I'm still listening to that dang song by Paper Tongues. Love it. But anyways that's not the guise of this post right now. Lol

Ok here it is sorta. This is what went through my brain last night.

I don't know how in the hell I did it but I did. And as I stumbled home in a daze I thought to myself that I am happy. I freaking did it. You don't know how much courage it took. I'm still in shock. 

Anyways I know everything, one way or another, will be ok. And here is why. I had dropped something on the floor near the side of the bed. As I picked that item up under my bed was a yellow piece of paper. I don't know how I had missed it but it was there. It was a rough draft of the first letter that I had ever written Marc. For some reason, not known to me, it waited over 10 months to reveal it's self again.

With tears in my eyes I laughed, thinking that he was the reason that I'm here on ltc in the first place. This letter I am always going to keep. I'm not going to throw this one in the ocean.

And though I still don't know why in the holy cow I thought it was a good and dandy idea to do that last night and that I still have boughts of dry heaves, I am smiling :)

* I also wanted to add here that I'm absolutely fucking terrified. But I would do it all over again in a minute. No regrets here!