile that it is I do not want to rush it and destroy such a beautiful thing. But I am loving this feeling that is growing inside. Wanting to be someones friend more than a lover is something that I have never had the pleasure of experiencing with anyone and I want to with you and no one else.
Thank you.
I hope that you're having a great night and have sweet dreams. I know that I am going to go to bed so much happier, and wake up with a true smile on my face.
p.s. I love you
Tonight I did not fall in love with you because you made me laugh. I fell in love with you because of the kind words you spoke to me. The words of reassurance of that it will all be okay, somehow. You give me hope and strength. And you give me hope that good guys still exist out in there in the world.
What you did for me and others tonight I don't know if there will ever be a way to pay you back. I have struggled a lot with being bullied all my life, due to various situations. I think that you were as well. And you just got sick of it. The only reason that I do not assert myself more is because first the ones that I'd be speaking to are children, 17 and under. And secondly I love letters to crushes too much to stupe to that level of immaturity. I was verily tried but held steadfast.
This is also what I feel for you as well. I hope you don't mind a repeat of what I said before on the site.
I am starting to have a more clearer perspective of what is going on. Maybe I did not see things quite right from your view point. I am trying to do so.
In our exchanges I think that we are starting to tentatively become friends. So fragile that it is I do not want to rush it and destroy such a beautiful thing. But I am loving this feeling that is growing inside. Wanting to be someones friend more than a lover is something that I have never had the pleasure of experiencing with anyone and I want to with you and no one else.
Thank you.
I hope that you're having a great night and have sweet dreams. I know that I am going to go to bed so much happier, and wake up with a true smile on my face.
p.s. I love you
Friday, April 18, 2014
Dear Seth,
I have a lot on my mind and need to get it out.
Things have become a little complicated to the point that there might be things I will say in the near future that either set me free or hurt the both of us and there would never be a chance at a future. I know that if I do not do this though I will always feel like a caged bird. And that I will refuse to do to myself. I deserve better than that.
Whatever happens please understand that I love you so much, so very much. Always have and always will.
p.s. I love you
I have a lot on my mind and need to get it out.
Things have become a little complicated to the point that there might be things I will say in the near future that either set me free or hurt the both of us and there would never be a chance at a future. I know that if I do not do this though I will always feel like a caged bird. And that I will refuse to do to myself. I deserve better than that.
Whatever happens please understand that I love you so much, so very much. Always have and always will.
p.s. I love you
Wednesday, April 16, 2014
Dear Seth,
Tonight I am really sad. What went down yesterday is making me hurt. I am almost in tears all the time, even now. People actually hate me for what was done. Fucking why? I do not understand why they bullied and harassed people like that. And now they are doing it to me, sending pm's and kik. I cannot even read them yet.
I am not going to let them tear down anyone like that. Banning them was a good call. Thanks for coming in and rescuing me. But I will tell you that smoke is one of the main instagators. She is always putting down people for every little thing. And I am the one that has to hear others complain about her. So fucking what that she is messed up in all kinds of ways, we all are. But it does not give them free reign to do what they please. I do not feel that sorey for her. And what are you talking about respect for her? God, please tell me that you are not that guilable. She has pulled the wool over a lot of peoples eyes. Do not do this dude.
When and if you read this know that tonight that I am seriously considering leaving ltc. I love you so very much, Seth but I am tired of being this sad. This is not me. I have been there through a lot of crap, and I mean a lot. I have worked tirelessly, most days from the time I wake up to the time I go to bed, on that beautiful site of yours. Now I am just so mentally drained. I want to stay so badly but I will not if this continues, even though others need guidance so desperately and I love them like my own.
Hopefully I will get a great nights sleep after getting to bed at like 5 am and waking up at almost 8 this morning. Yeah that is how much of a peachy time I have had. Total bullshit. And maybe I will have a clearer head and a sense of what direction to take.
Goodnight and sweet dreams.
p.s. I love you
Tonight I am really sad. What went down yesterday is making me hurt. I am almost in tears all the time, even now. People actually hate me for what was done. Fucking why? I do not understand why they bullied and harassed people like that. And now they are doing it to me, sending pm's and kik. I cannot even read them yet.
I am not going to let them tear down anyone like that. Banning them was a good call. Thanks for coming in and rescuing me. But I will tell you that smoke is one of the main instagators. She is always putting down people for every little thing. And I am the one that has to hear others complain about her. So fucking what that she is messed up in all kinds of ways, we all are. But it does not give them free reign to do what they please. I do not feel that sorey for her. And what are you talking about respect for her? God, please tell me that you are not that guilable. She has pulled the wool over a lot of peoples eyes. Do not do this dude.
When and if you read this know that tonight that I am seriously considering leaving ltc. I love you so very much, Seth but I am tired of being this sad. This is not me. I have been there through a lot of crap, and I mean a lot. I have worked tirelessly, most days from the time I wake up to the time I go to bed, on that beautiful site of yours. Now I am just so mentally drained. I want to stay so badly but I will not if this continues, even though others need guidance so desperately and I love them like my own.
Hopefully I will get a great nights sleep after getting to bed at like 5 am and waking up at almost 8 this morning. Yeah that is how much of a peachy time I have had. Total bullshit. And maybe I will have a clearer head and a sense of what direction to take.
Goodnight and sweet dreams.
p.s. I love you
Tuesday, April 15, 2014
Dear Seth,
You are sincerely the love of my life. I will never be able to forget such an awesome being as you. The smiles, the laughter, the overwhelming urge to protect and love you unconditionally, the endless miles miles traveled just for a chance to see heaven on earth, the chance meeting your father the last minutes I was in Burlingame back in March of last year, the out right pain and tears shed has been worth it. I hope you know that I really do love you with all of my heart.
p.s I love you
You are sincerely the love of my life. I will never be able to forget such an awesome being as you. The smiles, the laughter, the overwhelming urge to protect and love you unconditionally, the endless miles miles traveled just for a chance to see heaven on earth, the chance meeting your father the last minutes I was in Burlingame back in March of last year, the out right pain and tears shed has been worth it. I hope you know that I really do love you with all of my heart.
p.s I love you
Dear Seth,
Tonight looking up at the eclipsed blood moon was amazing. Sadly it's a little hazy so I couldn't see the color, but I know it's there just the same.
I don't know if it will be one of the last I look at so I tried to make it as memorable as possible.
My health really sucks right now. Today my Kim got to see another side of what is going on. My left arm was a pale yellow color.
Right now I am so very scared. I don't want to be alone. I feel like crying but I know that won't accomplish anything. So I just deal when these episodes come.
Anyways you have been in chat all day long, so have I. And at times we were alone, just the two of us. I don't know if you were actually there or that chat is jacked and didn't log you out. Whatever the case may be I didn't and don't feel alone. I want to try and keep in there for as long as my eyes will permit me. So I am trying my best to talk to sweet Puffin about her chem mid terms and fluffies. LOL.
Also what you have seen in chat is the real me, right along with what I write to you every night these past two weeks. Those words have been the most honest I have been with myself. I hope that you don't mind.
Well I'm going back to chat with you and Puffin for now. I hope that you had an awesome day and that I didn't bug you too much with that stuff from earlier.
Goodnight and hope you have the sweetest of dreams.
p.s. I love you
Tonight looking up at the eclipsed blood moon was amazing. Sadly it's a little hazy so I couldn't see the color, but I know it's there just the same.
I don't know if it will be one of the last I look at so I tried to make it as memorable as possible.
My health really sucks right now. Today my Kim got to see another side of what is going on. My left arm was a pale yellow color.
Right now I am so very scared. I don't want to be alone. I feel like crying but I know that won't accomplish anything. So I just deal when these episodes come.
Anyways you have been in chat all day long, so have I. And at times we were alone, just the two of us. I don't know if you were actually there or that chat is jacked and didn't log you out. Whatever the case may be I didn't and don't feel alone. I want to try and keep in there for as long as my eyes will permit me. So I am trying my best to talk to sweet Puffin about her chem mid terms and fluffies. LOL.
Also what you have seen in chat is the real me, right along with what I write to you every night these past two weeks. Those words have been the most honest I have been with myself. I hope that you don't mind.
Well I'm going back to chat with you and Puffin for now. I hope that you had an awesome day and that I didn't bug you too much with that stuff from earlier.
Goodnight and hope you have the sweetest of dreams.
p.s. I love you
Monday, April 14, 2014
Friday, April 4, 2014
Dear Seth,
There is a thunderstorm brewing over the hills. Excitement is building in me. Hail falling brings me joy like a little kid experiencing something they have never seen before. Hearing thunder roar makes my hair stand up on end from the static. Seeing the lightening fills me with such wonder that something so simple could just happen. And that is how you make me feel too, like a thunderstorm
In other news I'll be downtown tonight playing pool with Kim at Hannah's and roaming around. I so desperately wish you were there. I know I'll end up seeing your face in every guy I look at always wondering....
p.s. I love you
There is a thunderstorm brewing over the hills. Excitement is building in me. Hail falling brings me joy like a little kid experiencing something they have never seen before. Hearing thunder roar makes my hair stand up on end from the static. Seeing the lightening fills me with such wonder that something so simple could just happen. And that is how you make me feel too, like a thunderstorm
In other news I'll be downtown tonight playing pool with Kim at Hannah's and roaming around. I so desperately wish you were there. I know I'll end up seeing your face in every guy I look at always wondering....
p.s. I love you
Thursday, April 3, 2014
Dear Seth,
Sometimes I get the urge to just let it all out and tell you how I feel, like truly tell you how I feel. Like without you saying anything back, and just let it sink in for a moment. But then self doubt sets in and nothing is accomplished. All that is there is pages and pages written that you might never get the pleasure of reading.
Tbh I hate feeling like this, I hate feeling so damned scared, like I am all the characters in The Wizard of Oz mixed into one messed up oddity; a side show freak that everyone laughs at and points to.
If I thought that you would just hear me out, just this once, I would go for it, no holds barred.
And all that I would ever want hear as a response would be: "Wow I can't believe that someone actually cares enough about me as a human being to say such beautiful things." I think that saying is all I have ever wanted to hear from you, no buts. Just that you know that someone really does love you for all that you are.
It would make me so freaking happy to be able to accomplish this.
So tonight before I lay my weary head, I will pray that someday I'll have the courage to do just what I say.
Goodnight and sweet dreams.
p.s I love you
p.s.s. You are "trucking" awesome.
Sometimes I get the urge to just let it all out and tell you how I feel, like truly tell you how I feel. Like without you saying anything back, and just let it sink in for a moment. But then self doubt sets in and nothing is accomplished. All that is there is pages and pages written that you might never get the pleasure of reading.
Tbh I hate feeling like this, I hate feeling so damned scared, like I am all the characters in The Wizard of Oz mixed into one messed up oddity; a side show freak that everyone laughs at and points to.
If I thought that you would just hear me out, just this once, I would go for it, no holds barred.
And all that I would ever want hear as a response would be: "Wow I can't believe that someone actually cares enough about me as a human being to say such beautiful things." I think that saying is all I have ever wanted to hear from you, no buts. Just that you know that someone really does love you for all that you are.
It would make me so freaking happy to be able to accomplish this.
So tonight before I lay my weary head, I will pray that someday I'll have the courage to do just what I say.
Goodnight and sweet dreams.
p.s I love you
p.s.s. You are "trucking" awesome.
Tuesday, April 1, 2014
Dear Seth,
I know it's been a long time since I have written to you here. Things have not been as good as I thought. And I am sorry for that. One day I may share what I have experienced. But I am not to that point, yet.
Never a day has gone by where I have not thought of you. Oh hell almost everything I do reminds me of you. I swear that I am not like that at all, promise.
Well tonight, going through old comments, I see a pattern with you. You talk to me more than anyone else. Granted our past, and yeah I so fucking dare you to deny it, we have one. has been at best tentative. To best sum it up, a balance between good and evil. And what I see is that you do care. And a lot of me is jumping up and down with joy. You make me smile. You make me so damn happy.
So I have started a Facebook page with some letters that I have written to you. I think that it will be my lasting legacy. When I have caught up I think I will share it with you here.
Anyways I hope that you are having a great night and sleep well. Goodnight and sweet dreams, seth.
p.s. I love you
I know it's been a long time since I have written to you here. Things have not been as good as I thought. And I am sorry for that. One day I may share what I have experienced. But I am not to that point, yet.
Never a day has gone by where I have not thought of you. Oh hell almost everything I do reminds me of you. I swear that I am not like that at all, promise.
Well tonight, going through old comments, I see a pattern with you. You talk to me more than anyone else. Granted our past, and yeah I so fucking dare you to deny it, we have one. has been at best tentative. To best sum it up, a balance between good and evil. And what I see is that you do care. And a lot of me is jumping up and down with joy. You make me smile. You make me so damn happy.
So I have started a Facebook page with some letters that I have written to you. I think that it will be my lasting legacy. When I have caught up I think I will share it with you here.
Anyways I hope that you are having a great night and sleep well. Goodnight and sweet dreams, seth.
p.s. I love you
Saturday, March 1, 2014
Dear Seth,
I'm at The Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf at 4th and Market. It's still the same homey place that I love so much.
So yesterday I had to go into the hospital. It was really bad this time. I thought at one point I was seriously going to die. They came back with inconclusive tests. The only thing that came back abnormal was my white blood count was way high. I almost sent you an email about it.
I'm so scared right now. Look it up to know what that means. I don't think that I could handle having that. It would be just too much.
Anyways I hope that you're having a great day. I love the rain, don't you? I'm smiling right now at just the thought of it.
p.s. I love you
I'm at The Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf at 4th and Market. It's still the same homey place that I love so much.
So yesterday I had to go into the hospital. It was really bad this time. I thought at one point I was seriously going to die. They came back with inconclusive tests. The only thing that came back abnormal was my white blood count was way high. I almost sent you an email about it.
I'm so scared right now. Look it up to know what that means. I don't think that I could handle having that. It would be just too much.
Anyways I hope that you're having a great day. I love the rain, don't you? I'm smiling right now at just the thought of it.
p.s. I love you
Friday, February 28, 2014
Dear Seth,
So there is this park that I found in the middle of The Gateway that I just fell in love with. I'd love to see you there sometime. And here is the ever awesome description.
I just got back from what could only be considered a dream that was actually a reality.
I found this hill in the middle of the bustling city. I sat on top of it in a field full of miniature daisies. The sun warming my skin to the point of wanting to close my sleep heavy eyes.
I watched life go on all around me. A cute old Asian man performing his tai chi. A couple sitting by the fountain eating noodles and knees almost touching the others. A little Benji dog chasing pigeons around and around and around. I think that both enjoyed it. I could not stop laughing. And then there was a rusted out looking heart sculpture off to my left with no one sitting around it, looking lonely.
Maybe the reason why I love you tonight, the most, is because you give me so much peace. You are like the constant anchor in my crazy world, the one thing that I know for sure will always be there. You are my red
string in life.
And when I am here at this park I feel you here. I feel happier. I feel like I am home. And to be honest, I do not feel so sick. So I plan to come back here every day because I crave feeling like this.
p.s. I love you
So there is this park that I found in the middle of The Gateway that I just fell in love with. I'd love to see you there sometime. And here is the ever awesome description.
I just got back from what could only be considered a dream that was actually a reality.
I found this hill in the middle of the bustling city. I sat on top of it in a field full of miniature daisies. The sun warming my skin to the point of wanting to close my sleep heavy eyes.
I watched life go on all around me. A cute old Asian man performing his tai chi. A couple sitting by the fountain eating noodles and knees almost touching the others. A little Benji dog chasing pigeons around and around and around. I think that both enjoyed it. I could not stop laughing. And then there was a rusted out looking heart sculpture off to my left with no one sitting around it, looking lonely.
Maybe the reason why I love you tonight, the most, is because you give me so much peace. You are like the constant anchor in my crazy world, the one thing that I know for sure will always be there. You are my red
string in life.
And when I am here at this park I feel you here. I feel happier. I feel like I am home. And to be honest, I do not feel so sick. So I plan to come back here every day because I crave feeling like this.
p.s. I love you
Thursday, February 27, 2014
Wednesday, February 26, 2014
Dear Seth,
Sorry for such a short letter but I'm like hella tired right now. I've been up like 36 hours. It sucks. But there is a king sized bed waiting for me, with 4 pillows!!!
So I know that it might not be possible but I'd love to see you tomorrow. I'll be at The Gateway writing that perfect letter that Will wrote to Emma in the movie Waiting for Forever. Rain or shine I'll be there. It might be one of my last chances to do something like this. I'd beg for you to be there but I can't do that anymore.
I'm really loving the rain. I've missed it. It has such a calming effect too.
I hope that you're having a good night and that all is well with you.
Goodnight and sweet dreams.
p.s. I love you
Sorry for such a short letter but I'm like hella tired right now. I've been up like 36 hours. It sucks. But there is a king sized bed waiting for me, with 4 pillows!!!
So I know that it might not be possible but I'd love to see you tomorrow. I'll be at The Gateway writing that perfect letter that Will wrote to Emma in the movie Waiting for Forever. Rain or shine I'll be there. It might be one of my last chances to do something like this. I'd beg for you to be there but I can't do that anymore.
I'm really loving the rain. I've missed it. It has such a calming effect too.
I hope that you're having a good night and that all is well with you.
Goodnight and sweet dreams.
p.s. I love you
Monday, February 24, 2014
Dear Seth,
For 5 whole seconds I held your attention. Though it left me shaking (I still am), it was worth the email that might leave me sick tonight.
So tomorrow my journey starts. I'll be slowly snaking my towards California, in hopes that the doctors there will be able to help me. Because if what the doctor here said what I have is true, then time is of the utmost importance. And without that help I'm a ticking time bomb and I will die without help. I don't want to die, I want to live. But living like this is no life at all.
If there was ever a chance, I do need to see you. God, so badly too. But I just don't know if my body, literally, could handle it. And that's what really sucks. Pure fucking misery. Maybe in the pouring rain that's predicted for Wednesday?
Anyways I hope that you're having a great day. Now it's time for me to get packing to leave.
p.s. I love you
For 5 whole seconds I held your attention. Though it left me shaking (I still am), it was worth the email that might leave me sick tonight.
So tomorrow my journey starts. I'll be slowly snaking my towards California, in hopes that the doctors there will be able to help me. Because if what the doctor here said what I have is true, then time is of the utmost importance. And without that help I'm a ticking time bomb and I will die without help. I don't want to die, I want to live. But living like this is no life at all.
If there was ever a chance, I do need to see you. God, so badly too. But I just don't know if my body, literally, could handle it. And that's what really sucks. Pure fucking misery. Maybe in the pouring rain that's predicted for Wednesday?
Anyways I hope that you're having a great day. Now it's time for me to get packing to leave.
p.s. I love you
Thursday, February 20, 2014
Dear Seth,
Well it's been one hell of a hard ass day for me. I'm so beyond exhausted right now from all the crying I have done. *sniffs* The doctors finally diagnosed me. It isn't good if it's not treated in time. They said something about having pheochromocytomy. And what that means is I have a tumor on at least my kidney if not other places. And that there is too much adrenaline coursing through me. It is affecting my blood pressure among other things.
So on Tuesday I leave for San Francisco to get more testing and treatment done. God how I would love to see you. But what fucking tears me up the most is that seeing you just might literally kill me. So all I have or might ever have is writing you letters that will come to pass, for now. But to be honest I really do need to see you. I have to know....
So I have a plan and I hope it all works out.
I hope that you had a great day. The sunset tonight there looked beautiful. I can't wait to be there to see it too.
Goodnight and sweet dreams.
p.s. I love you
Well it's been one hell of a hard ass day for me. I'm so beyond exhausted right now from all the crying I have done. *sniffs* The doctors finally diagnosed me. It isn't good if it's not treated in time. They said something about having pheochromocytomy. And what that means is I have a tumor on at least my kidney if not other places. And that there is too much adrenaline coursing through me. It is affecting my blood pressure among other things.
So on Tuesday I leave for San Francisco to get more testing and treatment done. God how I would love to see you. But what fucking tears me up the most is that seeing you just might literally kill me. So all I have or might ever have is writing you letters that will come to pass, for now. But to be honest I really do need to see you. I have to know....
So I have a plan and I hope it all works out.
I hope that you had a great day. The sunset tonight there looked beautiful. I can't wait to be there to see it too.
Goodnight and sweet dreams.
p.s. I love you
Monday, February 17, 2014
Dear Seth,
Maybe I'm digging myself a bigger hole. And right now I don't honestly care, by posting this. I'm sure you'll be curious enough to see this by going on my public profile.
I miss talking to you. Yeah I know you have a thing, or whatever it is.
I honestly think that after 2 fucking years of loving you...... shit I'm sorry. My mind is like all over the place. All I ever wanted from you is some kind of acceptance. Maybe even something like you really get what I'm going through. LOL I really have to laugh because before you it was never like this at all.
Well I'll let you get some sleep or peace right now. I hope that you have a really good night.
p.s. I love you
Maybe I'm digging myself a bigger hole. And right now I don't honestly care, by posting this. I'm sure you'll be curious enough to see this by going on my public profile.
I miss talking to you. Yeah I know you have a thing, or whatever it is.
I honestly think that after 2 fucking years of loving you...... shit I'm sorry. My mind is like all over the place. All I ever wanted from you is some kind of acceptance. Maybe even something like you really get what I'm going through. LOL I really have to laugh because before you it was never like this at all.
Well I'll let you get some sleep or peace right now. I hope that you have a really good night.
p.s. I love you
Friday, February 14, 2014
Dear Seth,
Happy Valentine's Day! I really hope that you had a great one. I think that mine was a lot better than last years. Dealing with Marc's death was a real blow to me. And even more so that his service was the day before Valentine's Day.
But you somehow just give me a little spark of hope that something better out there is waiting for me. And that love just isn't meant to be celebrated on one day in particular but 365 days a year, or 366 on a leap year :P. Love is meant to be in your heart and how you express it, not what tangible items you give to a person.
While flowers are nice, chocolate a little better they both soon disappear. But the everyday things you do tend to stay with a person for life. A hug, a smile, hand holding, talking for hours on end, a hug or just being there for them. That, to me, is what I love the most and how I like to express my feeling to the ones I love. Those are things that memories are made of.
p.s. I love you
Happy Valentine's Day! I really hope that you had a great one. I think that mine was a lot better than last years. Dealing with Marc's death was a real blow to me. And even more so that his service was the day before Valentine's Day.
But you somehow just give me a little spark of hope that something better out there is waiting for me. And that love just isn't meant to be celebrated on one day in particular but 365 days a year, or 366 on a leap year :P. Love is meant to be in your heart and how you express it, not what tangible items you give to a person.
While flowers are nice, chocolate a little better they both soon disappear. But the everyday things you do tend to stay with a person for life. A hug, a smile, hand holding, talking for hours on end, a hug or just being there for them. That, to me, is what I love the most and how I like to express my feeling to the ones I love. Those are things that memories are made of.
p.s. I love you
Sunday, February 9, 2014
Dear Seth,
You're just evil. Not in the bad way but... So I go out with Kim tonight to celebrate. And all that I see is your freaking face. What the hell dude? Oh the damn frustration.
Well I hope that you had a great night and that you have sweet dreams. I can't wait for the project that we are working on. So excited.
p.s. I love you
You're just evil. Not in the bad way but... So I go out with Kim tonight to celebrate. And all that I see is your freaking face. What the hell dude? Oh the damn frustration.
Well I hope that you had a great night and that you have sweet dreams. I can't wait for the project that we are working on. So excited.
p.s. I love you
Saturday, February 8, 2014
Dear Seth,
Well I think that I can die of total embarrassment now. I checked my public page for Google+ and it seems that everyone can see what I post. I thought that it was a separate thing. Oh well.
So though maybe you didn't mean for it to come out today, that thing you posted, it seriously made my day. I'm so happy and crying at the same time. Thank you soooo much.
I hope that your day is going well and that all is peachy with you. Loving the rain, eh? ;) Don't forget to smile today.
p.s. I love you
Well I think that I can die of total embarrassment now. I checked my public page for Google+ and it seems that everyone can see what I post. I thought that it was a separate thing. Oh well.
So though maybe you didn't mean for it to come out today, that thing you posted, it seriously made my day. I'm so happy and crying at the same time. Thank you soooo much.
I hope that your day is going well and that all is peachy with you. Loving the rain, eh? ;) Don't forget to smile today.
p.s. I love you
Tuesday, February 4, 2014
Monday, February 3, 2014
Dear Seth,
And here I thought that I was sort of doing better. Hell I should have known. I'm so tired, it's almost 3:30 in the morning and I'm throwing up. Everything inside of me aches. My eyes, my chest (from the convulsions), my stomach, my arms, my head feels like it's swimming.
I'm so scared to go to sleep. I want to wake up in the morning. I want just one more chance to see you, to hear your voice, to fully explain myself. Fuck this. It's honestly almost too much for me to handle. But I keep going, in part, because of you.
That's all I have for now. Sorry.
p.s. I love you
And here I thought that I was sort of doing better. Hell I should have known. I'm so tired, it's almost 3:30 in the morning and I'm throwing up. Everything inside of me aches. My eyes, my chest (from the convulsions), my stomach, my arms, my head feels like it's swimming.
I'm so scared to go to sleep. I want to wake up in the morning. I want just one more chance to see you, to hear your voice, to fully explain myself. Fuck this. It's honestly almost too much for me to handle. But I keep going, in part, because of you.
That's all I have for now. Sorry.
p.s. I love you
I for You- The All American Rejects
Dear Seth,
Stupid me drank a soda and now I can't sleep :/ And I'm listening to another of my favorite songs, I for You by The All American Rejects. These lyrics are some of what I have always wanted to say to you, some I already have.
Say the words I cannot say
Say them on another day
Fragile words like these will cut your tongue
Was I good enough?
Was I bad enough?
When I wanted more, yeah, you had enough
But nobody's gonna try for you
Nobody's gonna do like I for you
And every slow-lit cigarette that nervous hands can barely get the courage
I could always feel your eyes
And those dresses you made look like gowns
You're a sinner but the devil even turned you down
'Cause nobody's gonna try for you
Nobody's gonna do like I for you
And nobody's gonna try for you
And nobody's gonna lie for you
And nobody's gonna do like I for you
Hold me like you never could
I'll hold you like I said I would
Air or light won't breathe nor shine between
With your feather lips, yeah you fly away
Well I hope they come back down someday
'Cause nobody's gonna try for you
Nobody's gonna do like I for you
Somebody's getting by for you
I don't bend, I just break in two
Somebody like me I'd die for you
p.s. I love you
Stupid me drank a soda and now I can't sleep :/ And I'm listening to another of my favorite songs, I for You by The All American Rejects. These lyrics are some of what I have always wanted to say to you, some I already have.
Say the words I cannot say
Say them on another day
Fragile words like these will cut your tongue
Was I good enough?
Was I bad enough?
When I wanted more, yeah, you had enough
But nobody's gonna try for you
Nobody's gonna do like I for you
And every slow-lit cigarette that nervous hands can barely get the courage
I could always feel your eyes
And those dresses you made look like gowns
You're a sinner but the devil even turned you down
'Cause nobody's gonna try for you
Nobody's gonna do like I for you
And nobody's gonna try for you
And nobody's gonna lie for you
And nobody's gonna do like I for you
Hold me like you never could
I'll hold you like I said I would
Air or light won't breathe nor shine between
With your feather lips, yeah you fly away
Well I hope they come back down someday
'Cause nobody's gonna try for you
Nobody's gonna do like I for you
Somebody's getting by for you
I don't bend, I just break in two
Somebody like me I'd die for you
p.s. I love you
Sunday, February 2, 2014
Dear Seth,
Today has been a little better. I'm happy that you have been responding to my comments and concerns so rapidly. It really does mean a lot.
And there was one piece of a comment that you made, which I won't say here, that had me in happy tears. For the longest time I have been waiting to hear that. Maybe that is all I needed to see from you, Seth. I sincerely thank you for it as well.
I hope that you had a great day, compared to mine. Sadly watching the Broncos lose the Superbowl so badly, hurt. Oh well. But you would have had a great laugh watching how I interacted with the t.v. at the cafe amongst the boys, well all two of them :P
Goodnight and sweet dreams.
p.s. I love you
Today has been a little better. I'm happy that you have been responding to my comments and concerns so rapidly. It really does mean a lot.
And there was one piece of a comment that you made, which I won't say here, that had me in happy tears. For the longest time I have been waiting to hear that. Maybe that is all I needed to see from you, Seth. I sincerely thank you for it as well.
I hope that you had a great day, compared to mine. Sadly watching the Broncos lose the Superbowl so badly, hurt. Oh well. But you would have had a great laugh watching how I interacted with the t.v. at the cafe amongst the boys, well all two of them :P
Goodnight and sweet dreams.
p.s. I love you
Dear Seth,
I'm always going to Cafe Capri for this reason. Never have I liked a video and the words (but in a somewhat different situation) so much before in my life. It's happened before and I know it will happen again. I just wish it was with you.
I hope that you're having a great day and that all is well. Can't wait for the next few weeks when I'll be in California too.
p.s. I love you
I'm always going to Cafe Capri for this reason. Never have I liked a video and the words (but in a somewhat different situation) so much before in my life. It's happened before and I know it will happen again. I just wish it was with you.
I hope that you're having a great day and that all is well. Can't wait for the next few weeks when I'll be in California too.
p.s. I love you
Saturday, February 1, 2014
Dear Seth,
I'm sorry that it's been so long since I have written to you here. Your site keeps me busy.... that and my mom. Thankfully she is doing so much better. It feels more normal now. Granted there are still things that are keeping her from being herself but I think that I, along with others, have done a damn amazing job in aiding her progression.
I can't believe it's February already! There is so much that I want and need to accomplish this month. I pray that I am able to do it all. Well what I have planned. ;)
So anyways last night was a bad night for me. Actually one of the worst I have ever had, enough to call an ambulance. And to be honest I am scared of what is going on with me. All I want to really know is why?
I have tried for so long. A part of me just wants to give up, at times. But then the image I have of you pops up in my mind and I can't. Also the words of comfort you have given me are beyond compare. It drives me to want to keep going on. In part, you are my savior.
p.s. I love you
I'm sorry that it's been so long since I have written to you here. Your site keeps me busy.... that and my mom. Thankfully she is doing so much better. It feels more normal now. Granted there are still things that are keeping her from being herself but I think that I, along with others, have done a damn amazing job in aiding her progression.
I can't believe it's February already! There is so much that I want and need to accomplish this month. I pray that I am able to do it all. Well what I have planned. ;)
So anyways last night was a bad night for me. Actually one of the worst I have ever had, enough to call an ambulance. And to be honest I am scared of what is going on with me. All I want to really know is why?
I have tried for so long. A part of me just wants to give up, at times. But then the image I have of you pops up in my mind and I can't. Also the words of comfort you have given me are beyond compare. It drives me to want to keep going on. In part, you are my savior.
p.s. I love you
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