Dear Seth,

I'm writing you here for my good night letter. Because it might be a little more personal and I don't know if I feel like sharing this with them. But if they come here and read it ok I'm cool with that. Hakunamata right?

My emotions aren't just right for a sweet love letter like they are expecting. And there is a lot that I want to get off my chest. Some part of me really hopes that you read this. Because as I'm typing tears are threatening.

First I want to say no matter what I will always love you. I have from first time you said hello to me. But this shit right now, it doesn't feel too peachy. I mean even when I email you something about your site I get nothing back. Not even and acknowledgement that you read it. What do you think that I'm going to go blabbing to everyone? That's so fucking pansy. I'm sorry I have to say it. But it's true.

I would like some sort of response to my feelings for you no matter what. Dude come on I know that you're not that shy. Shheesh. It hurts when the girls in chat ask about oh have you heard back from Seth? And I have to say no I haven't but that's ok he's "busy". Well sweetheart I want to let you know that it fucking hurts. A response of any kind is better than being ignored. Because whenever I get that feeling I feel like I've done something so terribly wrong and it shouldn't be like that.

It took a lot of balls for me to even write that first letter to you. In that letter I called you my hero. And you still are Seth, you still are. God I think that I cried all fucking night. And when I finally was able to post your name on your site it felt so damn good. That was my first true love letter to you. Now........... and now I don't rightly know.

When I got divorced it took me 5 years of fucking god damn courage, faith and trust to fall in love again. At this moment I feel so lost and damn lonely. And also took me more than a months worth of courage to even text you what I did last night. And for that I suffered with the lack of sleep and a bout of dry heaves.

Please understand where I am coming from. Though I say all of these things I love you so much Seth. I am giving you my heart and body. You are the last person that am ever going to love. That is a promise. Now the ball is truly in your corner. You have my number.

So I hope that you're having a great night. I miss Charleston so very much. I miss the Belgium gelato place where I got my nightly coffee. I miss the pier and being able to sit on the swing over looking the bay seeing ships go by. I miss walking down Dueler's Alley in the morning sun. I miss hearing the cicadas, reminding me of the power lines. I even miss the sweltering heat caressing my skin. All I can say to that is spring can't come soon enough. Whether you're there or not I'm going back. Chas. is in my blood.

Take care hope you have the sweetest dreams.

p.s. I love you