My Dearest Seth,

This morning even though I'm smiling because of Mary and Ryan, I'm scared. I had a very horrible and rough night.

My heart feels like it's about to give out, not from love but physically. The palpitations were so bad I thought that I was going to have to call an ambulance. I even had to make a quick rush to the restroom. And that's where it sort of went down hill. I was throwing up blood. I was like ok let it calm down and if not I'll go in, I can't continue like this.

I was so scared to go to sleep. The only thing that was on my mind was my children and you. God I almost called you even though it was like 3 am your time. I just wanted to hear your voice so bad. I'm just glad that I've been able to tell you that I love you. And I do so very much Mr. Hayward.

So as a promise to you and to myself if it happens again I will go and get checked up. Mom thinks it was due to stress but it's not. Hell I've dealt with tougher shit than whatever it is I'm going through.

Today I'm going to smile and post happy letters for you on your site and not let them see what I'm going through, not today. And today I have a challenge that BHE (Sarah) posted and I've gladly accepted. So far I see a few deserving people. Can't wait to spread the love.

p.s. I love you Seth Hayward