Dear Seth,
I'm glad you're online a little more now. Maybe you'll come around soon? I hate worrying about you so much. It's damn hard. You are seriously my life. And I'm going to fight for you every step of the way. Deal with it Mr!
But on a lighter note, I wonder if you've figured out our names yet. It is epic. I'm telling you. In the span of 24 hours I have had 4 letters directed at us. I'm proud that I've been able to do something as grand as this. Now you really get to see the other side of me. The one that I really want you to know. It's me. But I do hate deceiving everyone like this. I've only told one ( now 2 ) other person who I am. Other than that I'll never tell another living soul. Not unless you want to know then ok.
( an hour later ) Dear god I've figured you out ( the name thing ). Ok I get it. I really do. And I think that you've figured me out. I hope that you don't mind me doing it like this. I love you like no tomorrow and only wish that I knew what to do for you.
Take care and good night. Sweet dreams Seth.
p.s. I love you
Sunday, September 30, 2012
Saturday, September 29, 2012
Dear Seth,
I see that today was a little better in a way for you and that I didn't have to open a can of whup ass and call your butt. I'm glad. Though I wish you would at least email me or text. It doesn't have to be a phone call. Believe me I'm shy too.
People seem to take to our fake names better than when I posted with our real ones. Have you figured it out yet? Well when you do ( fyi all you have to do is really look at when I post a letter and then when an "interesting" one comes up and see that the ip addys are the same) know that that is the real me. Things that I couldn't really post when I used my name. It feels good too.
Please take care Seth. I just wish I knew if you were happy or not, then I think that I could be at peace more with this. I don't like to see you all sad like.
Ok a little confession for me, since probably no one will really read this. Though I'm happy and outgoing on the outside, inside I like to be by myself ( alone ) to think and ponder life. I hate when people bug me about trivial things. But with you I just want to be able to tell you everything. We really are a like in many ways. You just choose to show it more than I.
Well I better stop writing so I can go home and try and get some sleep and hopefully dream of you again tonight.
Good night and sweet dreams Mr. Hayward. I love you with all of my heart and soul. And damn it to fucking hell I wish I was in Charleston right now.
p.s. I love you
I see that today was a little better in a way for you and that I didn't have to open a can of whup ass and call your butt. I'm glad. Though I wish you would at least email me or text. It doesn't have to be a phone call. Believe me I'm shy too.
People seem to take to our fake names better than when I posted with our real ones. Have you figured it out yet? Well when you do ( fyi all you have to do is really look at when I post a letter and then when an "interesting" one comes up and see that the ip addys are the same) know that that is the real me. Things that I couldn't really post when I used my name. It feels good too.
Please take care Seth. I just wish I knew if you were happy or not, then I think that I could be at peace more with this. I don't like to see you all sad like.
Ok a little confession for me, since probably no one will really read this. Though I'm happy and outgoing on the outside, inside I like to be by myself ( alone ) to think and ponder life. I hate when people bug me about trivial things. But with you I just want to be able to tell you everything. We really are a like in many ways. You just choose to show it more than I.
Well I better stop writing so I can go home and try and get some sleep and hopefully dream of you again tonight.
Good night and sweet dreams Mr. Hayward. I love you with all of my heart and soul. And damn it to fucking hell I wish I was in Charleston right now.
p.s. I love you
Friday, September 28, 2012
Dear Seth,
I hope you're out there reading this. Please have a heart and let me know that you're alive? Because if not I'll be forced to call you and that right there, just the thought, scares the shit of out me. I love you and can't let you disappear like a puff of smoke. You some how wormed your way into my life and my heart, body and soul now belong to you.
Today I let all the anger and resentment that my ex husband put on me go. It's such a relief to be able to do that without yelling at him. To tell him that I forgive him but will never forget. I'm smiling because I was able to stand up to my abuser and say what I did without feeling so damn fucking scared.
Tonight I finally can rest easy knowing that at least that part of my life is over for good and that it will never haunt me. But I hope to dream of you once again. I did last night as well but it was foggy and couldn't focus my brain to remember it, sadly.
Please take care of yourself Seth. You are the best thing that has happened to my life in a very long while and I don't want to ever lose you like that. Sleep tight and dream those beautiful dreams I know that are in you.
p.s. I love you
I hope you're out there reading this. Please have a heart and let me know that you're alive? Because if not I'll be forced to call you and that right there, just the thought, scares the shit of out me. I love you and can't let you disappear like a puff of smoke. You some how wormed your way into my life and my heart, body and soul now belong to you.
Today I let all the anger and resentment that my ex husband put on me go. It's such a relief to be able to do that without yelling at him. To tell him that I forgive him but will never forget. I'm smiling because I was able to stand up to my abuser and say what I did without feeling so damn fucking scared.
Tonight I finally can rest easy knowing that at least that part of my life is over for good and that it will never haunt me. But I hope to dream of you once again. I did last night as well but it was foggy and couldn't focus my brain to remember it, sadly.
Please take care of yourself Seth. You are the best thing that has happened to my life in a very long while and I don't want to ever lose you like that. Sleep tight and dream those beautiful dreams I know that are in you.
p.s. I love you
Thursday, September 27, 2012
Good night my love
Dear Seth,
I think that they love the new names that I've given us. I think it's pretty apt too. We are different yet the same in so many ways. There is so much that I want to say to you but........ yet I only put it here or on your website or even on Youtube.
God it's so hard sometimes knowing the things that I know about the people that I've come to love so very much. I would love to share these things with you and hear your voice or even, hell, I'd Skype ( though I'm not a big fan of it ). Sort of self conscious about myself still. But just to let you know I'll always be waiting for that 3 am call. Please, some day soon? Tomorrow is going to be hard enough for me. You'll see.
Take care of yourself Seth. I love you so much and worry now all the time after you said what you said. I am to the point of calling you even though it would scare me shitless to do so.
I hope that you have the sweetest dreams and wake up with a smile on your face. I wish I was there in Charleston right now so bad. Heck I even signed up on Pinerest and pinned a bunch of photos of that beautiful city. Oh I could go on and on but I need sleep.
p.s. I love you
and as I end this night this is what I'm listening to.
I think that they love the new names that I've given us. I think it's pretty apt too. We are different yet the same in so many ways. There is so much that I want to say to you but........ yet I only put it here or on your website or even on Youtube.
God it's so hard sometimes knowing the things that I know about the people that I've come to love so very much. I would love to share these things with you and hear your voice or even, hell, I'd Skype ( though I'm not a big fan of it ). Sort of self conscious about myself still. But just to let you know I'll always be waiting for that 3 am call. Please, some day soon? Tomorrow is going to be hard enough for me. You'll see.
Take care of yourself Seth. I love you so much and worry now all the time after you said what you said. I am to the point of calling you even though it would scare me shitless to do so.
I hope that you have the sweetest dreams and wake up with a smile on your face. I wish I was there in Charleston right now so bad. Heck I even signed up on Pinerest and pinned a bunch of photos of that beautiful city. Oh I could go on and on but I need sleep.
p.s. I love you
and as I end this night this is what I'm listening to.
Eric Hutchinson - Breakdown More
I can't write my words
When I don't have you
I can't sing my song
When my strings won't tune
You won't believe me
You won't believe me crying
I can't walk my path
When I can't say motivated
I can't play my part
When it gets too complicated
You won't believe me
You won't believe me
So you'll never see me
[Chorus]
Give me a reason and I won't breakdown
And if that's all that you've got
You'd better not get caught
I've got more in store
I can't keep my beat
When I don't have you
I can't shake my sins
When you don't come through
How could you leave me
Just when you see me crying
And I can't feel low down
When I don't have legs to stand on
I can't feel low down
When I there ain't no ground to land on
How could you leave me
How could you leave me
Now you'll never see me
[Chorus]
Don't look at me and act like you're just blind
Let's work it out before you change my mind
[Chorus]
Ingrid Michaelson - Corner of Your Heart.
It's yet another musical day for me. And this is my new favorite song that reminds me of you. Love it. And love you Seth Hayward.
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
U.F.O. - Coldplay
Dear Seth,
Right now I miss just talking to you ( actually just emailing you ). Please don't shut everyone out of your life like this. There are a lot of people that love you so much. Dear god I can't lose you like I did Marc. That would kill me. Please step out of your shell and call me, I'm begging. I want to know that you're ok. You know that it took a lot of balls to email you that last letter when I told you off? I'm very shy too. I mean really shy but at least I'm trying. I don't know what else to do, you are my life Seth. I don't care if it's 3 am, call me you have my number. Even if you don't make a sound and I hear nothing over the line.
Please take care and I hope you do have sweet dreams tonight. I wish I was there right now to help but this is all that I can do at the moment. And don't forget to smile. Oh yeah thanks for turning me on to Coldplay. Love them. U.F.O is my favorite off their new album.
p.s. I love you
Right now I miss just talking to you ( actually just emailing you ). Please don't shut everyone out of your life like this. There are a lot of people that love you so much. Dear god I can't lose you like I did Marc. That would kill me. Please step out of your shell and call me, I'm begging. I want to know that you're ok. You know that it took a lot of balls to email you that last letter when I told you off? I'm very shy too. I mean really shy but at least I'm trying. I don't know what else to do, you are my life Seth. I don't care if it's 3 am, call me you have my number. Even if you don't make a sound and I hear nothing over the line.
Please take care and I hope you do have sweet dreams tonight. I wish I was there right now to help but this is all that I can do at the moment. And don't forget to smile. Oh yeah thanks for turning me on to Coldplay. Love them. U.F.O is my favorite off their new album.
p.s. I love you
Monday, September 24, 2012
Dear Seth,
I think that I'm only going to write you here now. It seems better. Today was actually a fucking nightmare. Never have I wanted to talk to you more than today. But I feel like I'm bugging you all the time so it was just a quick email.
God how I wanted to put p.s I love you so bad. It felt so fucking natural. Like it should be there but I didn't.
What you've told me has put me into a spin. And it hurts. It's like a blow to the stomach. I wish that you would get that I'm not in love with you just because of who you are. And I wish so damn much about everything. But I'm not giving hope. Even if I'm an old lady I will always love you. I will never have another partner because you are the last person that I'll love. My heart will always be yours.
Ok I'm going to let you go for now. I wonder if you honestly read my blog? That would be cool and interesting to say the least.
Good night and sweet dreams. Oh lol before I go please one last request. Don't get up at fucking 5 am ish your time again. Cause for the past 2 freaking nights/early mornings I have woke up at 3 am. Ugh and I mean out of a deep sleep too.
p.s. I love you
I think that I'm only going to write you here now. It seems better. Today was actually a fucking nightmare. Never have I wanted to talk to you more than today. But I feel like I'm bugging you all the time so it was just a quick email.
God how I wanted to put p.s I love you so bad. It felt so fucking natural. Like it should be there but I didn't.
What you've told me has put me into a spin. And it hurts. It's like a blow to the stomach. I wish that you would get that I'm not in love with you just because of who you are. And I wish so damn much about everything. But I'm not giving hope. Even if I'm an old lady I will always love you. I will never have another partner because you are the last person that I'll love. My heart will always be yours.
Ok I'm going to let you go for now. I wonder if you honestly read my blog? That would be cool and interesting to say the least.
Good night and sweet dreams. Oh lol before I go please one last request. Don't get up at fucking 5 am ish your time again. Cause for the past 2 freaking nights/early mornings I have woke up at 3 am. Ugh and I mean out of a deep sleep too.
p.s. I love you
Sunday, September 23, 2012
SafteySuit - Life Left To Go
I guess I'm in a real musical mood than ever. Love, love, love this song. And it makes me just want to give Seth a hug.
Sometimes the edge serves
As more than a friend
Than you thought it would be
And the pages you write
In your journal each night
Are your only release
And the mask you put on
It's like words in a song
But there's more to be seen
And the failures you see
Don't seem failures to me here at all
Oh
I'm begging you no
There's more life left to go
Oh
I'm begging you please
Cause I don't want you to leave
Alone as you walk
Through a crowd and its awkward
Like nobody sees
And you can't help but wonder
Would anyone come after you
If you'd leave
So a pain grows inside
And a fear comes alive
Like you'll never be free
But there's no pain you feel
That I know love can't heal here at all
Oh
I'm begging you no
There's more life left to go
Oh
I'm begging you please
Cause I don't want you to leave me
To leave me here on my own
There's nothing to run from
Oh
There's nothing but fear inside you
Oh
I just hope I can find you
And tell you that I know you'll smile again
Oh
I'm begging you no
There's more life left to go
Oh
I'm begging you please
Cause I don't want you to leave
As more than a friend
Than you thought it would be
And the pages you write
In your journal each night
Are your only release
And the mask you put on
It's like words in a song
But there's more to be seen
And the failures you see
Don't seem failures to me here at all
Oh
I'm begging you no
There's more life left to go
Oh
I'm begging you please
Cause I don't want you to leave
Alone as you walk
Through a crowd and its awkward
Like nobody sees
And you can't help but wonder
Would anyone come after you
If you'd leave
So a pain grows inside
And a fear comes alive
Like you'll never be free
But there's no pain you feel
That I know love can't heal here at all
Oh
I'm begging you no
There's more life left to go
Oh
I'm begging you please
Cause I don't want you to leave me
To leave me here on my own
There's nothing to run from
Oh
There's nothing but fear inside you
Oh
I just hope I can find you
And tell you that I know you'll smile again
Oh
I'm begging you no
There's more life left to go
Oh
I'm begging you please
Cause I don't want you to leave
Saturday, September 22, 2012
Tonight I have hope. I'm smiling a little and crying. I just wish there was something that I could do for you. I will wait forever if that's what it takes. I didn't just sign up for this for the fun of it. Just to say that oooh I like him. Hell no dude.
Anyways I have to try and get some sleep. God more than anything I would love to dream of you tonight. The one dream I did have in the past week was of you being so sad. I'd take a sex dream over that any day.
Good night and sweet dreams.
p.s. I love you so so very much.
Anyways I have to try and get some sleep. God more than anything I would love to dream of you tonight. The one dream I did have in the past week was of you being so sad. I'd take a sex dream over that any day.
Good night and sweet dreams.
p.s. I love you so so very much.
Ed Sheeran - Lego House ( acoustic )
Dear Seth,
It seems like every day I find a new song that has great meaning to me and reminds me of you so much. And this is one of them.
p.s. I love you
I'm gonna pick up the pieces,
And build a Lego house
When things go wrong we can knock it down
My three words have two meanings,
There's one thing on my mind, it's all for you
And it's dark in a cold December, but I've got ya to keep me warm
And if you're broken I'll mend ya
And keep you sheltered from the storm that's raging on now
I'm out of touch, I'm out of love
I'll pick you up when you're getting down
And out of all these things I've done I think I love you better now
I'm out of sight, I'm out of mind
I'll do it all for you in time
And out of all these things I've done I think I love you better now
I'm gonna paint you by numbers and color you in
If things go right we can frame it, and put you on a wall
And it's so hard to say it but I've been here before
And I'll surrender up my heart and swap it for yours
I'm out of touch, I'm out of love
I'll pick you up when you're getting down
And out of all these things I've done I think I love you better now
I'm out of sight, I'm out of mind, I'll do it all for you in time
And out of all these things I've done I think I love you better now
Don't hold me down,
I think my braces are breaking and it's more than I can take
And if it's dark in a cold December, but I've got ya to keep me warm
And if you're broken I'll mend ya
And keep you sheltered from the storm that's raging on now
I'm out of touch, I'm out of love
I'll pick you up when you're getting down
And out of all these things I've done I think I love you better now
I'm out of sight, I'm out of mind
I'll do it all for you in time
And out of all these things I've done I think I love you better now
I'm out of touch, I'm out of love
I'll pick you up when you're getting down
And out of all these things I've done I think I love you better now
It seems like every day I find a new song that has great meaning to me and reminds me of you so much. And this is one of them.
p.s. I love you
I'm gonna pick up the pieces,
And build a Lego house
When things go wrong we can knock it down
My three words have two meanings,
There's one thing on my mind, it's all for you
And it's dark in a cold December, but I've got ya to keep me warm
And if you're broken I'll mend ya
And keep you sheltered from the storm that's raging on now
I'm out of touch, I'm out of love
I'll pick you up when you're getting down
And out of all these things I've done I think I love you better now
I'm out of sight, I'm out of mind
I'll do it all for you in time
And out of all these things I've done I think I love you better now
I'm gonna paint you by numbers and color you in
If things go right we can frame it, and put you on a wall
And it's so hard to say it but I've been here before
And I'll surrender up my heart and swap it for yours
I'm out of touch, I'm out of love
I'll pick you up when you're getting down
And out of all these things I've done I think I love you better now
I'm out of sight, I'm out of mind, I'll do it all for you in time
And out of all these things I've done I think I love you better now
Don't hold me down,
I think my braces are breaking and it's more than I can take
And if it's dark in a cold December, but I've got ya to keep me warm
And if you're broken I'll mend ya
And keep you sheltered from the storm that's raging on now
I'm out of touch, I'm out of love
I'll pick you up when you're getting down
And out of all these things I've done I think I love you better now
I'm out of sight, I'm out of mind
I'll do it all for you in time
And out of all these things I've done I think I love you better now
I'm out of touch, I'm out of love
I'll pick you up when you're getting down
And out of all these things I've done I think I love you better now
Friday, September 21, 2012
Dear Seth,
Yeah I still feel like shit and sad but Idk. I just feel so lost right now. And I've never felt like this before. EVER. Please tell me how to get through this. This time I really need help.
I hope that you're having an ok night at least. Please take care and know that I really do love you very much. You are my life, stupid and corny as that sounds, but you are. Well sweet dreams and I hope that you have a great day tomorrow.
Ugh I wish I was in Charleston right now. I'd be at the market on King Street. Never had the chance to really experience it. Can't wait till I go back. I'll be there every Saturday. That I can promise.
Ok good night and don't forget to smile.
oh yeah one last thing. I think that this was you. http://www.letterstocrushes.com/letter/382444
p.s. I love you
Yeah I still feel like shit and sad but Idk. I just feel so lost right now. And I've never felt like this before. EVER. Please tell me how to get through this. This time I really need help.
I hope that you're having an ok night at least. Please take care and know that I really do love you very much. You are my life, stupid and corny as that sounds, but you are. Well sweet dreams and I hope that you have a great day tomorrow.
Ugh I wish I was in Charleston right now. I'd be at the market on King Street. Never had the chance to really experience it. Can't wait till I go back. I'll be there every Saturday. That I can promise.
Ok good night and don't forget to smile.
oh yeah one last thing. I think that this was you. http://www.letterstocrushes.com/letter/382444
p.s. I love you
Almost Lover - A Fine Frenzy
I want to let you know that it fucking took a lot of balls to let you know my feelings. 5 years after my ex husband left me. And then I had thought that I'd found "the one". Marc was a special guy but he died and I never had the chance. I was too scared.
Then you, Seth, showed up in my life. I tried not to like you and was terrified when I fell in love with you. I told you how I felt and you said that you couldn't do it. Couldn't handle it. Said that I deserved someone better than you. IT TOOK ME 5 FUCKING YEARS Seth to get up enough courage to even think of a relationship again. Congratulations Mr. Hayward. You are the first and last person to break my heart. I can now say that I'm done.
And this song is so dedicated to you love.
Your fingertips across my skin
The palm trees swaying in the wind
Images
You sang me Spanish lullabies
The sweetest sadness in your eyes
Clever trick
Well, I never want to see you unhappy
I thought you'd want the same for me
[Chorus]
Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do
We walked along a crowded street
You took my hand and danced with me
Images
And when you left, you kissed my lips
You told me you would never, never forget
These images
Well, I'd never want to see you unhappy
I thought you'd want the same for me
[Chorus]
I cannot go to the ocean
I cannot drive the streets at night
I cannot wake up in the morning
Without you on my mind
So you're gone and I'm haunted
And I bet you are just fine
Did I make it that easy to walk right in and out
Of my life?
[Chorus]
Oh and love this video was for you. This is what I could have imagined what our wedding would look like. http://youtu.be/egN6YN8ZrGc
Then you, Seth, showed up in my life. I tried not to like you and was terrified when I fell in love with you. I told you how I felt and you said that you couldn't do it. Couldn't handle it. Said that I deserved someone better than you. IT TOOK ME 5 FUCKING YEARS Seth to get up enough courage to even think of a relationship again. Congratulations Mr. Hayward. You are the first and last person to break my heart. I can now say that I'm done.
And this song is so dedicated to you love.
Your fingertips across my skin
The palm trees swaying in the wind
Images
You sang me Spanish lullabies
The sweetest sadness in your eyes
Clever trick
Well, I never want to see you unhappy
I thought you'd want the same for me
[Chorus]
Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do
We walked along a crowded street
You took my hand and danced with me
Images
And when you left, you kissed my lips
You told me you would never, never forget
These images
Well, I'd never want to see you unhappy
I thought you'd want the same for me
[Chorus]
I cannot go to the ocean
I cannot drive the streets at night
I cannot wake up in the morning
Without you on my mind
So you're gone and I'm haunted
And I bet you are just fine
Did I make it that easy to walk right in and out
Of my life?
[Chorus]
Oh and love this video was for you. This is what I could have imagined what our wedding would look like. http://youtu.be/egN6YN8ZrGc
Thursday, September 20, 2012
Dear Seth,
Today was honestly a little better than yesterday. I didn't cry as much, but it feels like I am sadder in a way. I guess that's why I'm trying to take it one minute at a time now.
I dreamed of you last night and even though it was for a brief moment I do remember that you were sad. Really sad. If only I could give you a hug I would. You mean the world to me. And I hate what the fuck you're going through. It's sort of killing me to see you like this.
Well I'm going to try and get some sleep. The BSU game just got out and there is a little bit of traffic that I'll probably have to weave through.
Good night and I hope that you have the sweetest of dreams.
I love you so much. Always remember that.
p.s. I love you
p.p.s. Here is a video that I made for you tonight. http://youtu.be/EIBLWiOFRF8
Today was honestly a little better than yesterday. I didn't cry as much, but it feels like I am sadder in a way. I guess that's why I'm trying to take it one minute at a time now.
I dreamed of you last night and even though it was for a brief moment I do remember that you were sad. Really sad. If only I could give you a hug I would. You mean the world to me. And I hate what the fuck you're going through. It's sort of killing me to see you like this.
Well I'm going to try and get some sleep. The BSU game just got out and there is a little bit of traffic that I'll probably have to weave through.
Good night and I hope that you have the sweetest of dreams.
I love you so much. Always remember that.
p.s. I love you
p.p.s. Here is a video that I made for you tonight. http://youtu.be/EIBLWiOFRF8
Dear Seth,
Today is a little better, not by much though. I'm trying. I'm trying to smile. I'm trying to laugh. But my sleep and eating have gone to shit in all honesty.
I wonder if you're watching my videos? That would mean the most to me. Just knowing that maybe my videos and writing make you a little on the sunnier side.
What I wouldn't give to be with you, but I know there is no possibility of that ever. So I'll just try my best to show you that there is love out there in the world and that I'm the one that loves you no matter what ;)
Well this is my video for you today. I do hope that you like it. Take care and have a great and awesome day. Don't forget to at least smile once, for me please.
http://youtu.be/FnD6GVaMSJw
p.s. I love you
Today is a little better, not by much though. I'm trying. I'm trying to smile. I'm trying to laugh. But my sleep and eating have gone to shit in all honesty.
I wonder if you're watching my videos? That would mean the most to me. Just knowing that maybe my videos and writing make you a little on the sunnier side.
What I wouldn't give to be with you, but I know there is no possibility of that ever. So I'll just try my best to show you that there is love out there in the world and that I'm the one that loves you no matter what ;)
Well this is my video for you today. I do hope that you like it. Take care and have a great and awesome day. Don't forget to at least smile once, for me please.
http://youtu.be/FnD6GVaMSJw
p.s. I love you
Wednesday, September 19, 2012
Dear Seth,
I swear that I'm almost there. Hurting something bad. And all because you're like you are. You said that you were different I just didn't know like that. All the dreams and wishes that I had are now fucking out the window. I'm not about to change you, never would ask you too.
So this is what I'm going to do for you. I'm going to show you what my world is like. Maybe then you'll see at least something. I love you so very much and don't want to lose what piece of you that I do have. And even though because of that "thing" I'll never get to see you ( which makes me very sad ), I'll do anything to make you happy.
Well I'm going to now post that special video here as well. I want as many people to know that you really are loved that much.
p.s. I love you
http://youtu.be/0Gz3tJZSDJ4
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
Tonight I can't even write your name. It hurts. I'm grasping for straws and only coming up short. This is worse than when I lost Marc. Because you're here and I feel so damn fucking hopeless like I can't do anything. Today was actually beyond harsh it was brutal. But they'll never know. I know that I won't get any sleep. So I'll try and work on that project for you. It's the only thing that I can do to show you that I love you more than my life even. Why is life so damn unfair? Please try and get some sleep. And dream something beautiful. Damn this fucking sucks. Good night.
p.s. I love you
p.s. I love you
Dear Seth,
I am going to do something for you. I hope you like it. I think you will. You better. LOL.
Today hasn't been a fucking peachy day for me at all. I'm pretty much a mess. God I just have no appetite. Only drinking coffee. Crying bouts. It's really fucked up. Can't even talk to my friends. And tonight there is a guy playing once again at Moxie Java ( folky music ). I had inquired about a song and if he ever sang it he said no but he'd be willing to learn it for me.
So he tells me he has a song that he's going to sing just because of me. And when I heard it I had tears running down my face, but stayed put just long enough to hear it because he put so much effort into it. The song? Can't Help Falling in Love - Elvis Pressley. And Mr. Hayward it's true, I can't help falling in love with you.
Man I've got to end this or I'm going to be even more fucked and screwed than I already am. And also get back to my "project".
p.s. I love you
I am going to do something for you. I hope you like it. I think you will. You better. LOL.
Today hasn't been a fucking peachy day for me at all. I'm pretty much a mess. God I just have no appetite. Only drinking coffee. Crying bouts. It's really fucked up. Can't even talk to my friends. And tonight there is a guy playing once again at Moxie Java ( folky music ). I had inquired about a song and if he ever sang it he said no but he'd be willing to learn it for me.
So he tells me he has a song that he's going to sing just because of me. And when I heard it I had tears running down my face, but stayed put just long enough to hear it because he put so much effort into it. The song? Can't Help Falling in Love - Elvis Pressley. And Mr. Hayward it's true, I can't help falling in love with you.
Man I've got to end this or I'm going to be even more fucked and screwed than I already am. And also get back to my "project".
p.s. I love you
Justin Bieber - Where Are You Now
Today I'm trying to be happy, smile and laugh. I just can't not today. Today I'm sad and crying. It's affected me so much that I have no will to eat. I'm just not hungry. Trying to cope with with you wrote and failing miserably. And it's killing me. God damn it Seth what you said just made me fall in love with you more, and it's killing me that you'll never be able.
Oh and I heard a song ( not a Justin Bieber fan at all, fyi ) and I broke down. I don't know how much longer I'm going to be able to do this. To keep myself whole and not crack. Last night I made a wish on a star. I wish the same thing every night but I also added to have God ( not a real believer either ) to keep you safe. I love you so much. Always have from the moment you said hello to me.
p.s. I love you
Oh and I heard a song ( not a Justin Bieber fan at all, fyi ) and I broke down. I don't know how much longer I'm going to be able to do this. To keep myself whole and not crack. Last night I made a wish on a star. I wish the same thing every night but I also added to have God ( not a real believer either ) to keep you safe. I love you so much. Always have from the moment you said hello to me.
p.s. I love you
After what you said last night I finally understand. Gone are my fairytale dreams of a beautiful wedding. Gone is the wedding dress, lace and silk mixed, that I would have worn. Gone is the vision of walking down the path, strewn with rose petals, towards you in the black suit with a blue tie, that would have left me breathless. Gone is the memory of us dancing to our song. Gone are the nights that you would have held me in your protective arms telling me everything was going to be alright.
My heart truly hurts for you. Last night I cried my eyes out. I fell into a sleepless slumber. No dreams. My god I'm more in love with you than ever. And what's even more sadistic is that I always will be. You are the last person that I will ever love. There will never be anyone else. And you will never really know because you don't think that you're good enough, not capable.
The fearceness in me is going to prove your wrong. I am going to show you what life and love are all about. One day you'll know, even if it's not with me.
p.s. I love you
Monday, September 17, 2012
I am heartbroken but for entirely different reasons. And I don't know what to do. And I'm scared. There are things that I don't post there on ltc but I'll do it here. The other side of me. I'm the most introverted person I know. But I don't show it. I try and be happy, chipper and plaster on that smile.
There times that I just want to totally be by myself and not talk to anyone. I don't want them to see the pain that I go through or my thoughts, or how I cry for the things that I've lost. The one thing that has kept me going all these months without totally losing it is you Mr. Hayward. I try and do crazy and stupid shit maybe hoping that at least you'll smile. I picture what you'd look like and I really smile.
And what you said to me today put me in another world. I am going to fight for you. You know what I mean. God I think that I'm going to become a comedian just for you. Me and Hannah ( aka known as ha in chat ). She's my giggle buddy. You'd like her too. Best person to talk to when you're feeling down.
But hell you'll probably not see this anyways so I'm going to go all out and say this shit. Right here right now. I am and always will be in love with you. It's more than a relationship that I want. Now that I know a hell of a lot more about you, fuck you really are my OTP, my soulmate. And that's better than anything my poor life has ever had being in real true love with one of the worlds most amazing men.
So Mr. Hayward, Seth, if you do see this know that your'e not the only lonely soul out there. I have been lonely for a very long time. There have been times that I have cried myself to sleep just wanting a friend. Someone to share the secrets I can't tell anyone else, especially about ltc. And one of these days I will crack that exterior of yours. But until then I'll keep telling you every day that I love you.
p.s. I love you
There times that I just want to totally be by myself and not talk to anyone. I don't want them to see the pain that I go through or my thoughts, or how I cry for the things that I've lost. The one thing that has kept me going all these months without totally losing it is you Mr. Hayward. I try and do crazy and stupid shit maybe hoping that at least you'll smile. I picture what you'd look like and I really smile.
And what you said to me today put me in another world. I am going to fight for you. You know what I mean. God I think that I'm going to become a comedian just for you. Me and Hannah ( aka known as ha in chat ). She's my giggle buddy. You'd like her too. Best person to talk to when you're feeling down.
But hell you'll probably not see this anyways so I'm going to go all out and say this shit. Right here right now. I am and always will be in love with you. It's more than a relationship that I want. Now that I know a hell of a lot more about you, fuck you really are my OTP, my soulmate. And that's better than anything my poor life has ever had being in real true love with one of the worlds most amazing men.
So Mr. Hayward, Seth, if you do see this know that your'e not the only lonely soul out there. I have been lonely for a very long time. There have been times that I have cried myself to sleep just wanting a friend. Someone to share the secrets I can't tell anyone else, especially about ltc. And one of these days I will crack that exterior of yours. But until then I'll keep telling you every day that I love you.
p.s. I love you
I've never honestly been a patient person but you for some unknown reason I'll always wait for. You have taught me so much and I'm older one. Don't worry Seth, I'll be ok with what ever comes.
You are honestly the last person that I wanted to fall for. God the complications. The backlash that I've received. But also the support. Apparently they totally 'ship us. And I love that saying now. Can't stop smiling about it.
You are honestly the last person that I wanted to fall for. God the complications. The backlash that I've received. But also the support. Apparently they totally 'ship us. And I love that saying now. Can't stop smiling about it.
I'm still listening to that dang song by Paper Tongues. Love it. But anyways that's not the guise of this post right now. Lol
Ok here it is sorta. This is what went through my brain last night.
Ok here it is sorta. This is what went through my brain last night.
I don't know how in the hell I did it but I did. And as I stumbled home in a daze I thought to myself that I am happy. I freaking did it. You don't know how much courage it took. I'm still in shock.
Anyways I know everything, one way or another, will be ok. And here is why. I had dropped something on the floor near the side of the bed. As I picked that item up under my bed was a yellow piece of paper. I don't know how I had missed it but it was there. It was a rough draft of the first letter that I had ever written Marc. For some reason, not known to me, it waited over 10 months to reveal it's self again.
With tears in my eyes I laughed, thinking that he was the reason that I'm here on ltc in the first place. This letter I am always going to keep. I'm not going to throw this one in the ocean.
And though I still don't know why in the holy cow I thought it was a good and dandy idea to do that last night and that I still have boughts of dry heaves, I am smiling :)
* I also wanted to add here that I'm absolutely fucking terrified. But I would do it all over again in a minute. No regrets here!
Sunday, September 16, 2012
Paper Tongues - Love Like You
Holy crap love the song and lyrics. This band rocks. Can't wait to see them when I go back to South Carolina. And yes if you must ask this song reminds me of Seth.
I'll be the first to say I do
Love you so
Be the last to walk away
From what we know
You can't invent a jones like us
In this world
It only happens once upon a time
For boys and girls
I'll never find a another love like you
Who wants to be in love the way I do
Better is a day standing by your side
Your heart is like a castle in my sky
I'll never find another love like you
Who wants to really be my rainbow
I could only start to imagine how
We survived to see this day
Only if I had the words to paint the moon
I would paint it on a star just for you
Then we'd get inside a boat made of clouds
And we'd never turn around
We'd go all out
And mockingbirds they sing
Upon my tree
And the tower bells they ring
And I believe
And I'm askin' you to be
My everything
I'll be the first to say I do
Love you so
Be the last to walk away
From what we know
You can't invent a jones like us
In this world
It only happens once upon a time
For boys and girls
I'll never find a another love like you
Who wants to be in love the way I do
Better is a day standing by your side
Your heart is like a castle in my sky
I'll never find another love like you
Who wants to really be my rainbow
I could only start to imagine how
We survived to see this day
Only if I had the words to paint the moon
I would paint it on a star just for you
Then we'd get inside a boat made of clouds
And we'd never turn around
We'd go all out
And mockingbirds they sing
Upon my tree
And the tower bells they ring
And I believe
And I'm askin' you to be
My everything
Dear Seth,
Today is the day. I'm going to lay it all out. I'm going to write you one of the most life changing letters that you will ever read. It might make you cry, it might make you laugh but thank God you will know once and for all. I just wish someone was here to hold my hand when I click send. I'm just so sick and tired of not knowing anything at all. Not just a relationship type thing either. Everything. I just hope that I don't spazz out.
p.s. I love you
So if there is anyone out there really reading this please keep me in your thoughts today. Thank you.
Today is the day. I'm going to lay it all out. I'm going to write you one of the most life changing letters that you will ever read. It might make you cry, it might make you laugh but thank God you will know once and for all. I just wish someone was here to hold my hand when I click send. I'm just so sick and tired of not knowing anything at all. Not just a relationship type thing either. Everything. I just hope that I don't spazz out.
p.s. I love you
So if there is anyone out there really reading this please keep me in your thoughts today. Thank you.
Saturday, September 15, 2012
Dear Seth,
I found the first letter that I ever, ever wrote to you. http://www.letterstocrushes.com/letter/246950 . That is when it all started. I can feel my heart lurch just thinking about it.
Anyways I'm doing a little bit better with my frustrations. Nothing that chocolate and a whole lot of girlie talk can't cure. Still ticked but I'll get through it somehow.
Tonight I sort of can't wait to walk home. I now have a little secret place that I like to call my own. It's a little hidden sitting area next to an Italian eatery.
Overhead there are electric blue Christmas lights that just cheer up the otherwise drab area. It reminds me of the scene in The Butterfly Effect where Ashton Kutchers character tries to impress Amy Smart with a romantic dinner. And when ever I pass that little cove I smile.
Well I'm off to sleep for now. Can't wait to close my eyes and wish against wishes that I dream of you. Fyi having a bit of a dry spell :(
I hope that your day was great and awesome just as your night was. Take care and sweet the sweet dreams. Don't forget to smile.
Georgina
p.s. I love you
p.p.s. I wanted to add this as an after thought. Just the luck I would have my one year anniversary is also the day the world is supposed to end. If it does I'm glad that I've had almost a year to tell you everyday that I love you so very much. Good night.
Dear Seth,
I can't even write you a letter on your site. It fucking stinks too. Look I know that you're busy, really busy, but the fact that you have ignored each and every one of my letters relating to business on ltc hurts yet you email everyone but their mama back? WTF? I'm almost about to say fuck it and leave.
Just because I write letters to you saying that I love you (which I always will) doesn't mean that I don't know how in the hell to separate the two.
Right now Mr. Hayward I am in tears and yes you are the cause of them.
And one last thing. Why in the hell are you not taking down those hurtful comments from disqus. Those letters are so beautiful in the way that they are, but yet you are doing NOTHING.
But no matter how much I don't like you right now I am still in love with you. Always will be. Good night.
p.s. I love you
I can't even write you a letter on your site. It fucking stinks too. Look I know that you're busy, really busy, but the fact that you have ignored each and every one of my letters relating to business on ltc hurts yet you email everyone but their mama back? WTF? I'm almost about to say fuck it and leave.
Just because I write letters to you saying that I love you (which I always will) doesn't mean that I don't know how in the hell to separate the two.
Right now Mr. Hayward I am in tears and yes you are the cause of them.
And one last thing. Why in the hell are you not taking down those hurtful comments from disqus. Those letters are so beautiful in the way that they are, but yet you are doing NOTHING.
But no matter how much I don't like you right now I am still in love with you. Always will be. Good night.
p.s. I love you
Somewhere Only We Know - Keane
I walked across an empty land
I knew the pathway like the back of my hand
I felt the earth beneath my feet
Sat by the river and it made me complete
Oh simple thing where have you gone?
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin
I came across a fallen tree
I felt the branches of it looking at me?
Is this the place we used to love?
Is this the place that I've been dreaming of?
Oh simple thing where have you gone?
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin
So if you have a minute why don't we go
Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go
Somewhere only we know?
Oh simple thing where have you gone?
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin
So if you have a minute why don't we go
Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go
So why don't we go
This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go
Somewhere only we know?
Friday, September 14, 2012
Dear Seth,
Like one of the reasons that I would so desperately love to talk to you is about secrets. And the sad things that I know about people I need to share with someone and that someone I want to be is you. It just breaks my heart that the things that these people that write on here go through. How do you handle it all? I know it's hard for me to be able to see it all and not tell anyone. Please if you ever have the time talk to me, I'm in desperate need of a kindred soul.
Ok now I've got to get to head home and try to get some kind of sleep. Sweet dreams once again.
p.s. I love you so so so very much
Like one of the reasons that I would so desperately love to talk to you is about secrets. And the sad things that I know about people I need to share with someone and that someone I want to be is you. It just breaks my heart that the things that these people that write on here go through. How do you handle it all? I know it's hard for me to be able to see it all and not tell anyone. Please if you ever have the time talk to me, I'm in desperate need of a kindred soul.
Ok now I've got to get to head home and try to get some kind of sleep. Sweet dreams once again.
p.s. I love you so so so very much
Dear Seth,
Yeah I know that I just wrote you on your site. And one thing that amazes me is that I don't know how in the hell I have so much in me and it be able to put it down here and there. I guess this is where I can be a little bit more open and personal.
I'm sorry that my letters are getting shorter and shorter there. It's honestly because there is nothing that's way exciting that goes on here. Same thing day in and day out. And it's not like I don't have a life. I do ( I think). There is just no inspiration. Nothing to honestly get the juices going. It doesn't mean that I love you any less and that I'm losing hope. I'll always have that.
So I guess you could say that I'm a pretty good observer of people and things. Well tonight, though small and unimportant to most, I'm looking at the bugs that are dancing around the street lights. To me they are reminders of fireflies that I had seen while I lived in Oklahoma.
Around dusk if you'd walk to the forested area outlying Henryetta (small, small town by the way) you could see hundreds of them just flitting here and there. If I close my eyes I can see them now. One of the happiest moments there.
But somehow that brings me back to when I was in Charleston. I could walk to the bay around dusk and see throngs of people just milling about or hanging over the railings looking at the dolphins that would come around. You could smell the tang of the sea. Or hear the children laughing as they played in the fountain at the beginning of the pier. As I remember all those beautiful moments of time I'm smiling. I'm happy.
Well I may or may not post another letter here tonight so I'll just tell you good night now. I hope that you have sweet dreams Seth. And as I always say and said before keep on smiling for me.
p.s. I love you
Yeah I know that I just wrote you on your site. And one thing that amazes me is that I don't know how in the hell I have so much in me and it be able to put it down here and there. I guess this is where I can be a little bit more open and personal.
I'm sorry that my letters are getting shorter and shorter there. It's honestly because there is nothing that's way exciting that goes on here. Same thing day in and day out. And it's not like I don't have a life. I do ( I think). There is just no inspiration. Nothing to honestly get the juices going. It doesn't mean that I love you any less and that I'm losing hope. I'll always have that.
So I guess you could say that I'm a pretty good observer of people and things. Well tonight, though small and unimportant to most, I'm looking at the bugs that are dancing around the street lights. To me they are reminders of fireflies that I had seen while I lived in Oklahoma.
Around dusk if you'd walk to the forested area outlying Henryetta (small, small town by the way) you could see hundreds of them just flitting here and there. If I close my eyes I can see them now. One of the happiest moments there.
But somehow that brings me back to when I was in Charleston. I could walk to the bay around dusk and see throngs of people just milling about or hanging over the railings looking at the dolphins that would come around. You could smell the tang of the sea. Or hear the children laughing as they played in the fountain at the beginning of the pier. As I remember all those beautiful moments of time I'm smiling. I'm happy.
Well I may or may not post another letter here tonight so I'll just tell you good night now. I hope that you have sweet dreams Seth. And as I always say and said before keep on smiling for me.
p.s. I love you
Kiss Me - Ed Sheeran
Dear Seth,
Sudden inspiration. Just wanted to let you know that I am blessed to be able to tell you that I love you. Guess what? I love you so very much. That's all
p.s. I love you
Oh and perfect song for my inspiration.
Sudden inspiration. Just wanted to let you know that I am blessed to be able to tell you that I love you. Guess what? I love you so very much. That's all
p.s. I love you
Oh and perfect song for my inspiration.
Dear Seth,
Please just talk to me. Hey the love that I have for you and all that doesn't mean that I still can't talk to you like a normal human being. I'd never try to embarrass you like that. I'd most likely make an ass out of myself. Honest. I just miss talking to you so much. Ugh.
p.s. I love you
Please just talk to me. Hey the love that I have for you and all that doesn't mean that I still can't talk to you like a normal human being. I'd never try to embarrass you like that. I'd most likely make an ass out of myself. Honest. I just miss talking to you so much. Ugh.
p.s. I love you
Dear Marc,
I didn't want to write you here because ...... because some part of me still misses you like hell even though I'm moving on. But tonight I really would like your help. I know you're probably busy flirting with all the beautiful angels.
Please tonight instead of haunting me and making myself remind me of you visit Seth and give him a little nudge. I have no one else to turn to. And I need your guidance.
See when you left a part of me, deep down, knew that you were never coming back. And when I found out that you died he was sort of there for me and he put up with all my dorkiness.
I fell in love with another nice guy like you were. He makes me laugh and smile so much. I know that you'd like him. He's a lot like you in many ways. LOL just have to smile at that. :) I love him for all of the same qualities you had and more. Most of all Marc, he makes me so very happy though he also frustrates the pickles out of me too.
I hope that you understand what I'm trying to say sweetheart. And I also hope that you are doing well yourself. It's not the same here at the cafe without you. I sometimes still look up when the door opens thinking that it might be you but knowing that it will never be. There is a Starbucks that's opening on the corner and I think that I'll be going there from now on. I'm moving on and ready to make new memories.
Take care and know that you are not forgotten.
Cheers,
Georgina
I didn't want to write you here because ...... because some part of me still misses you like hell even though I'm moving on. But tonight I really would like your help. I know you're probably busy flirting with all the beautiful angels.
Please tonight instead of haunting me and making myself remind me of you visit Seth and give him a little nudge. I have no one else to turn to. And I need your guidance.
See when you left a part of me, deep down, knew that you were never coming back. And when I found out that you died he was sort of there for me and he put up with all my dorkiness.
I fell in love with another nice guy like you were. He makes me laugh and smile so much. I know that you'd like him. He's a lot like you in many ways. LOL just have to smile at that. :) I love him for all of the same qualities you had and more. Most of all Marc, he makes me so very happy though he also frustrates the pickles out of me too.
I hope that you understand what I'm trying to say sweetheart. And I also hope that you are doing well yourself. It's not the same here at the cafe without you. I sometimes still look up when the door opens thinking that it might be you but knowing that it will never be. There is a Starbucks that's opening on the corner and I think that I'll be going there from now on. I'm moving on and ready to make new memories.
Take care and know that you are not forgotten.
Cheers,
Georgina
Life Goes On - Poison
Ok I guess it's time for more sappy songs. Love this song. Even though the lyrics are sad they are so very true too.
Will's love letter to Emma - Waiting For Forever
Dear Emma,
Those two words, ‘Dear Emma’ take me away to way another time when we use to write to each other after mom and dad died. I used to tell you about my new friends and my new life. And you used to tell me about the grand time my mom and dad were having in heaven. Truth is nothing. What you believe to be true is everything. And the main thing that I used to believe was that I would be with you forever. Forever. The reason it is taking me so long to write you is that I have seen that I have been a fool. I have spent my life fooling myself. Every letter I’ve ever written to you has been a love letter. How could they have been anything else? I can see now that all of them, except this one, were bad love letters. Bad love letters beg for love back. Good love letters ask for nothing. This, I’m pleased to announce, is my first good love letter to you. Because there is nothing more for you to do. You already done everything. I have enough of you in my head to last forever. So please don’t ever worry about me. I’m peachy! I really am. I have everything. If i had one wish, it would be that your life brings you a taste of happiness that you have brought to me. That you could feel what it’s like to love.
Your friend forever,
Will
Will
Dear Seth,
I figure that I'm not going to totally choke up your website with my letters to you. Though you out of everyone else really do deserve being written to each and every day. You created one of the most beautiful sites out there. Letters to Crushes. It's now more than just a website it's a freaking movement of love. And every time I look down on my tattoo I smile and think of your website. Thank you so much to the crush that inspired you to create this place of refuge.
One of these days I'm going to write a letter to her and thank her personally.
p.s I love you
I figure that I'm not going to totally choke up your website with my letters to you. Though you out of everyone else really do deserve being written to each and every day. You created one of the most beautiful sites out there. Letters to Crushes. It's now more than just a website it's a freaking movement of love. And every time I look down on my tattoo I smile and think of your website. Thank you so much to the crush that inspired you to create this place of refuge.
One of these days I'm going to write a letter to her and thank her personally.
p.s I love you
Angels - The xx
I thinking of changing my name for you and keeping my posts to you a little more private. Idk. You'll know it's from me though. Plus you'll can just check my ip address too. My writing will always be the same though. Just like my love for you, except that grows stronger every single tick of the clock.
God I'm still smiling today because of you and your special self. Damn. And this is what is going through my head at the moment.
God I'm still smiling today because of you and your special self. Damn. And this is what is going through my head at the moment.
Thursday, September 13, 2012
Dear Seth,
I just want to thank you so much for everything and every little gift that you've given me. I am so proud and grateful that I am able to help so many people and not because I feel that I have to, it's just my nature.
I want to thank you for the tears that I've need to cry.
I want to thank you for the anger that I've needed to feel.
I want to thank you for the times I've laughed.
I want to thank you for the smiles I've smiled.
I want to thank you for the love I never gave up on.
I want to thank you for the butterflies you've given me.
I want to thank you for the faith that you have in me.
Now I love you more than ever. As the sweet people on ltc say you are my otp.
Good night and sweet dreams.
p.s. I love you
I just want to thank you so much for everything and every little gift that you've given me. I am so proud and grateful that I am able to help so many people and not because I feel that I have to, it's just my nature.
I want to thank you for the tears that I've need to cry.
I want to thank you for the anger that I've needed to feel.
I want to thank you for the times I've laughed.
I want to thank you for the smiles I've smiled.
I want to thank you for the love I never gave up on.
I want to thank you for the butterflies you've given me.
I want to thank you for the faith that you have in me.
Now I love you more than ever. As the sweet people on ltc say you are my otp.
Good night and sweet dreams.
p.s. I love you
Oh and sweetheart these aren't the sweet and innocent kind of fantasies I'm talking about. Holy crap I didn't just write that did I? Yeah I did. Shit now I'm talking arguing with myself on my blog about you. What the fuck dude?
This is going to be one interesting night of dreams. But that's after my cold shower ;)
This is going to be one interesting night of dreams. But that's after my cold shower ;)
It sort of hurts............ oh hell why lie now, it fucking hurts with some of these challenges. Like this last one gets me melancholy. Or the 30 Challenge about your crush or significant other. Those are my thoughts of the moment.
But I'm still having wicked fantasies about you Seth fyi ;) and I mean wicked. Fucking hormones.
But I'm still having wicked fantasies about you Seth fyi ;) and I mean wicked. Fucking hormones.
Fantasy - The xx
Holy crap. I have found my song for you. Wow. That's all I can really say.
For the desired effect
Would you come back August or June, June
And I hate that tomorrow's too soon
But this collision, came mid bloom
Better built to resume
I'll see you August, see you June
I'm building higher than I can see
I want fantasy
Don't rest with the less
I'm burning to impress
It's deep in the middle of me
I can be fantasy
For the desired effect
Would you come back August or June, June
And I hate that tomorrow's too soon
But this collision, came mid bloom
Better built to resume
I'll see you August, see you June
I'm building higher than I can see
I want fantasy
Don't rest with the less
I'm burning to impress
It's deep in the middle of me
I can be fantasy
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
Dear Seth,
Sarah really put in perspective tonight what's sort of been going through my noggin. No matter how much you make me cry by feeling ignored, even if it's something related to ltc, I still love you and will try and put on a brave coat of armor and wait.
Even if nothing comes between us I'd still like to be your friend most of all. You are a cool ass dude, dude ;) , even though you're a dork :P
Ok I've got to go and try to get some sleep tonight. I'm excited to sleep tonight because of that wooden box that will be under my pillow as I dream.
Good night and take care.
p.s. I love you
Sarah really put in perspective tonight what's sort of been going through my noggin. No matter how much you make me cry by feeling ignored, even if it's something related to ltc, I still love you and will try and put on a brave coat of armor and wait.
Even if nothing comes between us I'd still like to be your friend most of all. You are a cool ass dude, dude ;) , even though you're a dork :P
Ok I've got to go and try to get some sleep tonight. I'm excited to sleep tonight because of that wooden box that will be under my pillow as I dream.
Good night and take care.
p.s. I love you
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
Mr. Hayward I need you more tonight that I ever have. I don't know how in the hell you do it. How do you disassociate yourself from this? It's all coming at me at once. And this one time I need someone, YOU, to tell me that it will all be ok. And tonight I need you bad. I mean really bad. No not like that (hehe) ;) Please just say something to me, anything at all. I'm begging. I just want to scream so bad right now. Please call, text, email something.
p.s. I love you
p.s. I love you
Monday, September 10, 2012
Dear Seth,
The afternoon was a little better. Actually it was fantabulous. I watched this one video of a guy that had gotten his wisdom teeth out and it was so funny. I literally had tears streaming down my face. Never have I laughed so hard in my life. LOL laughing now btw. And for those few minutes it made me forget about what happened last night. I'm still a little scared though. I don't know if you ever read my posts or this but every second that I get I will tell you that I love you so very much Seth.
It's a blessing and a curse what I feel for you. I didn't want this one damn bit. Hurt and mostly broken you were there like a light at the end of the tunnel. My hero. And I will seriously always love you for that. For making me smile, and laugh, and feel giddy at all those smiles send by email.
God you're 27 dude, I'm 32. I really didn't want this. But it's now a reality for me. I don't even know if we really have anything in common besides you being a boy and me a girl, or that we both like coke and coffee, or that you call yourself different ( like me ), or that we both like snow, or that I still like cartoons and you comics. I hope that we're not that different. Please tell me we aren't.
So I really do hope that you have a great night. If I was there in Chas. I know what I'd be doing right now. Best time of the month actually. Looking at the moon just as the stars come out during twilight. That's what I'd be looking at tonight. That and listening to the cicadas while drinking an iced coffee with a shot of hazelnut. Oh the best memory :)
Please take care. Good night.
p.s. I love you
The afternoon was a little better. Actually it was fantabulous. I watched this one video of a guy that had gotten his wisdom teeth out and it was so funny. I literally had tears streaming down my face. Never have I laughed so hard in my life. LOL laughing now btw. And for those few minutes it made me forget about what happened last night. I'm still a little scared though. I don't know if you ever read my posts or this but every second that I get I will tell you that I love you so very much Seth.
It's a blessing and a curse what I feel for you. I didn't want this one damn bit. Hurt and mostly broken you were there like a light at the end of the tunnel. My hero. And I will seriously always love you for that. For making me smile, and laugh, and feel giddy at all those smiles send by email.
God you're 27 dude, I'm 32. I really didn't want this. But it's now a reality for me. I don't even know if we really have anything in common besides you being a boy and me a girl, or that we both like coke and coffee, or that you call yourself different ( like me ), or that we both like snow, or that I still like cartoons and you comics. I hope that we're not that different. Please tell me we aren't.
So I really do hope that you have a great night. If I was there in Chas. I know what I'd be doing right now. Best time of the month actually. Looking at the moon just as the stars come out during twilight. That's what I'd be looking at tonight. That and listening to the cicadas while drinking an iced coffee with a shot of hazelnut. Oh the best memory :)
Please take care. Good night.
p.s. I love you
My Dearest Seth,
This morning even though I'm smiling because of Mary and Ryan, I'm scared. I had a very horrible and rough night.
My heart feels like it's about to give out, not from love but physically. The palpitations were so bad I thought that I was going to have to call an ambulance. I even had to make a quick rush to the restroom. And that's where it sort of went down hill. I was throwing up blood. I was like ok let it calm down and if not I'll go in, I can't continue like this.
I was so scared to go to sleep. The only thing that was on my mind was my children and you. God I almost called you even though it was like 3 am your time. I just wanted to hear your voice so bad. I'm just glad that I've been able to tell you that I love you. And I do so very much Mr. Hayward.
So as a promise to you and to myself if it happens again I will go and get checked up. Mom thinks it was due to stress but it's not. Hell I've dealt with tougher shit than whatever it is I'm going through.
Today I'm going to smile and post happy letters for you on your site and not let them see what I'm going through, not today. And today I have a challenge that BHE (Sarah) posted and I've gladly accepted. So far I see a few deserving people. Can't wait to spread the love.
p.s. I love you Seth Hayward
This morning even though I'm smiling because of Mary and Ryan, I'm scared. I had a very horrible and rough night.
My heart feels like it's about to give out, not from love but physically. The palpitations were so bad I thought that I was going to have to call an ambulance. I even had to make a quick rush to the restroom. And that's where it sort of went down hill. I was throwing up blood. I was like ok let it calm down and if not I'll go in, I can't continue like this.
I was so scared to go to sleep. The only thing that was on my mind was my children and you. God I almost called you even though it was like 3 am your time. I just wanted to hear your voice so bad. I'm just glad that I've been able to tell you that I love you. And I do so very much Mr. Hayward.
So as a promise to you and to myself if it happens again I will go and get checked up. Mom thinks it was due to stress but it's not. Hell I've dealt with tougher shit than whatever it is I'm going through.
Today I'm going to smile and post happy letters for you on your site and not let them see what I'm going through, not today. And today I have a challenge that BHE (Sarah) posted and I've gladly accepted. So far I see a few deserving people. Can't wait to spread the love.
p.s. I love you Seth Hayward
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